All Sewn Up.

yes, by longwave.

earlier i wrote an entry but then my 30 gig punya harddisk is almost full so it was protesting and caused my pc to hang. byebye entry. that fella needs a breather.

i am still way full out of my stomachs control. i had too much food. the next thing i know, i was swallowing down one big arse jug full of water and more than 10 green pills and the next minute, shitting.

my life is not exactly exciting like how he had said it. in another words, its boring. ive been slacking and rotting. i even joked to myself that i want to become a whatchamacallit opposite of a gynaecologist. yes i am high on smth. smth that is called batu. i took a whole block of it. and here i am kinda batu-fied as well. it is fairly obvious rite? mebbe not. oh its called urologist.

i want to blog as to what has been happening in my life and all that. but hell do i feel lazy to write about it as the list is countless. but again, i really want to write and i want to write good shit. i want to please myself. i want to know that i am still a useful person. i hate being shit and shitty.

wahey i am blogging anyway. i got to amuse my depressed self ok.

but ive cut down a whole lot on ciggies so that should actually stop depression. but cutting down on that doesnt provide me any benefits as i am still broke. ive lost directions. dont swap places with me now you. i'd rather make good use of my brains instead of just fantasizing about things that wont happen. everyday listening to morbid and mellow songs from coldplay, HIM, sp and jeff buckley wont help me.

i have asked myself what is really bothering me and ive given some thoughts about it. but there are like so many things here. so many of them that i lost track of what was really bothering me. i even lost track of my life. how it used to be a okay.

pms? nope. i'd have low tolerance and easily annoyed. family? i wonder how it would be like if he is still around. how things are currently around the household. trouble with mom. guys? shitless stories about it. but im kinda cool with it now. im not looking for a soul mate now. but sometimes it gets to you.. hits you hard on the face. looking back on what had happened to me. shitless. friends? not around anymore. ive got no one to turn to. what a drag.

i suppose there is the weather to blame. hah. it rained out of a sudden and then the next, i could see sunshine while looking outside at the balcony.

i want to go and see the sunset. i want to walk along the beach with cool breeze brushing through my chubby face. to be able to feel the ability of my hair to dance gracefully to the imaginary rhythm.

sunset is such a breath-taking scene.

i wrote this on my small lil white book and it reads..

tanned skin. uncombed hair. felt sticky. no shower for more than 24 hors. food down ther hroat and half way thru it had to give way. it had to get out. toilet, out out it went. she felt fat.

when depressed chewed on nails. those ugly and bald looking fingers. eww. they were not bald 3 hours ago.

lost track of life, what has been happeningin her life. shit, shitty, shit, shit.

one of the days. one of those days.

it rained. it rained today. it always rained on her. she cried.

yes yes friends talked to her, invited her to go chillout but she declined. she freaking declined. why.

shit shitty shit shit.

thats all. i feel shitty.

shitless.

ps thank you .

[soundbites]
red house painters - have you forgotten