Free.
To be able to be proud of ourselves is a very precious thing. But to be proud without support or proof read is nothing. And I want to be proud of myself.
How am I going to explain so that you can understand my passion and interests while all this time you're being ignorant? I dont know the meaning of support and independant. I always have discouragement, boundaries and no means in whatever that Im undertaking. Just feed me and let me grow is not support by itself.
My life is in a little mess right now.
It's like I have the organs and everything else. But what Im lacking is a heart - an engine to bring this body to life. Take away my heart and I'm gone. No better than a piece of junk.
I've tried putting on happy-happy songs.. but I still light up the fags that I have left. Leaving no mercy for my already damaged lungs. Caused a mad frenzy in my head and uncontrolled state of mind. Adrenaline pumping through my veins causing my heart to beat in a faster speed as my brain races it to find a solution. The finish line is no where to be seen and it didnt cross the finish line. I laid down on my bed, cuddled up with my ever-faithful blankie and bolster.. and closed my eyes to let the rest of the adrenaline flow through my whole body.
What the heck, since I cant be happy when I listen to happy-happy songs, I might as well weep as much as I want to. So this time around, I popped in cryptic songs instead. After a while, Whats wrong with me? I have Mr. Happy on my right and Mr. Sad on my left and I was standing so stiff and so still right in the middle, without moving a muscle. I didnt cry, I didnt smile. I was just, ..there.
Inside, I know I want something. I want to choose. I had to choose. But if I am sad, Mr. Happy appeared. But if I am happy, Mr. Sad appeared. What is this? Im stuck in the middle of nowhere.
One thing's for sure, I know I had to choose.
With choices, circumstances and consequences at hand.. I stretched out both my hands, take a deep breath, I closed my eyes and may the wind take me somewhere nice.
[soundbites]
Stacey Kent - Bewitched, Bothered, Bewildered
To be able to be proud of ourselves is a very precious thing. But to be proud without support or proof read is nothing. And I want to be proud of myself.
How am I going to explain so that you can understand my passion and interests while all this time you're being ignorant? I dont know the meaning of support and independant. I always have discouragement, boundaries and no means in whatever that Im undertaking. Just feed me and let me grow is not support by itself.
My life is in a little mess right now.
It's like I have the organs and everything else. But what Im lacking is a heart - an engine to bring this body to life. Take away my heart and I'm gone. No better than a piece of junk.
I've tried putting on happy-happy songs.. but I still light up the fags that I have left. Leaving no mercy for my already damaged lungs. Caused a mad frenzy in my head and uncontrolled state of mind. Adrenaline pumping through my veins causing my heart to beat in a faster speed as my brain races it to find a solution. The finish line is no where to be seen and it didnt cross the finish line. I laid down on my bed, cuddled up with my ever-faithful blankie and bolster.. and closed my eyes to let the rest of the adrenaline flow through my whole body.
What the heck, since I cant be happy when I listen to happy-happy songs, I might as well weep as much as I want to. So this time around, I popped in cryptic songs instead. After a while, Whats wrong with me? I have Mr. Happy on my right and Mr. Sad on my left and I was standing so stiff and so still right in the middle, without moving a muscle. I didnt cry, I didnt smile. I was just, ..there.
Inside, I know I want something. I want to choose. I had to choose. But if I am sad, Mr. Happy appeared. But if I am happy, Mr. Sad appeared. What is this? Im stuck in the middle of nowhere.
One thing's for sure, I know I had to choose.
With choices, circumstances and consequences at hand.. I stretched out both my hands, take a deep breath, I closed my eyes and may the wind take me somewhere nice.
[soundbites]
Stacey Kent - Bewitched, Bothered, Bewildered
Rambled at
4:53 PM
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