Pash.

I just got home, horribly exhausted.. and here's what I wrote just now while working. Well, aku tadak hidup. I know. *nods* But will ya just gimme a break here? I need to vent out my misery. Horrible. Im better off with my own ranting and panting to myself.

Here goes..

I'm terribly shocked. what I want to do now is to just go home, take a long hot shower, curl up in my bed with my blanket over my body and never get out of that comfy position. I really wonder where I'd gotten the power to get up in the morning, or rather manage to fall asleep after what I've witnessed yesterday night. It made me wonder even more at how I manage to smile at almost everyone who passes by who could probably be a potential customer. Now I seriously wonder at the fact that how I manage to hold back the blood that was forming inside of my bleeding heart.. and how surprisingly the people seems to be picking at the scabs. I'm indeed surprised. I havent shed a tear, nope, not a single one. Im worried for myself. Am I turning numb or am I letting that bastard to get away with what he had done. The most outrageous thing that I did that resembles me fuming is probably driving 50 kmph while listening and singing along to Matchbox 20's Push. Repeated the track. The van driver behind me must have thought that Im really a mad lady driver and not to mention psychopathic(?), seeing that I was shouting, ahem, I mean singing with goddamn fuming emotions on my face. What I've done is probably shurugging off the thought of him.. or how I should react, what I should have reacted or maybe even worse, yesterday's incident. I guess Im a stronger person compared to last time. Im really getting over. Im slowly letting go.. but dont you dare come along picking at the scabs, you hear? Perhaps Im destinied not to taste love as a dessert or a sweet delicacy that completes dinner. Perhaps Ive grown stale on that subject. Perhaps I will neber love again. Now Im starting to think that things happens for a reason. Despite working and feeling tired and Thursday's post-clubbing exhaustion, as I fell asleep in the car while waiting for my god brother and going for amovie is all worth it I guess. It made me realized that all the hurt and experience, he's not worth it. Though I used to hang on to a glimmer of light and hope. It's depressing. It's distracting. It's pathetic and It's over.

Can I say that Im dropping him like a hot portable grill? I need to rehydrate myself, Im way too dry.

I rest my case. No pas de deux for me.

[soundbites]
Nitin Sawney - Nostalgia