Randomness.

Xmas came and went, I had a blast nonetheless. Time spent mostly with friends, plastered and a terrible hungover, bleeding tired. Drove around, did some errands, there goes my 20 dollar petrol.

Last I checked, I'm not feeling all that great, all because of a damn phonecall. Too tiny a thing to change your life? Kinda shitty, no? It is a decision on life. It's like I've come to a crossroad standing, trying to figure out which way to go. You may see me now, the next thing, you may not see me anymore.

Im feeling very odd right now. Laziness kicked in whenever I try to update this blog. Im getting the laziness now I think. But then again, I was out pretty much the whole of this and last week. If you were to ask me how am I doing? One word. T_I_R_E_D.

Im so wasted. There's so many things running in my head right now. After this, I may just get a pen and paper and write down everything that I should be bringing along with me. Just maybe. Or I might just be looking for a job the next minute. Sacrifice?

What will my answer be?

Desperately in need of someone to talk to right now. I dont feel good. Like yeah, whats else is new? What the point of having another half is he cant be there for you? Cant even cheer you up and listen to you. Where's the basic emotional support?

Now dont go asking me how I feel now. Crappy. I dont need to recall what Im feeling now as it is fundamentally flawed anyway. Then I will tell you that Im getting plastered by Jeff Buckley, looping songs like Last Goodbye and Hallelujah. If only he could tell me or rather give me any kind of signs and show me the way.

Head needs to rest, tired like fuck. I've been drifting too much. No, gather thoughts and gather feelings. Why he didnt pick up my phone calls? Why he didnt call me back? Why he flew my 747 plane?

Shit, Im not gathering my thoughts. Im about to start on another issue. Er, where was I?

Yes, going to get some rest and there's a gig tmr and hopefully I'll get a nice tan. I miss the beach. I hope that he'd be lying next to me in the morning.

Damn it. I miss the beach. Im getting a tan. Hmmm laziness didnt kick in afterall.

I lost myself on a cool damp night
Gave myself in that misty light
Was hypnotized by a strange delight
Under a lilac tree
I made wine from the lilac tree
Put my heart in its recipe
It makes me see what I want to see
and be what I want to be
When I think more than I want to think
Do things I never should do
I drink much more that I ought to drink
Because I brings me back you...

Lilac wine is sweet and heady, like my love
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, like my love
Listen to me... I cannot see clearly
Isn't that she coming to me nearly here?
Lilac wine is sweet and heady where's my love?
Lilac wine, I feel unsteady, where's my love?
Listen to me, why is everything so hazy?
Isn't that she, or am I just going crazy, dear?
Lilac Wine, I feel unready for my love...

[soundbites]
Jeff Buckley - Lilac Wine