Pause.

I was doing a lil blog reading just now. I couldn’t help but to notice that people are so eventful and so occupied with their daily lives. Interesting.

On another occasion, I was having my late lunch alone just now. The rm4.80 chicken chop was nicely placed on the table and suddenly, I stopped and see the world around me. I didn’t move and everybody seems to be so engaged in their own lives and they didn’t notice me. I feel like I’m in Sarah Mclachlan’s Adia video clip. It’s alright to have that kind of power to sit down and notice things around you and people just don’t bother about you. It’s nice to see how fast the world can pass you by. I feel superior but at the same time, I wanted to feel inferior.

Although I have my education to concentrate on and my fag on my left hand to finish.. but what I really don’t get is my own life. It really made me ponder about my life.

Why the hell am I sitting here inducing radiation to my eyes while what I needed to do at this bloody moment is to study and work hard for my exams? Concentrate on my education? Fuck me.

Am I disregarding my life? Am I disregarding my future?

Scars are all over my history. Time won’t tell if I’m healing or not. Nobody can wipe off my history. There are just too many questions to ask. There are just too many things for me. I don’t want to feel a thing. At the same time I want to feel everything.

I’m too familiar with this kind of feeling now. For once, can I feel a lil different? Can I feel surreal? Can I feel happy?

I don’t make sense. I’m faltering.