Guilty As Charged.

With me hanging up that phonecall, it made me feel superior and accomplished. But at the same time, unbelievably bitter too.

I was washing my car and cleaning the interior, spraying detergent and some agent to make it look shiny and clean. Suddenly, he gave me a call. Knowingly, I acted cold. He asked me what Im doing and whether he's interrupting me. I said sort of and hang up.

I cleaned my window with all of my energy, I pressed the cloth as hard as I can to wipe the window. I guess anger was filling up in me while I kept thinking what I should do after Im done with the car. To call back or not to call back. To tell or not to tell. To confront or not to confront. Then I concluded that he's a vain scumball. Then I thought that I've stuffed down more that Im suppose to since that day. Dammit.

Well, what I did was I called him back. "Whats up?" I said coldly. And comtinued nonchalantly while actually I was using I-know-what-you-did-and-I-saw-it-and-now-Im-listening-and-you-explain-yourself-now tone. He noticed and asked me if I was okay. "I'm fine." I lied. Without wasting anymore time and money on the stupid phonecall, I asked him and confronted him. Hesitantly he told me what I saw and I screwed him right there without revealing much about how I felt about it. I didnt plead, I didnt blink. But I could sense myself shaking. My voice was shaking for a bit. I regained my strength and told him about the whole incident and he was as expected, speechless. Well, not exactly speechless but trying to save himself. He explained himself using words like 'casual' and 'it was nothing' which I find very pathetic and irrelavant. I pressed even harder and snorted at him, then he was totally speechless this time. I picked myself up telling myself that I should end this once and for all seeing that there is no point in talking more about it. Nonetheless, I gave him a chance to explain and I warned him that he'd better do it now or he wont be having any chance later. He gasped at this point I persume because he was again, speechless, he didnt say a word. That's it, I thought to myself. I announced that from that moment onwards, he wont be hearing from me and I shall not hear from him. Then I said bye.

I hung up on him with silence in the air.

I recalled, I didnt raise my voice, I didnt loose my cool, except that there was a point where my voice was shaking and I had hoped that he didnt notice it.

To the shower I went, took a long hot one, cleansed, scrubbed and conditioned. I just want to be left alone. Deep down, there was a *slight* expectation that he'd call me back but I seriously doubt that. Perhaps where I've gotten that kind of expectation was that my ex used to call me back whenever we ended up in a fight.

I got out from the shower and dry my hair and body with my towel and peeked at my cellphone which I have left it on the bed. Nope, nothing, the screen was the same as the time before I threw it on my bed. For a moment, I have a tiny smile formed around the corner of my mouth. I thought to myself that I was correct and didnt expect much, for once.

I am, in fact, glad.

I stood up for myself.

[soundbites]
Resh Monu - Dont You Cry