ahh although im having my break, im here in the cyber cafe.. heheh great i surpose. i really have a need to get in touch with the real me, with my real feelings and write them down in order to relief myself. i know im surpose to do my human resource assignment but i have my body protesting it and yes you can see that, i am typing on this keyboard and posting up this blog.

i dug into my book cupboard and found myself a few books and make it to a point that i should read them since i am having my break. wtf am i thinking huh? i have assignments and i still want to read books? damn am i insane or what? the book title is Single White Email. hmm i really want to know the ending, its quite interesting, its non-fiction. if i could just flip through the last page and see what really is the ending.. but of course that will only be potong stim right? but anyway i didnt do it. i want to go through each and everything in detail... thats what it is for.

welp, lots of things happen last weekend. i was, erm as i would have categorize it as 'creating awareness' among some other friends. phew.. i was yakking all the way throught the whole morning. dammit i didnt know that the frigging 2 sotong will cost you like buying a pack of 20 fags. shit. damn i dont know what is it so intriguing about it. bah.
when i was about to pay for the money on the counter there i was about to ask for a pack of fag but i hold myself back.. no.. noo.. noooo... noway man! noway! dammit. i paid for the meals and i left... No! no fags.

Eugene called on saturday night. yeah i was at home sleeping early and didnt wake up the next day to accompany my mom anywhere. i surpose i was too lazy to get up. everytime i wake up and accompany her, its like entertaining. yeah thats the word, i entertain her and i make it to a point that i have to accompany her. damn, now why did i do that?
oh ohh.. im sorry, about Eugene. yeah so he called and then i was sleeping, i totally forgot what i said. thank gawd that i bumped into him today right after i come out from the laydees.. heheheh he told me i was "wasted" and i was about to go to the graveyard. heheheh he could never know that i was half way worshiping the satans or something right? or better still, wanking?! wtf?! but anyway it was really nice to have a lil chat with him, he smiled, yeahhh! :) yippie yippie yippie.. hohoho. and Again, he was having a break and i was about to come here - cc so i bumped into him and say hie to him! yay! he smiled again! oh my fucking god! lol... now why do i let out that kind of response? lol~

hmm now i wouldnt really want to talk about the whole weekend. it will take me ages to do so. anyway im so frigging tired to talk about it and yeah i have created enough of reflections for myself to realized that that so called friend or mine or rather i think she is in the first place, is actually a decoy. she hangs around with me just to make herself feels good about herself and not to mention 'use' me. A true friend will come around giving you a lift back to your house even though he/she lives the other side of the island. now thats what i really truly call FRIENDS.. im glad that i have a few friends like that. *smiles*

hmmm so i guess i have really and literally taken the 'optimistic' pill and it has digested in my system. did you notice that first of the paragraph i'd be reluctant to talk about it and eventually i did and hey, i aint that pessimistic afterall. great.

oh another thing that i'd mention about will be meeting with Kalesh. hmm. no idea what to say about him cuz i thinks that it is still early to judge or say anything about him. yeah i got to know him when i was clubbing with friends.. i danced with him, like as in couple as in a pair kind of thing? yeah hope you get the idea. yeah he danced well. really. oh! not to mention my lecturer! Mr. Vedha himself. DaMn!! and he's one really nice and cool people or rather lecturers that i've known. bless him.

there are some conflicts between my god bro and myself. some serious lectures which i dont think i need. got me ended up in depression and crying myself to sleep. having another things to upset me and made me cry. dammit. i guess im not in good terms with him now. im allowing some spaces between us. i shall not call him.. in the near future. so called person for comfort huh?

im sacrificing the time for assignments for friends and putra.. yup i just wrote him an email.

oh by the way i was passing through the main road that comes right after the gelugor roundabout and i saw putra's van. i think his dad was driving it and there i was left with the lil sadness in me which i kept it to myself.. i tried to cheer myself up after that though. just thought that i want to mention that in my blog since i cant really have anybody that i can really turn to. i have everybody around me have their own problems.. but who is there to hear mine?

peace. |m|

i'd like to acknowledge Jasdev here.. he's um, currently feeling down. i can feel it though. havent seen him today.. hopefully i might bump into him later on. anyway he's sort of depressed right now. i just wish that there's something i can do about it. currently if im not mistaken he's in the hostel right now and his phone is not with him. his dad took it. they had an arguement last week because of something.. just because he came home late.. i mean hello! it was the prom!! owww.. pity the guy. anyhow i'll just leave it up to fate, see if i can bump into him today. i might just talk to him and make him forget about the whole thing or rather talk to him about it if he wants to of course. well.. Jasdev, hopefully you'll get to see this but i doubt it but what the heck...! i really truly hope that everything will be fine for you. i myself isnt very well of anyway. i just wish nothing but the best for you and you take really good care of yourself alright? be cool about things. give it some time and you'll be just fine. you just hanging there eh mate? *hugs hugs hugs* *big tight tight hugs* you've always got a friend in me. if you'll ever need me, you know where to find me. stay cool. 8-)

motivation. yeah i need motivation. know what.. i will be having this two week's break right? yeah after i had that, i will have to pass up 6 goddamn assignments and a fucking test to sit for which i have a slight idea of what the hell it is all about all this while. damn i have the feeling that im going to flunk it. but damn i just need to try and pass it. *fingers crossed*

oh gosh i dont know why i still check out lip. damn i dont even call him that but his current girlfriend does. dammit. man i know i shouldnt even talk about this in my goddamn blog. fuck it man. fuck it. *shows middle finger* ARGH!

anyway my point of updating my blog is that i seriously miss putra. you think that im just getting a substitution? you do? okay, i'll advice that you leave this place at once i tell you. you dont understand me so get lost. i have this really strong feelings about putra.. i missed him a lot. he left without calling me. yeah broken promise. i can still imagine the first time we met, we were in his van, driving around like nobody's business and having a good time joyriding. he's really cute vegetarian. oh and i think he look handsome. *wink wink* anyway thats a girl thing, dont think you'll understand. im so disappointed at the fact that he's gone. well maybe not so much, just that he left without saying anything. you know.. have a talk or something. i miss talking to him. i miss his company. oh bloody hell i just wished that i could yell out his name right now telling him how much i miss him. damn i have been fagging so much that im actually broke. i have a 7 ringgit in my purse right now and that i have to survive until this friday.. no wait, until the end of the month. oh gawd... sigh sigh sigh i think a miracle would be nice to me right now... yeah a miracle..

yesterday i got back kind of late and then i couldnt really sleep because i was missing putra so damn much. so okay i went downstairs and get myself a bottle of water and then picked up the phone and dialled up my god bro's number.. he was a lil asleep, i think.. then i just told him that hey i miss putra and shit then he started giving me this lecture about my having this tendency to like guys who is about to go overseas or something. fuck. i asked him whether if he thinks that i like to or rather have the intention to do so? to get myself disappointed and worked up over..? i mean what the fuck? i dont need this kind of talk.. and i thought that i could come to him for comfort. i guess it was a wrong timing because he, himself isnt surviving too well off. he has got this love problem of his and trust me, its like history repeating itself and i know exactly what will happen. anyway i cut the conversation short by saying that i need to asnwer call of nature. but seriously i need to answer call of nature. heheheh.. kind of funny though. oh well the conversation ended up in a not-so-nice kind of mode. he went 'Fine'... i wished goodnight and sweet dreams and i have decided not to call him... give each other some time. heh i guess this is the so called comfort and the offer for comfort place. you do the math.

gosh i need to spill everything out. blogging is so damn addictive. maybe for me its a form of relief. if you are okay with it, bare it with me will ya? or else, please leave the premise. i'll appreciate if i am left alone with all of my ramblings. its just a personal thing.. i didnt intend to make it a public thing.

you might have suggested that i email putra right? well everytime i try to do it, its either i dont have enough time or i just have other shitload of work to do. i am so fucking confused and blur. confused about exactly what he is feelings towards me and blur about the things that has been going on here in my life. i think i'll just come back and email him later. hopefully i can do so. i am so freaking hungry right now. going out to have lunch. eek.. bankrupt ler. sial.

okay now people, peace out and stay cherry. |m|

with the ups and downs of things that had been going on in my life. i am so sick of everything. everytime when it is time for me to sleep, im hopeless. i felt like crying. everytime when i was woken up by my alarm clock, im hopeless, again. i felt like crying. for no reason at all? maybe. i am so confused. maybe i see things differently. maybe i dont see things. i can tell you that there are several times a day i really feel like crying. daily routine still goes on, activities go on but then at the end of the day i felt empty. thats so harsh. and i thought that all along i can handle pain well.. hm, maybe but this time, i guess i needed some support or consolation. darn, felt like crying again.

nothing changed. i often question myself. why do i always end up in this depression that im in. well, i often console myself saying that being in depression is not a bad thing at all. i'll know what im feeling, i'll write about it and learn from it. i guess its not a bad thing at all. maybe i should just get out of this, being too much attach to depression aint a good thing. i need to learn a thing or two about get over remedies. i should get some help, but are there any help available or offers out there?

im sure that i'll be all tensed up again this week. gees, hopefully i will get over it fast and without much difficulties, hopefully i can cope with it and then i shall have my two wks' break and spend it joyfully. again, hopefully.

You'll probably love genkistar.net.
Which Koi Variety Are You?

peace out. |m|

i just got out of the test room that i was in. not sure how well i did but i'd just hope for the best.

for the past week, i have been busy, yes. i have been out of track and unstable. sorry for not blogging that much for obvious reasons. i guess i will stop blogging for some time. say maybe a few month's time perhaps. but that aint the last decision. i'm still thinking. i guess im so packed up with stuffs around me, been thinking so much so that my head is going to blow off anytime soon. i was really, really in a bad mood yesterday. i hardly put on a smile on my face, if i did, it was a smirk. i felt like crying. i felt like dying. but yeah, im still alive and typing on this dell keyboard, so yeah i got it through. now, i remembered there's a saying, 'everything has got a bright side, you just have to look for it'. its true. noticed that i said 'i'd just hope for the best' in the first paragraph? i suppose i have already eaten that proverb alive. i am trying.

by the way prom's tomorrow..

things didnt change much since the last time i blogged. everything's pretty much the same. complains about tests, assignments.. studies. other than that, i wouldnt really want to talk about it. i really hope that someone out there will understand me. i dont think it is a difficult thing to do. im just a human being. a girl with her own thoughts and beliefs. a girl who might be naive and still learning about love and life. why do i have to be fooled everytime i put my feelings and efforts to it? all i want is just a simple thing, a genuine, honest and true feelings. i better not think about it now.. i rather not think about the future too. i'll just leave it up to fate because im restless and hopeless. please let something to help me be strong, let me pull through this.. i hope, i only hope... and i only wish...

I'm Rogue
What X-Men Character are You?

Well Ah do declare, Sugah! Looks like you're everyone's favourite Southern Belle: Rogue. You're beautiful, charming and tough as nails, but you've got a romantic streak as wide as the white in your hair. Yup, it appears you've got it all, except for the fact that you have to keep people at arm's length all the time and then angst about it incessantly.

i have got like so many things happened to me for the past few days. it was the weekend.
okay compare the last entry and this one, its erm, kind of contrast. i was 'lovestruck' but then today im 'lost'. i dont know if im surpose to post this thing that im about to say here cuz there will be people out there who will read my blog. i guess thats the bad thing about it, its open to the public. gosh. i guess i wouldnt tell afterall.

uh, can i complain? cuz im about to complain or rather whine about things again. yes, two tests, two assignments.. yes, this and next week. oh, and prom.. gosh. i need some cash man. need to buy a shawl, some cards and a gift. argh such a headache.

oh shitz.. i gotha go now, friends waiting for me... chao chao.. i'll try and blog if i have the time. BYE

yes yes yes, i am oh so happy today. :)
i've finished my assignment and the small lil test is over and wait! i got a presentation tmr.. but i guess im just going to delay the whole thing to next week.
yep yepp i was on the phone with putra yesterday, a memorable one. very sweet and very long. thanks putra, if you are reading this. *hugs* im gonna miss ya. *peck*
i slept around an hour's time and i was a lil late for class.. hehehh but it was all worth it i think. this morning, i was still, yes yes.. worried about my assignment which is dued today but then again, i went to my friend's place and then finished it up. yay! so all of my worries are now... hmm, reduced by half. yes! maybe more than that.. heheheh
putra sent me an sms just right after the lecturer
guess what, before i went to my friend's place, i actually stopped by putra's house. another YESSSSSSS!! i am so fucking glad man.. i am SO fucking glad. *big smiles*
okay so miranda just stopped by and gimme back my notes which i have left it in her car yesterday. (Note: Much Thanks Miranda!) we went out yesterday though.. of course with gopal and jasdev as well. yes, again i was surposed to get some work done but then again, miranda and co. sort of like persuaded me to go with them and then i'll just do the work in her house... eventually we didnt and then i end up in my house around 10 smth and discussing about prom clothings. gosh, i wished putra could be my date. *groan* maybe, i should go ahead and ask.. though the last time i did, he didnt really say no but he told me that he might be going down to kl a few days before his departure. :(
gees he looked very handsome this morning. ;) sweet.

okay time's up. its time for class. i might blog later. see you guys around.
peace out and be happy.

Victims are tied into you and stretched inch by agonizing inch, until they are either rent limb from limb or they confess. Or hey, maybe both. Not as bad as some people, someone tells you what you want to hear you'll feel better.

What torture would you be?


You're basically a giant skillet. You're slowly heated with a person strapped to you, and they're slowly fried alive. In other words, you take a while to get going, gradually getting madder until you're ready to hurt someone.

What torture would you be?

heheh.. again im skipping class again here, online.
actually just now i was in the library and then i suddenly have the feeling to update my blog and so i was on my way to the cyber cafe then the next thing i know is that, we were talking for like 20 minutes and then okay, time's up, gotha go for class. damn.

yesterday i did call up putra though.. got disconnected coupla times and then i kept on calling him back.. heheh i am so nice! :) and then finally.. we were on the phone for dunno how long lah.. i was half way, no wait, not even half way, its was like quaterly finishing through my unspoken feelings. sigh. i guess the time is not right. god, im starting to miss putra now. still , he havent been blogging.
after we hung up on the phone, actually his phone went out of battery, i didnt call back later. by the time he smsed me, i was a lil teary.. thinking about everything. about.. hmm okay, him. well like what i have told him over the sms, i said i just wished that we had known each other earlier and i just wished that we just have the time of the world to get to know each other better. and that i hate him. ;) having said/typed that out, i gave into my soft-side and then cry a lil.. then yes, Zzzzz.. away!

# sorry my battery went out! are you gonna sleep? big hug for my lik.. tell superman to grow some chest hair, hehe..
# haha, i love it that you hate me ;0) i wish that we'd met earlier too.. oh we will have that time, trst of our lives.. sweet dreams to you too.. dont forget em.. you have to tell me about them :>
# missing you like crazy...... what are you up to lik?
# cold & alone i've got an idea to make the day interesting :) i'll be back in a few days time. now, i've heard your side & will call you & we'll meet up, ok
# didnt go college today not feeling too well. just only woke up feeling like hell.
# hey lik.. im sorry.. hehe.. my phone is still dea.. hopefully i can cough up some $$$. ahahah.. i hope you're doing fine.. miss ya.. hugs.. you take care ok?
# im sorry lah, abandoned you just now.. my mum was like, i wanna sleep, get outta here NOW! you still wanna talk later? hmm.. ? what you doing now? blogging? hugs for my lik.. :0)

this was what happened yesterday and i forgot to post it up my blog.
i bumped into Prasanth, well i call him Ash atleast, and we were like passing by each other so he gave me this really huge grin on his face and yeah, i gotha admit that he is ahem, sexy. we used to have a thing for each other, or at least what i think it was true. weird thoughm bumped into him twice. heheh.. he's funny and welp. he's a normal chap. :)

actually imnot really into the mood of updating my blog right now and if i would really want to, i want to have my real self writing all the blogs and really come clean with my feelings and all. so there, i'll come back later i think. assignments to do. hmm, notice the 's'? yeah.. its plural. heh.

* i got the chance to talk to putra
* my god bro called
* post up the smses entries (reminder)
* my feelings after talking to putra
* *sob sob*

okay so thats about it, i better get going or else im going to be dead.

[SoundBites]
Track1, 3, 7, 9, 13 from the album Morning View by Incubus

hmm class finished earlier today so i have the chance to come to the cyber cafe to my assignments. oh and i bumped into Gopal.. hurhur and he said that Jasdev is sick ler. sial. no wonder he didnt reply me back. anyway Jasdev, if you are reading this, get well soon okay? well wishes for you. take you medicines! ;P
Psst! i had a glimpse of eugene just now. yay :D

:: how jedi are you? ::

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna
You are a -
Neutral Sheep!
Congrats - you do what you like! You make your own rules, not follow the flock!

ahhh.. hehe how you people doing out there eh?

anyway cut to the chase. what really happened yesterday was that i went out during the breaktime to bj, had mcD and then nothing big happened until i finished class at 3 smth.. i was erm, actually late for class. for like half an hour and then after a while the class was dismissed. around 4 i went out with some friends again and this one is the big one. its kinda of a bad thing, something for me to remember though. my friend was involved in an accident, it happened right in front of the car that i was in. my god! thank god my friend is fine, just a lil shaken like what was claimed by the fella. i really pity him and all that i can do right now is to offer my consolation. hanging there mate! :)

i went to bed around 10 and then i really sleep in around 11.. it was kind of a blur though. the next thing that i really know of is that i was downstairs calling putra in the middle of the freakingly cold night and after coupla minutes, mom came knocking on the door and then gave me a small lecturer, not a good sight and definitely not good at all. i got totally annoyed and then hung up. i locked the door and got my discman next to me, listening to morning view by incubus and blasting the headphones off. putra smsed me, it said: "hey.. thanks for calling.. you take care.. sorry to pull you all the way downstairs.. dream away then.. ;) big, huge hug"

i was sitting in the new second car that my brother bought today. its a vtec engine car. yeyy.. pretty cool though. but it is a bit noisy, he will be taking out one of the two bullets in the ekzos or something, i *think*
i miss called putra just now but there aint nothing from him. hmm wondering what he is doing..

currently the page is kind of screwed up i know. the erm, template is not surpose to be like this, hmm.. im trying out some of the templates though. hope it will work later on. its lunch time right now and the cyber cafe is so packed.
you know what people, i'll have two assignments to hand up and two lil presentations to do. sigh!

okay ive got nothing to crap right now, besides gotha go back to do my assignments right now. ciao baby!

ah! i am having my four hour's break time before the next class. how nice if i can sleep on my comfortable bed right now with my air-condition switched on. simply realxing. :)

i was expecting a phonecall from putra after the first time he called around 11 something. nehh he didnt. surprisingly i woke uparound 3:15am to check on my phone but i found a forwarded msg and a sms asking me to bring the antiseptic earspray tmr from jasdev. he said he might be going to watch a movie and im invited, baby! neh i dont feel like going for a movie, besides he said that is because he wanted me to bring the antiseptic and just saying that to make the whole msg sounds a lil bit friendly, i think, like an excuse. howvever, i wouldnt want to waste my money cuz im broke, ahah as always ;) having to say that, i might be making up some excuses.. hehe

my cousin will be coming back from hong kong today. hmm. have to share the room again and wont have the chance to pump up the volume of my speakers. haiyah.

ahak! jasdev is here... heheh. pity the guy because he has got 6 hour's breaktime, meaning 2 more hours compared to mine.

oh yeah, after i went back home, i straight away went to bed, it was so awesome. i needed the rest desperately because i only had an hour's beauty sleep after putra hung up. although it was a merely 1 hour or more than that, i was feeling refreshed. ahh and then i got a sms from nantha, asking me if i had not answer his phonecalls before. i mean seriously i have not reveiced any of his phonecalls. and why would i want to do that? i never shut people down or at least i try not to. plusi used to have a thing for him and he rarely appreciated it. im too darn nice. anyway he said that he called coupla times and that nobody answered it. bah! i dont know, i dont care.. i ignored him after i took my shower and then made dinner. sigh, had dinner with only my shodows and raining cats and dogs outside. yeah, cold and alone. some consolation there huh

know what, im wearing a skirt today.. heheh just thought that i wanna post it up here just for the heck of it. ;)

ah jen smsed me just now asking me whether if i can go for a drink with her after class, like around 4 pm. yeah she needed some advice from me.. kinda freaky. well yeah i'll meet up with her later on, here in the cyber cafe and then we'll go and i'll be the aunt-agony for a while there. :)

alright im taking off. hopefully everything will go just fine for me today.

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration.

When things are going well, something will go wrong.
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold. You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. Kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.

*gasp* my eyes are still sore. its kind of reddish. hmm havent been getting enough of sleep.

hmm so okay here's the scoop: i was on the phone with putra.. yes yes Finally! :) and im really happy about it.

hey putra, if you are reading this, thank you. im really really glad that you called. at least that is the only thing that i look forward to or the only person that can take my mind off things. of all these while, i missed you. hope to hear from you soon though. im kind of freaking out actually. the prom is approaching and putra will be off to russia. man, wished that will never have to happen. take me with you... i want out. by the way putra havent been blogging.

hmm another hour to go before my class. im bored out.

just got an email from my another god brother who is studying in sabah but then he was back in penang and im not sure if he is still in penang but hmm i'll try to call him. he's a really hardcore metal shitz kind of person.
so okay, talking about god brother.. this another god brother of mine, who's staying in tg bungah, same area as i am.. well erm, he's a bit humm.. dunno. he went through a miserable week and so did i; i have been so fucking busy with everything that's been going on in my mind. having deadlines, screwed up mind and naggings to handle, im like, okay this is enough for me, i dont think i can handle this so i didnt call. while he, was expecting me to call and all. yes he did try to call my house but many times i have asked him to call up my cellphone and he just refused to do so. so probably he is expecting a lil too much from me. he reminds me of michelle. not good. not that i have a thing against her, but we just dont click i guess. i dont want to get close to him because i think she will misunderstand me and whatever. well he is in fact very grateful and appreciate her a lot. i dont want to know get myself involved since i am involved in some other stuff. my head is too packed. he was sort of pointing a finger at me and i think he was pushing me a lil too hard. see, i said i wasnt able to handle this. now i feel pathetic. yeah and he is going to call me tonight. O_o

hmm i have just decided not to write about eugene, jasdev and people so much anymore. you people out there reading this might think that i am like totally obsessed with them or rather have no life so the speak.

i had a great weekend though, what about you?
my pc wasnt with me so i have to go to my buddy's place to do assignments. later that night, a whole bunch of friends to cafe and damn i was dancing the whole night. jasdev rang me up and met me there with gopal and andrew. bumped into my brother, heheh pretty cool. at least i was burning some fat. yeah.. got up the next day feeling hungry first thing in the morning. so saturday i went to her place again and then we were bumping around and to mcD for dinner and to my place to borrow some sweaters from me. again jasdev called me up.. actually to go for a movie with miranda and gopal but i declined and since he called again and i guess he is persuasive, i then followed them to tari cafe and then to cat feringghi for joyride. it was fun, i enjoyed myself. i love nature. jasdev kinda introduced me to a new spot by the beachside. its lovely.

having to look back o what i have written i know it is not so inspirational or anything grand. im kind of stuck here and i dont know what to do right now, so i just crap. yay. *peace sign*

again, putra.. putra.... hmmmm.. still havent got you phone reloaded huh? heheh..
oh i just miss called my god bro again.. hope to hear from him soon. reminds me of gigs and there havent been any real gigs going on in penang. its so dead.

i found this somewhere.. and i think it is quite interesting. he is a good writer. very inspirational.

What is a promise of love? And how do you keep it?
I have been pondering over this question for a few weeks now, but have not been able to come to a proper conclusion. And it is nagging at the back of my head, refusing to let up.

A promise of love is, in it's very essence, an oxymoron. It is a lie - the biggest, most vicious lie one could ever tell.

"I'll always love you...".
"I'll never leave you..."
"You'll always be the only one that I love..."

All the things we whisper and share when we are in our relationships, all the promises that we make, hold true only while we are in love. As we fall helplessly into love, we, too, fall helplessly out of it. It is a feeling beyond our control. These promises are beautiful, but the moment the love dies, they shatter into a thousand glass shards. Hurting. Wounding. Killing.

And no matter how hard we might want to keep them, they now count for naught. In fact, keeping a promise of love that has died is a even greater sin.

Now. How do you stop yourself from making promises when you're in love? I don't know either.

So. If someone makes you a promise, listen and smile, for they have the power to make you happy and glow with warmth. But always remember:

One of the most dangerous things you can ask for when it comes to love, is a warranty card.

Make only the promises you can keep.




Chinese singer Faye Wong sings in one of her ethereal laments:

Who does not want me, I do not want
Who does not love me, I do not love
When I turn off the light
All the shadows will cease to exist

[SoundBites]
Duncan Sheik - I'm on a high

fuck! 'Whats up my nigga!' thats what Jasdev said while wearing Gopal's winter coat.. hehehe damn cute-lah

anyway im actually depressed right now. i mean i was like, okay already.. thanks to Jasdev.. he craps and he makes me happy then after i got to know some stuff, i am now, here, depressed and sad. why? you might be wondering.

here sitting next to me in the cyber cafe is Jasdev. yes, again. i told him this.. my ex that i still have a bit of a feeling to now has a girlfriend who is staying in kl, i think. the point is, he broke up with me is because of the distance thing. he's a philipino you see, staying in manila. i feel cheated. the girlfriend is staying in kl and they are like the happy couple while i am here alone, doing nothing feeling depressed and sad, not to mention that i really feel like crying right now. yeah my eyes were like watery, or whatever suitable words there might be, im just lazy to think. i went to the library just now and i just felt sick and gloomy. i wasnt smiling at all, even so i will be like giving this really for fake smile and i just asked Jasdev whats that called. he said its called a smirk. yes, smirk then. *smirk* i dont know what to think anymore. maybe i was just being naive, maybe im just being stupid, maybe im just being foolish.
im thinking of fagging right now. not good.

HAHHHH! i noticed that Jasdev's lip is thick.. haha.. and not to mention that Gopal's eye lashes are curly.. ehheheh same goes to Jasdev. ;)

"Tomorrow"

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

[Chorus:]

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Open up your eyes

okay okay so i skipped class, i dont like that 60's zombie. eheheh. im really glad that putra sms me just now in the morning. i was hoping that he will call me last night but then he didnt. i guess he has got a reason of his own. hope to talk to him though. when i wake up this morning, the first thing i did was to check my phone, see if there is any missed calls or received msgs. neh i didnt.

i seriously have to catch things up with my assignments and shit. sigh...

Jasdev kind of opened up my eyes a bit about him. he's erm actually.. i dont know. heheheh i was biting him.. yum yummmmm.. i guess i was a lil hungry. i dont know. i love to bite! yay~ ;)

how many 'i dont know's that you hear me saying over the front page huh? sighhh

i have another assignment to hand up next week. i just gotha write it down here or else i will forget about it.

hmm so now i better go to the library and get something done. im buggering off right now. shooooooo~

CRAP! my cousin took away the computer and now i've been sticking my ass to the cyber cafe's slow and unsteady computer. she took it to service or some sort i dont know. ARGH! now i have to beg.. well, okay maybe not beg, but ask my friend to print stuff for me and i dont even know what im going to do with my assignments which are going to be dued tmr. ggrrrrrrrr! i hate my life.
hey sorry for i havent been blogging these days cuz of the problem that i have mentioned earlier.

okay tmr i have to take a test. im doomed, i didnt study about it. i feel so crappy right now. now im starting to ask myself where the heck is my goddamn concerntration?!!! fuck.

now im like avoiding michelle. esther told me that she is going to meet up with my god bro. 'so what?' i think. probably out for a movie and stuff like that, i dont care. i dont give a fucking care about it. i saw and i sensed that her eyes are always looking at me and trying to see what im wearing, what im saying and i feel like a total idiot and she is the total stalker. buckdich. im like even avoiding my god bro. i bumped into him online the other day though, didnt talk much cuz he always seems to be busy on the net. i couldnt be bothered. he didnt get the MAS job though. i sympathize him but i didnt offer to call. not that im cold, im just.. broke. this has got something to do with my mom, i mean the phonebills. she's been screwing up my ass like nobody's business. shit.

i was having my 10 minutes break time just now and i bumped into esther, michelle, christina, wei li and a whole bunch of friends. wei li made this remark which made me really ponder about my recent-self. she said that i looked kinda depressed these days. hmm.. was i that bad? anyway michelle was there so i dont want to talk about it i just jump to the other side of the conversation then i took off. still, was i that bad?

hey! i met up with putra yesterday. kinda missed him now. hoping that he'd call me later afterwards. well anyway we were driving around for an hour's time before stopping by mamak place, kayu to eat roti canai and later we found out that they dont serve that at that time, humph, too bad. after a drink, we went driving again and ended up somewhere bukit jambul residential area. we took some picture with his digicam. Putra! i want you to take off your shirt and let me get a pic of you!! you still owe me that.. oh and a meal, of course. ;)

putra havent been blogging.

had a good time with my friends yesterday when they came by my place. i love their company. :) im glad that i have them.

im checking out avril lavigne. she's COOL. i like her. hmm gotha check out more stuff about her.

WHOLY SHIT!!!!! i just recalled that i got a class right now. dammit! hehehe christina approached me just now.. i told her some stuff. im happy now. thanks christina! *hugs*
anyway anyway... go going gone!!
i'll blog later! cheers all...

WoW!

Which Disney Princess are you?

You're Pocahontas!

You feel a deep, spiritual connection with the earth and animals. While you fight against things as serious as oppressive invaders threatening your people's entire culture and way of life, you're still a young woman with a sense of humor, reflected in your choice of the mischevious raccoon for a pet. What you admire in a man are very noble qualities -- understanding and tolerance. You could never get along with someone who thought they owned the earth and were free to use it as they chose and not take care of it. You value life in all its forms. Although you're the Disneyfied version of the real-life Pocahontas, you're still a good person with high moral fiber and a big heart, and a wonderful role model for everyone.

i REALLY hope that the previous entry is posted up. *fingers crossed* i couldnt see the previous entry when i go to my blog page. hmm maybe there's something's wrong with the connection of the cyber cafe. it has been darn slow these days.. which reminds me of whether i can post this entry up. alamak....

the best thing about today so far is that i got to drive for around like 20 minutes around my college. yay... heheh its a damn auto car only lah

oh i just recalled that i have this case study and stuff stuffs to do so i better go off and make microsoft useful for a moment there.
ciao.

okay now im happy or at least i think i am for now. i just came out from the exam hall. just finished my test. actually i feel like crying. i dont know why. i was in the college for the 8am class but then i've decided to skip it and study in the library. i did try to study though but when i was in the exam hall, i seriously think that i was just wasting my time. its around 11.15am right now and i am here, blogging. im the first one to leave the hall though, not that i am proud of. i just knew that im totally screwed this time. just screwed. im in deep shit.

there were so many things in my head just now even when im in the exam hall. unbelievable but i thought about putra. dont ask me if its a good thing or a bad thing. i guess it is a good thing then. i mean i have him.. he's concerned about me, i think. he's my blog mate, he's my reader, im glad.

now blogging is like my habit right now. i tends to come online and blog. i mean to write about things since there isnt much things for me to write besides whats happening to me. i dont really talk to my good friends about it. i dont know why. i would say that they are my good friends but they dont really know everything about me. for me i guess good friends are like people that i mix around often? dunno. i guess thats the price to pay for you not to have a crowd that you mix with constantly. now its like im telling the public about what im thinking by coming online and blog. and somehow in someways putra has become my soulmate? i mean at least he knows shit about me i guess. If, that is he reads my blog regularly.

as for today, i have another two assignments to hand up end of this week and another test to sit for this friday. remember i was saying about the case study? yeah i have to hand it up this friday. god i hate this. busy busy week.. oh and not forgetting that my friend is coming back from langkawi and some friends want to go to gurney and hunt some dresses down and during night time they probably wants to go out and have fun.

shit of all the things thats going on in my mind, i feel like fagging. hehehe smoking lah.

oh hey i bumped into Eugene. great, wearing a rock concert tshirt. didnt even say hi. bumped into Jasdev. got a new haircut. that's pretty much about it. there is no life.. i shall get a life then.

oh about yesterday night, i went out with my friends to have lok lok.. man can you believe that was the first time i actually have that thing. had a pretty tiring day yesterday but then the next thing i know is that i was on the phone with putra, whispering cuz i just refuse to get my big fat ass to move from my room to my sister's room. i could barely recall what we talked about yesterday but all i know is that i was having a good time talking to him. although i was feeling fucking sleepy but then i want to talk to him. later on we got disconnected because his dad came back. i then fell asleep.

hmm again here are the smses that goes down to the history book of smses.

· Oh, I miss you and want to manja with you, even if you don’t miss me, hehe.. ooh, I want you as well.. ;) hugs
· ;0) miss call cuz I miss my Lik mah. Izvini(sorry), im like carrying heavy stuff all over, kinda got my hands full, ahaks, what are you up to?
· Lik.. morning.. big hug sorry, I fell asleep! Did you finish your assignment. You’re in class now right? Don’t let me be a bug then… u take care..

my phone wouldnt have any sounds if it wasnt for putra. been getting missed calls, *beep beep* *beep beep*(msg alert tone).. just wondering what he is doing right now.

my blogs recently are pretty much about putra, i know... *nods* but that is whats happening to me lately and he is like part of the daily life.. i just say whatever thats happening. but soon, i know that i wouldnt be getting calls, smses and missed calls as far as im concern! not to mention the 'uh-oh' from icq. i think im going to miss whats happening now. i should have neutralize everything now instead of after something changed and then neutralized. that might have to let me go through some harsh times. but somehow having to say that, i am still not doing anything about it. why.

well okay. im logging off and i'll be going to library to find rishant and get something from him.
lastly, putra, if you ARE reading this, 'hey.. go shave yourself!!' ;p

alrighty peace out! cheers.

damn this envelope signals are like flashing on the screen of my phone. i just refuse to delete my smses.
i just got another one from putra and im so fucking sleepy right now. the fucking connection is so goddamn slow. calming myself down not to explode. ahem.

am i suppose to put a title here? Not!!

i'd say that putra is more intelligent that i am. i couldnt figure out how to put in the quiz results in the first place until last week, i think, recently basically. gosh now i have to go to the prom because my friends have already included me in the list of people in one table. i have to scoop out cash from my mom (hopefully) to pay for the charge and sheesh, the dress. man i still have problems with finding a suitable and one which fits. i am so fat. damn my big butt and fleshy body. ;) gmm another two more weeks to go before the big thing. this doesnt really requires a date but i have been assigned to bring someone as my date because we have two more seats to go. and that reminds me of the departure of putra as well. its approaching.. obscure?

god! i think there is something wrong with my eyes as they are a wee bit blurry. man probably a spec? maybe. maybe im sleepy.. i guess.
been blogging and coming online frequently after i have putra as my reader. im glad really. i like to write stuff but i always question myself whats the purpose and since i dont have the potential to write good ones, i guess i'll just stick to blogging about myself or rather crap about myself. i just never have the gift to write really good stuff.

i have my eyelids half closed but i am still here typing this.
when i handed in the assignment today, i found out that i shouldnt be answering the way that i do in my answer for Q2. i intended to redo and pass it up to my lecturer tmr. oh and i have a test and a case study to hand up tmr. i dont care. im doomed. dont know why but i am like fading away, fast. i mean compare myself to semester 1? im more hardworking or rather 'ontrack' rather than now. sigh.

after posting my last entry, i suddenly kinda miss Eugene. i havent seen him for some time now. usually i will see him sitting in the library, studying or maybe around the college or his car. nothing. when i was about to go home, i was at block c and noticed that there are noises coming out from the band room. someone's playing drum, good skills though. i suspect its him.

still no replies from philippe. hope he's fine. im just, worried. thats all.

i dont really know why i tend to be morbid when im online, or rather blogging. im quite a happy go lucky kinda person. i dont give a shit about what they think about me. im, just weird.

*gasp* this bra is really killing me. haha. i bet putra is going to ask me why. (Note: Putra! isnt that so?!!! ;p)
im sorry he's been on my mind, i just say whatever that i thought of.

Right, so i have to wake up 6.30am in the morning and i should be asleep by now. so chao chao. nitez!

my thoughts has been pretty much revolve around studies - test tmr, assignments, blah.. going online, my blog, prom and putra.
gosh.. prom? hmm i shouldnt be making a big fuss about it. i mean really im not. my intention isnt totally 100% about going there and not 100% not going at all. im like, say 50-50? sheesh.

okay so i just got myself hooked up with BolehBlogs? web ring. im a member now. i kind of freaked out when i was looking through the list of webpages thay have. some of them are pretty dandy. i mean they're cool. very interesting blogs and interesting topics. sassy designs and basically, interesting! i was having doubts over there about my own blog. am feeling kinda weary right now.

hmm its so quiet today. i started the day by doing my last question for the assignment which is due today. pretty shittie. okay i better get to another paragrapgh or else i will be whinning all the way till the end about the neverending assignments.

im so worn out these few days. there are so many things to do in so little time and so many things in my head. there are still errors in my blogpage though, grrrr.. an unbelievable 12 debuggies. i checked through the html but i just cant find any problems with it. by the way noticed that i have deleted the comment thing? yeah so i did. still cant fix the problem with it and since there isnt many out there who knows about my blog, so i just deleted it off. heheh, i just have my say and you just listen! no more comments from ya putra. ;)

ok so since we are on the topic of putra, he is erm, still on perak road trying to get his car air-con fixed. well he's my only blog mate. hmm still trying to influence friends to blog though.. trying trying... hmm somehow i miss his company right now and i am sure that i will miss him more once he fly to russia. sigh.

anyway i might blog later cuz im just blank. besides im heading home right now, i need my fucking sleep. oh no wait! sheeesshhhhh! i have a fucking case study to hand up tmr. grrrr... geram aku!

oklah.
sugar and spice and everything nice. cheers!

See what Care Bear you are.

Which member of The Who are you?

Take the World of Darkness Quiz
by David J Rust

Tired & Freaked out

There’s this Caucasian couple working for Dalat Sch are staying behind my house. Not directly, just the back road of my house where I can see their house from my desk. I noticed that they have a Malaysia flag hanging on their car. How patriotic I think. Really, how many people, I mean Malaysians put up the flags? Unlike in KL, there are people who have got flags hanging here and there in the house and everywhere. Of course, I’m not saying that Malaysians are not patriotic but how many people out there actually appreciate and treasure the true meaning of Independence Day?

Wowzer. I slept around 6.10am in the morning. You know why? I was on the phone with Putra the whole night. Surprisingly Parin sms thru ICQ during my conversation with Putra. After an hour’s time I was awake and just have to take a shower and go out for breakfast. I was SO sleepy. I just have to do something about my beauty sleep, got to take revenge, yeah. Both Putra and me were pretty pathetic for staying on the phone for so long. Gosh I couldn’t recall when was the last time I had a long conversation on the phone with someone. I can’t really say anything too specific or in details over here cuz it’s open for public and stuff. Kinda freaky. So heheh… I’ll just leave it here. ;)

Alright. After I came back from breakfast with my family, I straight went to bed and sleep. I got a damn 13 missed calls?! I was then woken up by a phone call from a classmate asking me about the assignment. She asked about decentralization and centralization. Wow. I’m amazed that I could answer her back without having to mumble or grumble about something. Too bad for Putra, during the conversation, I got kind of sleepy, in fact, very sleepy and so I was crapping all the way. Mumble and grumble like nobody’s business. Heheh.

Japanese food for lunch at pulau tikus. Its my sister’s fav food though. I just hate it when mom and sis would ‘pakat’ together and do personal attacks to me verbally. Argh. Anyway I had a set ramen including gyoza and fried rice. They’re pretty dandy just that the ramen is so fucking big. Oh ramen is the Japanese mee. One big bowl with the big big spoon. Sheesh, I couldn’t finish it though. I am still full.

I’m like TOTALLY freaked out over my assignment. I’m dead. I am SO dead. Ssiiiiiiggggggggggggggghhh!!

Hm, so here are the smses that I am still keeping it in my inbox. Gotha delete it later so I’ll just post it here for me to remember.

· Oh, like, you really, hehe.. I don’t know what to say lah ;) tell you what, I’ll give you a ring when I’m normal ok? Hehe, big hug, I can tell you are restless.
· Corny or not, I still miss you as well.. um, I don’t mind, hehe.. big hug for my Lik.
· Nolah, I didn’t mean screwed lah… hey did you memorize what I said or something? It’s hard to describe.. you’re great lah, I cant help liking you even if you were screwed.. ok?
· Goodnight/morning.. ;0) dasvi danya, take care k? about the fags.. I wont try and lecture you lah, but you know how I feel about it right? Lik, I just don’t want you to suffer later on..
· What’s a ramen? ;0) you’re not gonna die, I’m not gonna let you.. you be good too. Maybe I’ll blog later and check out yours too. Muaks.. slurp, slurp.. hehe, tight hug.


Pretty pathetic huh? Some insights there.. sshhhhhhhh! Meant to be a secret. Sshhhhh…

Okay so I’ll go and do assignments now. I’m screwed. X_x
I have my cousin sis is giving me the finish-everything-and-get-off-my-computer stare. Eeekk!