motivation. yeah i need motivation. know what.. i will be having this two week's break right? yeah after i had that, i will have to pass up 6 goddamn assignments and a fucking test to sit for which i have a slight idea of what the hell it is all about all this while. damn i have the feeling that im going to flunk it. but damn i just need to try and pass it. *fingers crossed*

oh gosh i dont know why i still check out lip. damn i dont even call him that but his current girlfriend does. dammit. man i know i shouldnt even talk about this in my goddamn blog. fuck it man. fuck it. *shows middle finger* ARGH!

anyway my point of updating my blog is that i seriously miss putra. you think that im just getting a substitution? you do? okay, i'll advice that you leave this place at once i tell you. you dont understand me so get lost. i have this really strong feelings about putra.. i missed him a lot. he left without calling me. yeah broken promise. i can still imagine the first time we met, we were in his van, driving around like nobody's business and having a good time joyriding. he's really cute vegetarian. oh and i think he look handsome. *wink wink* anyway thats a girl thing, dont think you'll understand. im so disappointed at the fact that he's gone. well maybe not so much, just that he left without saying anything. you know.. have a talk or something. i miss talking to him. i miss his company. oh bloody hell i just wished that i could yell out his name right now telling him how much i miss him. damn i have been fagging so much that im actually broke. i have a 7 ringgit in my purse right now and that i have to survive until this friday.. no wait, until the end of the month. oh gawd... sigh sigh sigh i think a miracle would be nice to me right now... yeah a miracle..

yesterday i got back kind of late and then i couldnt really sleep because i was missing putra so damn much. so okay i went downstairs and get myself a bottle of water and then picked up the phone and dialled up my god bro's number.. he was a lil asleep, i think.. then i just told him that hey i miss putra and shit then he started giving me this lecture about my having this tendency to like guys who is about to go overseas or something. fuck. i asked him whether if he thinks that i like to or rather have the intention to do so? to get myself disappointed and worked up over..? i mean what the fuck? i dont need this kind of talk.. and i thought that i could come to him for comfort. i guess it was a wrong timing because he, himself isnt surviving too well off. he has got this love problem of his and trust me, its like history repeating itself and i know exactly what will happen. anyway i cut the conversation short by saying that i need to asnwer call of nature. but seriously i need to answer call of nature. heheheh.. kind of funny though. oh well the conversation ended up in a not-so-nice kind of mode. he went 'Fine'... i wished goodnight and sweet dreams and i have decided not to call him... give each other some time. heh i guess this is the so called comfort and the offer for comfort place. you do the math.

gosh i need to spill everything out. blogging is so damn addictive. maybe for me its a form of relief. if you are okay with it, bare it with me will ya? or else, please leave the premise. i'll appreciate if i am left alone with all of my ramblings. its just a personal thing.. i didnt intend to make it a public thing.

you might have suggested that i email putra right? well everytime i try to do it, its either i dont have enough time or i just have other shitload of work to do. i am so fucking confused and blur. confused about exactly what he is feelings towards me and blur about the things that has been going on here in my life. i think i'll just come back and email him later. hopefully i can do so. i am so freaking hungry right now. going out to have lunch. eek.. bankrupt ler. sial.

okay now people, peace out and stay cherry. |m|