Endless Pain

As I lie down on my bed, my body is darn tired, trying to sleep but my mind is protesting. I tossed and turned for hours, I can still feel the stinging pain and bitterness in my tongue and my soul. I’m trying really hard not to think about it, but I failed. All along I have kept it to myself. My body is trembling with fear and uncertainty. Sorrow takes over me totally when I talked to Ted. Started to cry and the more I think about it, I feel disgusted and cheated. One is someone who I’m dating and the other is a friend. My eyes are all sore again. Once I close my eyes, the whole scene s playing all over again. Ted told me to confront one of them. How? I thought to myself. I am totally shocked and horrified. I chickened out. I feel useless. It might be true that I’m afraid of what will be the reactions. Dammit. I can remember vividly how he smells like. Gosh. I’m in pain as I’m broken into pieces.

I should have known what he’s trying to pull. I should have known man. Fuck it. I can’t stop blaming myself. Yes. I get myself fooled again. I’ve done another stupid mistake. Darkness and loneliness is where I belong. There’s no room for light because it’s all bullshit. Why this has to happen to me? Its happening again. Dammit. I don’t know what to do now. Should I just let him go and do nothing? Should I still be friends with them? Shucks, I need a sign. May I be strong to go through this as I tell myself. Be strong, Lik Chuen. Be strong...

[soundbites]
Life - Our Lady Peace
Goodbye - Natalie Imbruglia
By Your Side - Sade