The Outcome.

I have obtained my result just now.

The first minute I stepped into the classroom, it was like a frenzy. Everybody was talking about it. All were thinking that it would be out right after the class finish which is like 12pm. But heck one fella came into the class and then told us that its already available for collection at the exam unit. Instantly the whole bunch went over to collect it since the lecturer was not there yet.

I didnt follow the herd though. I cant quite understand what I was feeling inside. I just didnt get the nudge that I much needed to follow the herd. After a while the lecturer came in and then the herd came in with a sheet of paper in their hands. Sigh, some got really good grades lor. Anyway the class continued and I was bored and was trying hard to absorb what he was trying to teach us. Heck I need to detach myself from the crowd, probably sit at the corner by myself so that I would feel better and that I would listen to what he was teaching. I need to pay attention in class. Sigh!

Then we had a short break, so I went over to exam unit to obtain it. My result turned out quite well actually. I got an apple and a boy for my double credit module and a boy for another paper. At least I would say it is something that I would or should be rejoicing about. Feeling all lala about it.

Apparently I didnt for no reason. Instead I feel a tad bit bitter. Like there's nothing to be so hurrah hurrah about. You know.. like just mundane, nonchalent, no biggie sort of feeling. Blah.

Maybe its like just another sheet of paper consisting my grades. Not to say that I already know that I wouldnt get good grades. But more like I know even if I got good grades it doesnt mean anything to me. Man, I think I need to be more ambitious. Perhaps I was but heck when the results got to me, I was like tidak apa like that. Gosh where is the enthusiasm in me?

The kind of mixed feelings that I didnt quite understand. I should be feeling accomplished, successful cuz it paid off, its all worth it. But heck, where the fuck is all that? I didnt feel as if I was floating or bloated with ego or enthusiasm at all. Cow's mahai lah.

Sigh. What has happened to me? I need to feel wonderfully energized and terrificly bold like how I used to feel. Dammit. :(

[soundbites]
Sheryl Crow - Begin The Beguine