Away.

[crap]

i just cant seem to get myself to blog regularly. i dont get the reason why really. but who am i kidding? i might just blog as regularly as possible if i'm a rich brat that has a credit card and everything privilages that comes with it. but i have to pay my bills, wash my junk, make my own meals, study hard to get an education, and wank for my own pleasure. i'll need to work my ass to pay for my own education in the very very near future.

i know i dont make sense.

whatever.

[/crap]

i woke up early in the morning and i couldnt get back to sleep. when i asked myself why and looked for the thing that's in my head. its the issue of the two of my buddies are going off. they're going overseas to further their studies. i shall miss them and i'm not even sure if i can cope with that. and of course other sub things that lead to that issue.

hard.

i cant imagine and i dont even have that kind of image where they will be leaving and i'll be at the airport to send them off. i was thinking, i will be the only one left here. what will my reactions be?

i got out of my bed, grabbed a few slices of bread and made myself a cup of milo then settled in front of the tv and tried not to think about it. after half an hour passed, i got bored of the programme on tv and went to my bedroom. i laid on my bed and starting thinking about it again.

maybe i shouldnt go to the airport and send them off. the more i think about it, the more i got confused. and perhaps that is the reason why i didnt send some of my friends off when they were leaving for overseas. but when it comes to picking them up from the airport, i'll be delighted and cheery about it.

maybe.. just maybe, i shouldnt.

but in the end, i came up with the conclusion of sending them off.

oh wait, problem. what should i buy as a gift? as an encouragement? as a rememberance?

shitty. headache lah.

then i got up again, went to the tv room, sat in front of it and again, tried not to think about it. come on, its a saturday. it's weekend, i should be resting and just relax.

its not like my friends dont matter to me. they do. in fact, a lot. no wait, humongous lot. i just want to give myself a break since i'm tired physically and mentally. gonna give myself a break after two consecutive days of total 5 hours of squash playing right?

so anyways i sat in front of the tv for err, say 5 or 6 hours? around like that and i bid my nails.. again!
dammit. i guess i tend to do that when i'm feeling down or when i'm in deep thoughts.

heck, i didnt stop thinking about my friends leaving.

during the tv commercials, the postman came by, dropped a few letters in the mailbox and left. the phone bill came and guess what, i'm officially broke and i mean officially brutally broke. god help me.

and there will be a gig tmr. there goes my 20 buckeroos.

well err, about the gig.

Damn Dirty Apes, Prana, Seven Collar T-Shirt, Love Me Butch, Whitelight will be playing. Not too sure about the rest of the bands but yeah a damn gig.

and i have a good hair day today. hurrah.

and both of my butt cheeks are fine now. yay.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

i want to split my heart
and let it bleed onto the ground.

trample it.

take it in and breathe it.
it's thickening and sickening
no one is there to taste the agony
or to feel the lapping flames
but the tranquil flow
begs
and pleads
and i wonder where the people have gone.

i have no inspiration
no motive
no audience
no purpose

the blood pools around your feet
you can smell it
you ignore it
and walk by with the rest of them
stopping only once
to look over your shoulder
and with a tear in your eye
you keep going

it's not who you think

it makes no sense,
yet carries all the meaning of the world
and weighs heavy on my heart
tonight


[soundbites]
marilyn manson - long hard road out of hell

Mind blogging.

Weekend is here like everyone anticipated it to be. Hurrah.

It's been raining and drizzling for the past few days. Even so, I washed my rusty old junk and I feel accomplished. Heh simply doing something as simple as that and I wouldn't say that it's a chore for me cuz I enjoy washing my old junk. Heh.

I guess there are little things out there that we do that make us feeling nice inside. And washing my car is one of them. I guess we just have to sit down and ponder and at some point we might just realize it.

Perhaps you should try. Let me know. It's always good to get comments and hear stories. :)

Hmm, Friday night and I'm staying in to blog. Yay.

One thing that I've found out about the topic of friends.

They are not like clothes.
You cant simply just pick them up and wear them when you needed them to keep you warm. They're for keeps.

Clothes don't have feelings. They're objects.
But friends do. They have emotions as well as feelings.

You cant be selfish and make them your clothes.
Even you clean wash and dry your clothes! Dammit.

Anyways Tower Records has arrived in Penang! Yahooeeeeeee~
It was opened last Thursday and I only managed to pay them a visit a few days ago. Damn. It wasn’t as big as the one in KL Plaza but it’s better than nothing. *grins* I went there to look for a part time job but then there wasn't any vacancies. Ho hum. Tough luck. But what I can do now is to wait for their response which I doubt. Heh.

The best part about it is that they have a Dance section or rather a room. It rocks. :D

There will be a gig tomorrow and I think I'm going to give it a miss since I'm seriously and brutally broke.

I bought a present for a friend and I attended her lil gathering aka buffet BBQ steamboat just now. *yummy!!* The restaurant is one of its kind though I would say. You can even grill your food and yes, you can take as much food as you want because it's buffet style. They have prawns, birds eggs, three types of mushrooms, pandan chicken, cocktail sausages, marinated fish, chicken, beef in various styles, and sorts. Definitely a place to check out for its variety of food for a cheap price. and you only pay one ringgit for your drink which you can refill as many times as you want to!

And talk about food. I paid a visit to "Mooshi Mooshi" yesterday. It's a Japanese fast food outlet. Think fast food, Mcd. Think Japanese food, Udon. They even have burgers in Japanese style! It’s a combo of western style and Japanese style put together. They have great bonsai salad though.

Sheesh. I shouldn’t be talking about food cuz I'm so bloated with the food that I had just now. Garh. :D

And I shall not talk about assignments. Just don't get me started.

Stupid, friend just called to ask if I'm going to the gig or not. Dammit. Dissectomy playing! Argh.

Btw, is anyone experiencing that whenever you go online. There will be a pop up thing that says "System Shutdown" and automatically closes after 60 seconds? DAMMIT. ITS SO DAMN ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheh. Fuck.

[soundbites]
Planet Funk – Chase The Sun

Friends. Part II.

Can someone feels tired and frustrated or simply put, demotivated after taking the initiative and the effort of trying after a period of time?

Well, I certainly feel that Im tired of doing all that.

Who actually gives a damn?

In fact, reality just struck me.

No, Im not looking for perfection. Im looking for a simple and plain friendship. Somehow if possible, let it venture into a more platonic friendship, I'd say why not?

But friendship, the old fashioned and conventional way.

Sigh.

Reality told me that no one gives a damn and that I'm hopeless in hoping and trying hard.

Should you not be demotivated in a situation like this?

Friends.

That's who you need when you're feeling down. Someone to be there for you. Someone who will try to cheer you up or the least is to listen to you. Someone who you trust to listen to you, someone who handle your feelings well, someone to share the burden with you, someone to lean on, someone to comfort you, someone to appreciate you and your entire being, and someone who you can count on.

But can they disappoint you just because they know that you trust them? Can they disappoint you just because they know you too well? Or perhaps they think they can disappoint you because they think that they have the power to do so? Can they disappoint you because you appreciate them too much and that they don't want you to be too attached?

Friends can be there for you simply by sitting next to you and listen to you without discrimination. Just with their existence, you feel comfort and safe.

How would you categorize that someone is your real friend? Do they have to fulfill certain criteria?

Friends have to share the same interests? Friends have to share the same passion and point of views? People who happen to be your classmates have to be your friends? People who used to come from the same kindergarten? People who you met at a club? People who only calls once a year to wish you Happy New Year? People who thinks that you're too young to have stress, sex and smoke? People who say hi and bye to you instantly in college or on the street? People who you met online? People who you met through blogging?

How do YOU define friends?

As for me, most of my close friends don't have the same interests with me. And I need not talk about having the same passion in certain things. They have cool parents and family and I sometimes feel left out in certain things that they do together. However, they also have the dough to carry them far in having fun, education, past time and luxury. Even though we come from different backgrounds and with a different interest and passion, do they really give a damn about me? Am I being the one who always take the initiative?

And another thing, how do you keep or prolong the friendship? Is there a secret formula or a traditional remedy?

Is there a word or two that you would like to share with me about Friends? Please share with me. :)

Have a great weekend.

[soundbites]
Black Eyed Peas – Where is the love

Lao sai, Part II. (?)

I woke up in the morning around 8am, then I took my shower and without fail, I was sitting on my toilet bowl sweating it again. *gross gross* :P

Then I was in class and the lecturer was being "miang". EURGH. He would be saying "Yes, Lik Chuen?" with a very horny grin expression on his face with a dash of crooked and yellowish/greyish teeth after he made his point. God save me. Even if he did make his point, he would have been taking up 15 minutes to do so. Whoever doesnt have the patience would have whack him up with a nine iron and asked him to make a point quickly. He talked to us about what interesting find on Custom St. and Ford St in NZ and that they legalized prostituition in NZ. Whoah, he knows man, he knows. :D

After class, I planned to study for my class test on this Tuesday but then got home, ate my chinese economic rice and some fruits then was online for a lil. I didnt pay up my ticket because I only have 31 ringgit left in my purse and if I pay my ticket which is going to cost me 30, then I will be left with 1 ringgit. Damn.

That's why I didnt want to go PISA. I'll feel deprived on the things that I cant afford to buy so why should I feel deprived? There's no need in that. Im broke. sigh.

Dammit. Both of my butt cheeks hurt.

Oh and I noticed ithis while I was in the laydees. I have three red dots around the area of my left jaw bone and one big one on my back. Now Im deprived to get some sleep. :D

Sleep. I shall have tonight.

[soundbites]
Kym Marsh - Cry

Lao sai.

I played squash today and straight after that my friends and I together went to eat Tom Yam again! *yay* Sure enough, that bowl of Tom Yam never failed to gimme extra sweat and mositure to my whole body. Boy it was delicious and extra hot and spicy! Then I drank a glass full of honey dew with milk down my stomach. Was telling my friends that either tonight or tomorrow morning I will have to answer call of nature.

Heh, and I did.

In fact, I just came out from the toilet from doing that. Diarrheoa. Okay I know thats a spelling mistake there but Im sure Siah will help me to correct it since he once had that word frenzy in his blog. :D

Grrr. I even have certain amount of pain on the butt when I wanted to sit down on this wooden chair of mine before typing this out.

Anyway, I got home, took a shower, sat in front of the tv while watching some drama series and drank one glass full of Sunkist fresh orange juice from the box. Then reheated the left over two slices of pizza with stuff-crust and chewed them up good. *yum*

Then I think I had another BIG glass full of water and tons of other stuff. Cant remember.

Owwww.

I think Im going to hit the toilet soon enough.

Dammit. The previous one was so hard to get out and I had to sit there to sweat it out.

Brrrrr....

oh yeah and tmr there will be a sale or smth in PISA. Branded clothes coming out from the factory straight without going thru middle man will be there with a cheap price and Im BROKE.

Ho hum.

Now my stomach feels the taste of sour, hot, spicy, milky, salty, sweet and everything at the same time.

Garhhhhh.

T.O.I.L.E.T.

Just another day.

Alamak. Two road blocks when I was on my way back home and I got a ticket from MPPP(Majlis Perbandaran Pulau Pinang). Dammit.

Sigh. And today's class was four hours straight. I skipped breakfast and lunch but what I managed to digest down my stomach was a few bites of dim sum.

On a lighter note, I managed to get my hands on cheap stuff. I bought Richard Ashcroft's Alone With Everybody, Smashing Pumpkins' Pisces Iscariot and Outkast' album. Three cassettes for ten. Yippie for driving pleasure since I don't have cd player in my old junk.

I spotted albums from Dream Theater(double cd pack), Apocalyptica, Everclear and Delirium(double cd pack too). Damn, if only I have the cash.

College now is a bit of a dead college since most and Id say almost all of the students are sitting for their exams and Im one of the weirdo rare bunch that just started college. The up part about it, is that there’s lots of parking spaces! Yay. And the down part of it, is I'll be having quizzes and assignments pending. Ho hum.

Biatch II was seen with her badly-done nose piercing and arrogant attitude in college. I was on my way down the stairs and I bumped into her. Hiaks. I mumbled "fcuking bitch" just so to make myself feel better. Then biatch was seen with her tail wagging along the corridor when I was on my way back to class. Oh did I say that biatch II is the wagging tail of biatch?

Hmmm.

Anyways I had honey dew bubble tea to make myself feel better and drove myself home with the longer route while listening to Outkast. Right, am going to whack some balls tomorrow.

My close friends are now in Genting and perhaps they will be in KL tomorrow to have a ball of a good time and I miss them. :(

Aih. Im going to bed early today with scented candles lighted up and count the amount of air that I'll be breathing.

[soundbites]
Everclear - Wonderful

Missing.

I dreamt of K calling me on my cell phone. Then.. *poof*

The question is, should I pick up the phone if it ever happens?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The indescribable feelings of missing someone speak but Im not capable of putting them into words. *sigh*

That person wont be reading this.

But anyway..

I miss you.

I could use a lil company now. But it's better for me to go to bed early to take revenge of sleep. Garh.

A million miles away
But we're still the same
There's nothing left to say
And everyone to blame
A million secrets kept
Yet we're still alive
Our sorrows drown we wept
But we're still alive

[soundbites]
Frou Frou - Shh

*kicks*

Crap.

IM STILL FRIGGING ALIVE!!

*inhale*

...

oh, yes... almost forgot..

*exhale*

phew~

Yes, yes, am still alive.

I wanted to blog..

but then, it was pretty shitty.

Am broke, doing cheap thrills for the past two weeks just to stay away from going online. Remember that I have to pay for the phone bills and college started already. Argh. Anyway the pressure is building up in me as Im deciding on where I should do my degree after I finish my Advance Diploma and also being the last batch student. Oh hell.

College is boring at times. and my life has been a lil tiring. I couldnt get to bed at night thinking too much and missing the people that I cared for as well as those that I care for now.

But Im fine. I started picking up squash, played chor tai dee on my pc for three damn hours straight, paid my bills, washed my rusty old car, organized and cleared my books and cds, smoke less and did my homework :D

Aww aint I a good girl?

eh c'mon lah, pat on the back!!! :P

What I didnt do.. hmm, lets see, I havent been checking and clearing up my mailbox, go online in msn and icq, go canoeing, shop for a new pair of sneakers and slipper, go clubbing, get drunk, get high and get laid. Heh just kidding abt the last part anyway. :P

Well, it seems like nobody misses me when Im gone :P

But I'd like to thank those for dropping by and leaving kind comments on the previous post. And sorry for those usual blogs that I frequent, sorry for not dropping by for the past two weeks. I promise I will try to catch up with you guys soon. :) And also to those people in my icq list who happens to read my blog. Sometimes I may not be replying or a lil late cuz Im a bz woman! Sorry for that too. :)

Hmm if I die today, I sure will have lots of regrets. Dammit.

Anyways, I say good night for now. :)

*HUGS* for all...

Aahhhhhhhh, am feeling a lil generous tonight. Have a great weekend! ^_^

[soundbites]
Thalia feat. Fat Joe - I Want You

(Ps - that song always makes me smile! *shrug* and I dunno why! :D)