For the past few days I have this urge of getting this *something* out of my head. The thing is that I don’t even know it myself or what it is. I don’t exactly know what I am feeling. I’m not sure if it is called anger. All I’m sure of is that it is something negative.

I may not be gothic, but some people would see me as a Goth but some would say that I’m somewhat a poser. I am of neutral level. I am not extremely happy or extremely sad. But I think attention therapy may help to cure. Somehow I may seem to be sappy all the time but then that is just what I was feeling at that moment.

I tried to be happy. I mean I do feel happy sometimes but am I REALLY happy? I want to be happy. I really want to. I want everybody to like me.

I just can’t be stuck up. That’s my only flaw and the only way to be happy nowadays.

I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. Class will starts on mid of Feb and I am afraid that I might not catch up with studies. I can’t even sit down properly and quietly to read a book. As I am thinking now, everything that I do is not something that I really enjoy. They’re alternatives to kill time. I am not doing anything useful.

I realized it but I don’t take action. I need motivation and maybe short cuts. I need encouragement.

I feel so out of place, just like an outcast.

I don’t have a 38,24,36 body measurement. I don’t have a face that sells. I don’t have my high school leaving cert. I don’t have any heels. I don’t have the ability to get straight A’s. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have a wonderful family. I don’t get a rm3000 allowance. I don’t have a freaking driving license. I don’t have a freaking social life. I don’t have a creative mind like yours.

All I’m proud of are my honesty and sincerity. My bra size of 40B/C and my hands. My testimonials. My lips. My lip piercing. In fact, all of my piercings. My puma sneakers. And that I used to be freaking active in school activities and of course my dad. The ::sometimes:: ability to make people laugh and the thought of always being there for other people that I cared for.

I’m a bit abnormal and I’m being treated like an outcast.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it.