Insolence Abuse
I am so angry right now. My sister came back from KL today. It is not because of her return, it is her presence and attitude. She is always nagging about things. I can’t stay up late, I can’t turn on the volume, I can’t say whatever that I want to say, I can’t do whatever that I want, I can’t be what she wants me to be. She wants to be the one in control. Damn it. She is always the competing one when it comes to winning my mother’s love. What!!? Maybe competing is not the word, I didn’t even take part in that kind of lame competition in the very beginning. I never was. What’s the point anyway?
It hurts me so bad that she thinks that I am competing with her. It hurts even badly when she made vicious insults. What is her problem? I didn’t even wish for this. She is the kind that shows off her trophy and made nasty remarks right in your face. Oh did I mention that she is the kind that goes up to the person to say that she is in the right position while she is in the wrong and later poison the listener’s mind by saying that I am in the wrong position. So come to think about it, I am the loser, the enemy, the scum, the trash and the never-change-for-the-good-kind-of-person. Do you know how it feels when you have all the pressures on you? The expectation of you to be even brighter compare to your brothers and sisters. They always question my being, they never support, never agree, never assist and never change. I will never going to gain their trust and their faith. They never appreciate.
And all of these things it lead to one thing. I don’t know how to be stuck up enough. Not even one thing is the correct thing for me to do. I can’t do like what they expect me to do. Everything I do is wrong, wrong, wrong. I am out of their expectation and that’s why they lost faith in me and the closeness within a family. That’s why I am always an outcast. They never give a shit about me.
This will remain in me for a long time even though some people say that we are all family after all. I’d say that I’m thinking twice about it.
I myself AM hell.
I am so angry right now. My sister came back from KL today. It is not because of her return, it is her presence and attitude. She is always nagging about things. I can’t stay up late, I can’t turn on the volume, I can’t say whatever that I want to say, I can’t do whatever that I want, I can’t be what she wants me to be. She wants to be the one in control. Damn it. She is always the competing one when it comes to winning my mother’s love. What!!? Maybe competing is not the word, I didn’t even take part in that kind of lame competition in the very beginning. I never was. What’s the point anyway?
It hurts me so bad that she thinks that I am competing with her. It hurts even badly when she made vicious insults. What is her problem? I didn’t even wish for this. She is the kind that shows off her trophy and made nasty remarks right in your face. Oh did I mention that she is the kind that goes up to the person to say that she is in the right position while she is in the wrong and later poison the listener’s mind by saying that I am in the wrong position. So come to think about it, I am the loser, the enemy, the scum, the trash and the never-change-for-the-good-kind-of-person. Do you know how it feels when you have all the pressures on you? The expectation of you to be even brighter compare to your brothers and sisters. They always question my being, they never support, never agree, never assist and never change. I will never going to gain their trust and their faith. They never appreciate.
And all of these things it lead to one thing. I don’t know how to be stuck up enough. Not even one thing is the correct thing for me to do. I can’t do like what they expect me to do. Everything I do is wrong, wrong, wrong. I am out of their expectation and that’s why they lost faith in me and the closeness within a family. That’s why I am always an outcast. They never give a shit about me.
This will remain in me for a long time even though some people say that we are all family after all. I’d say that I’m thinking twice about it.
I myself AM hell.
Rambled at
12:38 AM
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