Numb By Slapshock
I tried to lose myself today
And hope this pain will go away
A thousand days I tried to waste
I feel the same but you're still okay

+pre-chorus+
I feel you, you don't feel me
I see you, you don't see me
Duck, duck as we stand back to back
I see you disappear in eyes it fades to black
I wanna let it out when I'm back on the track
Causing you to move bringing you a heart attack
And I feel the pain like a needle in my vein now
Hurt myself coz you think I didn't know how to
Cut myself and watch me bleed
I turn around as I watch you leave


+chorus+
Don't take away your eyes
Coz I know you're beside me but I just can't hold and see
I wish I'm numb inside
Coz I don't want this feelin', this feelin' that I can't hide


I tried to crawl inside of you
And make you feel those things you do
I turn away to watch you drown
I'm still right here tryin' to hear the sound


(+pre-chorus+)
(+chorus+)


(+chorus+)

37.5 %

My weblog owns 37.5 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?

yes YESSSSSSSSSHHH... just republished the whole goddamn thing. yeahhh! :)

im a genius. lol.

a very good morning to my new friend Jason. trust me, he's freaky. he's like this shadow of myself and that he could actually read minds? yeah spooky, thats the word for it. heheh thanks for the call in the morning Jason. i just like that name, Jason. ;) needed the company actually. just wanna hear a familiar voice. soothe me. you have a nice day and i shall hear from you alright? that is IF you are not freaking out about the facts about me or my looks or whatever.. heh

argh still dont know about what ceylonese is.. grrrr

feeling a bit blocked and i need to wash my hair. peace out. |m|

couldnt get into my host for comments and i still need to change the color of this page. suggestion pls? oh and i will apply a new template to this page in the future.
bummer got a few bugs undetected.

Do you give a fuck?

This quiz style was designed by alanna, adapted by Batfish Designs, and created by Missanthropy.

Dizzy up the Girl

ahh things aint looking up up if you did ask.

this is the last time that i will be using this laptop. i came online and i was hoping that i will bump into putra and talk to him. well i did but the thing is, i think he was avoiding me. he didnt reply me back in irc. i was shattered. i still remember that he told me that we wont loose contact and he will gimme a call when he is in russia. im so disappointed.

during the evening i was feeling so darn tired and screwed up. i'd say that im having AMS (after menstrual symptom)..
i actually have no class but then i purposely go to college to study. it turned out in the afternoon that i have no more concerntration and energy to study anymore. i felt so sick and feverish. not to mention tired and sleepy. sigh. got a class at 8am and then 2pm another class tmr. what a drag. i really felt like self-declaring off day tmr. i just hated to go all the way to college. stuck there like a prisoner. argh. the more i think about it, the more i think i will self declare it. heh. we'll see.

hah i have finally write some stuff in the DIY card for eugene and passed it to him this early morning. he flashed me this really huge smile that i have never seen before. that left me smiling and mumling about how stupid i am for not initiating a conversation with him. lol.
in the evening, i needed to recharge, so i went to SA1 to fag alone and he was on his way to his car.. then i approached him and we talked. he told me that he was about to go and get a haircut and grab lunch. i was feeling so hot and i was sweating a lil cuz i was wearing this hootie and pants. damn i like his tongue piercing.

im so freaking worried about my exams and fecking assignments all are pouring in. research and a formal presentation. damn. what a drag. i need more time. shitty, im having a headache.

damn dirty apes rocks. sina went back to auz last saturday. need to listen to mogwai.

THE FUCKING ARCHIVES ARE ALL FUCKING GONE. I WANT MY BLODDY ARCHIVES BACK. I WANT ALL OF MY ENTRIES BACK. DAMMIT.

just modified the menubar. changed the time zone, its half an hour earlier though. changed the location of comments. not to mention the colors.

i think all of my previous entries were deleted. dammit. what the hell is wrong man?!!!

hmm eugene sms-ed me. wishing me luck. weird.

oh i just cut my hair. layered it.

woohoooo~ bumped into putra online, talked to him for a freaking short time and then i got disconnected and then poof!
he's gone! dammit.

take the nerd test.


and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.


yesterday i went to the xfresh music festival at gurney plaza with kel. picked him up right after my exam in the morning. he was wearing red shirt, denin baggy shorts, levi's navy blue beret and nike shoes. i asked him to wear shorts and actually im surpose to wear my shorts but then i changed my mind. i think kel is cute though.

you know, i went to the exam room right, i was late for 10 minutes and when they finally gave me the questions after thay have photostated it and the whole class started to get up and go out from the exam room. i was there for ten minutes and then i left the premises. pretty fast eh? heh i think i sure will score distinction.

anyway coming back, it was a okay but then the highlight of the whole event is that i get to talk and get john handcock from Jason Lo himself. ah and ive noticed that more and more people are so find of Lo these days. commercialization. yeah.

i have been Lo's fan for years, eversince he made his first album. everytime he comes to penang, i sure will be there no matter what. took some pictures with him and my friend took a video clip of him. im so excited about it. i got this navy tag, my cigerette box and my fav tshirt with manson stich-on signed. yay yay... oh and i gave him my necklace since i found out that he lost his other one.

by the way i hereby want to address Jasdev for the videoclip and pics. i love ya man! :) you are my saviour and i will always be in debt. i took my camera with me and bought myself a roll of film and then found out that the camera aint working. dammit. i even missed out on taking photos with seven collar t-shirt. they're really cool people, they will innitiates conversation with ya and they're really down to earth. i didnt noticed them even when they are sitting next to kel and myself at mcd. darn. Ham is with his gf though... heheh. she's a chinese and has got good figure, taking pics of the band.

here's the list of artistes performed,
shawn baharin
urbanxchage
seven collar tshirt
azura or smth.. not sure
innuendo
rufedge (smth smth-lah)
teh tarik crew
triple noize
Jason Lo
etc..

when innuendo performed, i got so emotional that i had to go off and had a fag alone. they sang 'belaian jiwa' and as i was having a fag, i hated those people who came and went off in my life. i hate them so much that i hate myself for falling in the first place. i just hate it. i just get so tired of people these days... i am somehow getting antisocial i think. people are so pretentious and fake. what has happen to the world today?

well i am sick of writing about it anyway.





take the antisocial test.


and go to mewing.net. because laura's feeling social.


yeah like i care. so what if people know that im a lil antisocial. aint a bad thing. thats me.

I am truly passionate.

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.



man first of all, this thought has been bothering me so much that i think i wanna forget about it. yeah i missed putra. i went online just now and i saw one nick and base on the ip address, i think its putra. he didnt reply though. i was using the same nick. i REALLY think that its him or maybe.. i was just thinking too much and i hope too much that this whole thing turn out to be an illusion?

i dont have much inspiration or the urge to write. dont know why... but inside of me, there is this tingly feeling saying that i want to spit it out and tell someone about it. tortured.

i sure wont be updating my blog for this coming weeks until the mid of november.. i will be sitting for my final exams and a research to conduct and a formal presentation to do.

i want to get...
# cpu (better still with cdr, woofer and digicam or viewcam)
# get a job
# get pierced
# get ticket
# settle and get my brains back on track
# travel to kl
# modify this page, get new wordings

oh yeah i will be having my long break until february next year. damn its a long period so hopefully i will get every damn thing to settle... may it be mentally, physically or financially. im keeping my fingers crossed.

by the way having period now. argh.

i need to get this laptop charged or else its gonna die soon. besides kel's gonna call soon, lets just hope lah. and i need to get my brains working to store information. damni just cant quit biting my nails. dammit. i need to get dawn to dusk cd from the pumpkins out of my cdrom cuz its overplayed. heh.

stay in school and be cool. peace out. |m|

ps: - this saturday gurney plaza. Lo's coming. (YES YES YESSSSSSSS!!!!!) ;)

I'm getting there. I don't suck, but I've got ways to go.

Hmmmm?

just a thought that i ponder about the other day.

if you are a female and you are alone with a male in a hotel room with the lights out. without any plans at all both of you guys starting to make out. he's on top of you, ahem, of course making out with you and then, suddenly something, a squarish box thing with plastic outside came popping out of his back pocket. you can simply make a wild guess, it *might* be a box of condom. how do you feel?
"damn! we're going to fuck!" or " fuck! we're going to have sex!" or "shit! he's going to insert his thingy (manhood) in my thingy (womanhood)!"

think about it.. cheap hotel room with bed which make this squeky sound while you guys make out and basically i think its sick. both of your didnt even plan to make out or do anything and then suddenly, out of nothing the whole situation turned out to be like that. i would say "GROSS". What say you?

Relieved

well i am proud to say that im finally relieved. or better that in the morning. :)
no.noooo.. that aint a smirk ok? its a genuine smile. the whole morning got better when i talked to Akiko about stuff, that one particular stuff that bothered me. had a fag, woohooo!

i seriously need to fill my stomach lah. im so hungry that my stomach is drumming already.

ahhh yes i surpose i have to update about my weekend right? you know what, im lazy. yes.
i *might* be updating it IF i have time. yeah old saying huh.. but really i'll try. i NEED to get myself working for my assignments. hhahhh... dammit.

peace out. |m|

after my mom fetched me yesterday.. we were on our way back so we past this gelugor roundabout and i saw him! yeah not him but his dad.. his dad was driving his van, yeah with the 'P' on and everything. god, i can sensed that tears was forming up in my eyes. glad that i managed to hold it back. good.

well anyway Kel was smsing me yesterday, saying that he's fickle minded because he wanted to get either his nipple, tongue or lips pierced so he was asking me to advice him on that. well the next thing was that he called me up on the house phone and we were there talking for erm, i think 20 minutes. it was a casual talk though. he then excused himself cuz he have to work out? oh what the heck. hm he asked me out for tonight though. hmmm.

anyway i just passed up my assignment, hoping that i might get a good grade.
oh yeah, i remembered i read the big bro column yesterday and he said something like 'friends make your feel good about yourself, be there for you and...' stuff like that lah. and im sure that girl isnt one of them. actually i feel like deleting this paragraph but them im just lazy lah. sial.

hmm i gotha go anyway, jasdev is going to leave too.
well okay, peace out. i'll blog if i have time. |m|

hmm my god bro met up with michelle. uhh, yippie?! heh
anyway it was a bad time when michelle told me that, kind of a weird approach as well. i was about to go out from the library to have a fag. first, she was sitting next to me and i was there trying to read through my case study again and really trying hard to udnerstand the whole thing but then i just couldnt. well then suddenly she leaned over to my direction... of course not on my shoulder!! then she gave me this trying-hard-to-be-cute-but-at-the-same-time-friendly(?!) kind of look on her face then told me that she has got something to tell me. oh hohohaha.. she then spit it out. "i've actually met santhanan" great, i thought to myself. such a bad timing. i then told her that i really have to go, so i did. i came back right after an hour's time and she told esther that im unhappy. heheh yeah damn im not happy. not because she met up with him. but i just dont think that i am entitled to know that and i dont need that kind of information you know. damn. i mean yeah its really great that they've finally met up. its good. and its good that they're together know. i heard that they're "ON".
i surpose i am still a lil upset about the fact that he called me up the other day and made me cry and it hurts so much inside.

okie dokie, i gotha go now. mom's her.
peace out, |m|

Which Toe Are You?

oh hahah.. i am so fucking bored hearing about her. damn. she even bad-mouthing about me in front of some friends who i am quite close with. how dare she. dammit. bitching bitching bitching. two face sonavabich. mention bad things about me and belittle me like dust.. once blow it, it'll be gone. go figure.

oh anyway i am listening to Marilyn Manson's Antichrist Superstar.. yeah original cd. got it from a friend and its all mine.. yeah yeah yeah.. hmm now why do i have the tendency to repeat some stuff in three times eh? lol. funny.
yesterday i met up with my friend who came back from langkawi.. it was fun. i was smsing Kel. heheh.. were kidding around. he said he wanted to get his nipple pierced. i was like wha?! anyway i sortha asked him out but he couldnt make it cuz he has got no car? while his dad was using the line? wtf?! since his dad is using the line, meaning he's at home and the car isnt occupied.. oh what the heck.. so both me and my friend had McD and then went to Sega.. guess what, hehe we smoked Virginia Slims.. damn it was good. i still have like five packs of it in my house though. anyone interested in it? heheh care to join me? damn i love fags. oops. damn thought im surpose to quit it right but screw it lah. sial. ;p

ok, signing off now. peace out. |m|

Which Magical Order Are You In?
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You are an Elementalist. Your magic stems from the forces of nature. You might be a forest nuturing Druid, a storm-creating Weather-Wizard or any of the many Elementals, but one thing is sure-- your bond with nature is strong. You can rely heavily on nature to support yourself aesthetically or physically for it lends you both comfort and strength. Your instincts rarely fail you. You are vibrantly passionate but are sometimes carried away by your own emotions.