I Dont Know Why.

I think I play this role of being a happy friend whenever needed, doesnt matter the fact that Im depressed or anything, I'd still be that happy friend. They didnt realize it I guess. Or is it like it's my fucking role so I'd have to be that way.

Another role is that Im this screwed up in the head and depressed friend who smokes a pack of 20s in two days or one whole pack a day. Screwed up because I try so hard to be a poser in being a drunkyard, goth, or even a whining bitch that it got backfired.

The role of being the thoughtful friend. Sending cards every year without fail during the festive seasons and birthdays. Calling and smsing. Dropping by whenever I can and to simply just call and check them up. Sometimes I think Im a lil anti-social because Im just plain sick of being nice and thoughtful. Or perhaps it was because Im just sick of the people and the crowd.

It's so nonchalant today that I started to feel paranoid. I didnt feel like talking alot. I didnt feel like smoking. I didnt feel like eating. I didnt feel like calling. I didnt feel like driving. I didnt feel like walking. I didnt feel like doing anything except downloading some old school songs and listening to some pop to pop my spirits.

Tmr, Im gonna die of boredom and I'd probably be suffering from thinking too much about how my day is surpose to be or how I want it to be. Expectations. What a killer.

Im just plain depressed. Just a lil. I guess Im not that happy go lucky kind of friend anymore. Even that, how many people out there give a damn about it after knowing that? Like I mentioned earlier, people just dont give a damn, they give a damn about role. Blardy fcuking roles.

Okay, pop makes me feel happy. Keeps the heart popping.

Oh you just dont care.

[soundbites]
New Radicals - Someday We'll Know