Tree of Pain

It was like sawdust, the unhappiness: it infiltrated everything, everything was a problem, everything made her cry – school, homework, boyfriends, the future, the lack of future, the uncertainty of future, fear of future, fear in general – but it was so hard to say exactly what the problem was in the first place.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, it seems only right that you keep on trying but in the end, you know it’s all worthless. At that time, you keep on telling yourself that it is only for the best that you try but how many of us actually realized that you’re only living in denial?

However, if you are lucky enough, you’ll have people who care for you reaching out or you. But if you’re the opposite way around, I guess you’re just like me. Sadness and the constant why will be haunting you everyday of your life.

Blame it on parents who brought us into this world and left us wandering through our lives without guidance and much care or affection. It’s plain paranoid.

I get so depressed at the fact that the human species have to be dependent on love. Feelings of pain, depression, sadness, loneliness, weakness, misery and sometimes suicidal occurs which can make you go berserk and even reach the stage of infinity. So why bother? Now I have the other part of me saying that it’s the greatest thing on earth and which at some point I do agree with and never deny that it brings smiles and wonderful things along the way.

I am still in search of myself. I’m confused and therefore I am depressed. I can’t tell you what drink that I like the best but I sure know that h2o is good for you or at least my parents or rather all of our parents tell us that it’s all good.
Point is, are we actually who we want ourselves to be? Do these elements like culture, upbringing, religion and beliefs affect the building of a character? Do they have to be part of ourselves in order for us to be the person that we want ourselves to be?

I guess I’m just so depressed that I’m starting to wander about everything.

Boredom strikes my soul like an arrow with a bow.

[soundbites]
Michelle Branch – Goodbye To You
Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi
Jazzanova – The Remixes 1997-2000