That's It.

I need help.

As a music lover with a new environment without any source or means to obtain new music, I am requesting for some help, your help.

I'm on a mission. I'm looking for a new source, am looking for ways to obtain new music.

In other words, can someone please burn some songs and send it to me? If you are kind enough that is.

Email me. We'll take it from there if you want something back in repayment. In exchange of cds or some sort of payment can be discussed.

Here's my situation.

I can't download anymore. Goddamn you are right, damn firewalls. Even some sites I couldn't get access to and do I need to mention download songs with the existance of firewalls? Oh and no more fast speed connection.

I got so used to downloading songs and all and it's rather impossible for me to scoop up some cash to buy the originals. Besides being typically Malaysian, pirated is all good ain't it? But heck, what's offered here is a whole bunch of vcds and dvds. Do I have "movie buff" stamped on my forehead? Nahh. 

Music baby, Muuuusicc.

Mates living here are erm, well, they listens to pop. Well, pop makes ya feel less suicidal and chirpy but I need more room for some other stuffs. Radio stuffs can be heard over the radio and most of them are over-rated anyway so no thanks.

Im looking for something rare, something non-radio, something classic, something different! Something that I dont have of course. Oh and definitely not forgetting whatever materials from our local bands. You have it, I want it.

I cant really say what I am looking for, but basically if it's new and its different, Im game for it. I'm open for any new genre of music.

For me, it is also a good way to learn music from other people with different tastes and different perspective. Not to mention to share music.

Kindly drop me a line [here] as I'm in dire need of new music. Reading the reviews and discovering them through the internet is killing me. Samples is much needed for a music lover to listen, no?

The Moving Banana.

I’m static now and I could still feel my body swinging sideways and back and forth from the ride. Oww..

Inertia is one thing and I’m a sucker to motion sickness. I get headache quite easily from the bumpy ride even without reading.

Factors like lack of sleep, sudden cool-warm weather, post bak kut teh euphoria and rarity civilization are the contributing factors of motion sickness I suppose. Too much travelling around maybe?

The effect is still lingering around my body. Not good.

I think I’m gonna go lie down for a while. Headache.

[soundbites]
DAI - Enrai

Realization Kills The Cat.

For the second time around, Champion called me during law tutorial and as a law lecturer she just despise students using cellphones in the class and I respect that. Whoever caught using the cellphone will be entitled for a lil presentation in front of the whole class. So I just ignored his call and sms-ed him saying that I would  call him back afterwards.

An hour passed and I called Champion up.

Blablabla.. biz.. bizz.. bizzz..
 
Then I turned from talking business mode to godknowswhat mode.

I said, "Yea, kejap lagi I miss you.."

*poof!* Realization.!

I corrected myself quickly having to realize that I was muttering rubbish.

*embarassed*

"I mean kejap lagi I miss call you ar.."

*laughter*

"Hehe, baik baik ar.."

*laughter*

I hung up. My friend who was standing next to me burst out laughing at me.

I so want to dig a hole and bury myself. :/

[soundbites]
Sheila Majid - Lagenda

 

Zipper.

 
Half way through lecture class, I excused myself to go to the washroom after much bladder torture. Finished my business and went back to class. We took pictures and class was dismissed.
 
Stood outside of class and chatted with a few friends, walked around with my head held high with my newly polished Tiffany & Co.'s bracelet, then went over to EU to obtain student calender and exam docket.
 
On the way to meet up with Champion, I adknowledged a female lecturer and she stopped me and told me something.
 
Guess what?
 
.. I forgot to zip my pants.
 
*faints* 
 
talk about embarassment.
  
 
hehe. :P

Gag Me.

It feels good just by the thought of spending time by the beach, taking brisk walks and to enjoy the breeze. Never failed to put a smile on my face to think of the once so familiar environment that I lived in couple of months back, to be able to see the familiar faces.. Just another 15 hours to go before I leave this hellhole, I tell myself.

Then it hit me, when I get back it would be an even worse hell for me actually. Tons of work has to be done by the end of next week with limited help from group members from hell. Did I say that were my classmates of two years? Friends from the same island? Need an emergency nervous breakdown that works? Consult them. They don't charge anyway.

They expect me to squeeze my brains out, slut it open and suck it dry and hard.

When I thought about it, I think I’ve displayed more expressions that I ever had in my life. It was like "rotten sun spits on your raw hide" and then "as you dance to the sound of a suicide" kind of song.

Moodswings made me a happy snappy broad but guess what?

It never lasted.

[soundbites]
Hole - Northern Star

Today in 25 Points.

Let's see, today I..

1) woke up late
2) skipped 3 classes in a row
3) had mental fights with own self
4) thought about life
5) catnapped
6) wanked
7) drank smth vile
8) slouched
9) thought abt him
10) smoked
11) had only one meal
12) cooked myself dinner
13) ate a slice of blueberry cheesecake
14) popped 3 pimples (how tragic)
15) didn't take my shower
16) got headache thinking about the 3 assignments
17) was ignored - as usual
18) felt this is good writing, very thought provoking
19) think that should give credit to this
20) listened to jazz the whole day
21) deleted some files
22) didnt spend at all
23) 3 ppl knocked on my door and said "Jesus loves you"
24) I would say "Insya-Allah"
25) and wrote this..

Have a great weekend everyone because I know I will when I'm at home. :)

Xpectation.

They say expectation is just a state of mind. Actually D said so.

I have no idea why he expects so much from me. As much as I could use a friend as but I don’t blame my friends for not lending an ear and sorts. What did I do wrong? Just because I didn’t say goodbye before I leave? Hell it’s not like I'm going anywhere. I was busy with preparations n all... he could have understood. But hey I don’t blame him for not stopping by and all. Besides he has got his gf to confront to. And even if I did lend an ear and all he would expects me to run his family errands. Driving here and there wouldn’t it? And he said it.. He doesn’t want to get too attached to me before I leave. And hey we are just friends.

As much as he would like to be a good friend to me, I don’t think he’s making the effort to be one. I try to be, I offered and what do I get? Not that I’m expecting anything. Nothing.

Now what? Taking it out on me because shits happened to ya?

Hey shit happened to me as well.

As for now, there are countless things that have been going on. Which I wouldn’t want to say it here. Its just plain pathetic.

I try so hard to be who I am.. And if you don’t like it, I guess just don’t like me then.

Who are you to judge me anyway?

You don’t understand me and don’t come around judging me and blame me or taking shits out on me. I have someone called mother who gave birth to me too you know.

I don’t consent to this.

Yeah go on.. Just be hard on me.

You will only get me keeping an even further distance from you.

[soundbites]
Longwave - Meet Me At The Bottom

Does anybody understand this statement?

College life and people sucks.

I don’t get it. It’s not like she knows a lot of people because she has been around the same old circle of friends for the previous semester and of course the current one.

So now, there are only four of them in the circle of friends and who is that had made her so unhappy to put up such nick name on messenger? All four of her friends have each other’s contacts so what now? Showing true colors it seems?

Or maybe my guess, she is expecting too much for her birthday as to her friends here should really celebrate it big, make it huge, make it grand, make it expensive kind of thing. It all boils down to her own expectations. The four friends are now having headache as to how to satisfy or at least fulfill her expectation. Financial and transportation are constraints. Earlier she had been dropping obvious hints here and there. Well if it is obvious, it wouldn’t be hints anymore would it?

Is celebrating and receiving gifts such a big fuss about birthdays? Whatever gifts or well wishes should comes from the heart. If it doesn’t then what is it? Would you want fake boobs and live in fear that one day it might rupture?

Whatever it is, birthdays are celebrated because you are celebrating that you had lived so far and escaped from death and that you are alive to celebrate your birthday today. So wtf is the purpose of gifts? To complement and to accompany the occasion. Isn’t a thong being enough for you instead of a panty? Okay, ignore the last sentence.

Hey I celebrated my birthday alone. Nobody really cared except for the rare few but hey I thank god for the few people that did. You know who you are. (That’s you, Hsin. Er can’t remember who else that wished and read my blog)

It’s really not a big deal, is it?

[soundbites]
Ash - Lost In You

Don't Mind Me.

Bummer. I feel lonely and depressed as fuck listening to Beth Orton's Sweetest Decline.

Rats. It's a good song to sleep with.. besides him that is.

Memories, nostalgia or whatchamacallit.. are occupying my head.

Hallo.. you see this or not? Or is the server fcuking up again?!

Arghghghghghghghghghghghghghghgggghh!!!

Cause and Effect.

I am as cranky as hell, I could be your worst nightmare if you leave me unsupervised. I could simply just slice you up and gobble you down for all that I care. Sleep is more important to me than anything else in the world right now. Screw my law assignment and screw my 1pm class. I didn’t skip the class to get distracted from my sleep.

Can’t they be a lil bit considerate? Why do they leave the tap water running while what they need is just a bucket of water and a lil Softlan to soak their clothes? For fuck’s sake, why do you need to do that? The fucking bathroom is just next to my room and I fucking need my sleep.

You see, I got a bit too excited since Saturday when I bought myself a book and two magazines to read from Kinokuniya. Name of the book is “Firefly” by Bernie Tan which I was so engrossed in even when I was cooking soup yesterday night. I couldn’t stop wanting to go back to my room and read up on it. I only started reading around in the late evening and it was like a drug that I had taken. I wanted to read everything.

I only had to leave it aside when the Euro 2004 final match, Portugal vs Greece was on the TV. Then went to bed after that, thinking that I’m going to self declare a holiday for myself since I predicted Greece would win the match. And I did, 8 am passed. Dont you just hate those early morning classes?

Shortly after 8.15am, a friend sms-ed me and told me that the freaking teacher is going to give us a quiz. Bloody hell. Oh man, did I fucking cursed and screwed my eyes out by rubbing them till they were partially red from irritation. Grabbed my file and pencil case and took off with my navy green sneaker without socks and yah, I didn' brush me teeth as well. How classic. I popped in two sweets.

The class was bored as hell as those foreign students were presenting their findings. Actually, more like talking to the wall and unprepared. Arh, why can’t they just fucking prepare properly? I mean they have an extra 3 days to do it, why don’t they? The lecturer was pissed like a rotten apple.

Half way during break time, I took a set of notes from her and apologized for being late. Wow, amazed by the amount of logic that I still have in my scatterbrain to actually apologize. Anyway, apologized I did and told her I was up reading a novel, she wasn’t mad at me *rejoices!* but instead she asked me to lend her the book once I’ve finished reading it. Phew.

That didn’t end there, after class, she even asked me to carry her books to her office at another block on the 3rd floor. She then went to the canteen to have her breakfast. This is how favouritism works for her I guess. She likes you, she will ask you to do things. Which is okay I guess. I needed the extra mile to put off my belly anyway. Hehe.

So back to my room, changed and then back to the book. Took me less than an hour to finish reading it. I almost cried, well I was actually touched and felt her pain while I was reading her words. It was so tragic and I am just very helpless.

The air must have worked magic, because I slept like a log. (Thanks mom for paying this air-conditioned room for me.) Sms-ed my friend and told her I wasn’t going to class at 1pm and crashed.

I swear I was having really beautiful and erotic dreams about my prince charming when those inconsiderate idiots started washing their clothes and leaving the tap on full blast. I woke up and felt grouchy as ever, opened up my door hoping to see those two bastards and tell them off but I guess it’s their lucky day, they were in their rooms.

Bloody hell. I went back to my bed and curled myself up with my towel blanket. After a while my stomach started to make drumming noise and my hair was really messy. Since I couldn’t take the noise inside of me and outside of me(read: the running water), I got up and went online, talked to Marlboro Man and rolled my own cherry tobacco and inhaled heavily.

Boy, I just despise disturbance when I was deprived of sleep and feeling hungry. Soon, I was out of the room and took my head to toe shower. While I was at it, someone from the lower floor was blasting music to my ears. As if the noise disturbance is not enough, the Japanese songs sounded like she was fowl crying over an empty canister of Pringles. It was silly. Then a hip hop track and then some Chinese lovey-dovey, heart-breaky songs. The music was as loud as it was blasting from the room next door.

What the hell..! o_O

For now, I am going to get something to drink and roll another stick. The thought of Genki Sushi on Saturday was such a turn on. Garh, going to make myself a hot cup of chamomile tea to soothe my veins.

Peace out.

[soundbites]
The Smashing Pumpkins – To Sheila (acoustic)

Friday I'm In Love.

teehee, nothing feels better than a hot cup of milk with oats and two half boiled eggs. Yummy. *slurps*

have a great day! :)

[soundbites]
Radiohead - Gagging Order

Foggy College Life.

That 45 minutes of hot shower sure lightens me up for a bit. Every time when I’m tired and overly stressed, a shower never ceases to take a lil itsy bit of worries away. Though it made me think profoundly. About people and life sometimes.

Why do I feel that I’m being surrounded by self centered people most of the time? Also, feeling restless and distracted about being all nice to people around me.

I can hardly speak to anyone right now. I was correct when I first said that the people here are vile.

They purposely want to make it obvious that they are more superior to you. Hailing the trophy and being selfish at the same time. I want to kill them with a gun.

She can just say whatever that pleases you. Do you question her sincerity? I want to cut off her tongue and feed it to the crows.

How many times I took the initiative and rarely the opposite way around?

Do they say thank you? Or at least appreciate the things you did?

Apart from other things, assignments have been bitches all along but I think I would rather sit in front of the pc doing research than just sitting in the library to study. Bloody buckets of pressure. I nearly fell asleep and was practically “fishing” under the cold weather.

I think I just shriveled up like a prune without the help of fellow members and friends. It’s really discouraging. Fucking tons of stress comes and gone, I felt like I wanted to cry, I felt like I wanted end this, I felt like I wanted to just take a train back to where I came from.

But god knows what kept me going and I did. I just felt unfair and saddened by the environment that I am staying in.

I just finished up my last stick and I’ve concluded that they are fucking vile. Extremely. Fuck you.

When you deprived for sleep, I guess funny things happens to you. You could be like me calm as water and groggy as after having to listen to cryptic songs.

Staying in my room for most of the day and most of the time for the past one week, I felt like I needed to get out. But can someone please lure me out?

Maybe dinner? I'm hungry.

Maybe that pack of fags too? Hehe.

Or maybe hugs?

[soundbites]
Mojave 3 – Mercy