Asylum.

lately many encounters left me feeling uneasy and annoyed. some of which actually left me feeling like a big blooming flop. some may be because of my moodswings. its my fault i guess. but some are purely their likings and i just cant keep up with all of you. there's so many acquaintances who want me to do this and do that but i'm just sorry. i apologize. i just dont have the time for that. if you are sincere and would like me to be a better person, let me be. just let me be alone for a while. my style of handling pressure, stress and depression might be different from others. even if i am depressed inside, i dont necessary have to show it. its just not cool flinging my moody and morbid aura around. definitely not cool telling all my friends that i drained my eyeballs out and i also wept when i woke up in the morning. it's even worse if i'm so bloody depressed that i started crying in the middle of class right? i would sometimes like to keep it to myself. sometimes.. well like now, my stress level is just too high, too intense. i need some time on my own to handle and slowly solve this work related stress. if like those personal stress and pressure i would just find someone suitable to talk to about. but if i did not choose you, its just too bad. the more you push me, the more i would withdraw myself from you. the more i would want to be on my own. when it comes to studies, all i need now is guidance and time for me to properly sit down and do my work. i dont need unnecessary distraction thank you. and these people, well they are actually more depressing than i am actually. they are scared. but, they choose to avoid it and delay it. and guess the worst part. they want to drag you down as well. at least in that case they would feel they're not alone for not doing their work. they would have someone to accompany them to the grave. they liked the idea of it. these people, they would even leave it to the last minute and then ask you or rather bug you for answers and just wont give you peace of mind even you've finish your work. thats just how they are. pathetic. there are also people who would flash their good grades around just to make you feel small and make you feel sick in the stomach. there are another type of people where they are so selfish that you so wish that they are selprawn. i mean at least prawns would have enough hands to do its work and not just simply just swim around and laze the days away like fish. okay. i got drifted away, i didnt make sense. bah. well, those selfish people wouldnt contribute to group work and would leave it up to the other partner and when the result came out, it was a failure. both felt bad. worst part is, selfish people would discreetly chuck away the whole idea of redo-ing some parts of the group assignment and left it to the poor partner to do. but at the end of the say, said sorry for not contributing and is there anything they can do while clearly that the redo parts were already submitted and they would be away for holidays which is a fucking good reason for not contributing.

anyway to make matters short, i just cant be nice to everyone anymore. i have my priorities now. i'm just tired of pleasing everyone. i know friends are as important as studies but currently i dont have enough time on my side anymore. its rather difficult to always juggle your time between studies and social life, no? i need to make ends meet and i just cant take nonsense anymore. if friends are caring enough to be sincere friends, please let me be. pls consider my situation and take it into account that i need their blessings to be a successful person. if i can make ends meet and have the time in my hands, i would definitely make the effort to just join in the fun. who wouldnt wanna have fun right? at the end of the day, if i survive, i will be able to hang out and have fun like good old days. i'm sure that day will come. for i believe that friends are those who dont give up on you and give you the support and encouragement when you need it the most. yeah, support and encouragement is all i need right now. the rest i will have to handle it on my own.

i'm in this race on my own now.

you know.. some things you are just not meant to read. :)

Sejenak Gig 2005.

SEJENAK GIG 2005.

Khas bagi peminat-peminat LMB dan SCT, klik flyer untuk informasi yang seterusnya. Love Me Butch bersamaan dengan Seven Collar T-Shirt akan membuat sebanyak lima hentian di lima negeri di semenanjung Malaysia. Setiap hentian akan menampilkan persembahan undangan dari kumpulan indie/underground dari negeri masing-masing.

Anda juga boleh melayari website kedua-dua kumpulan ini dan jom sama-sama memberi sokongan kepada industri muzik tanah air kita!

ok, my BM sucks. Again, support local music scene yo!

my nicely done french manicure before i abused them. hur hur..

Fuck The World Day.

Two hours of extensive exercise left my whole body aching quite badly today. Not to mention tired as well. Keeping my body movement to very minimal.

Just when I woke up and got ready just in time for my morning class, I’ve decided to skip it. I feel lazy and mundane as ever. There’s also the feeling of things are not going to be all that great today. Even I was fussing over what to wear, which I normally don’t do. I guess this is one of those days that you feel fugly and extremely screwed up inside. Well, might be those hormones running and keep banging into each other and from one corner to the other, constantly itching to pick up a stick.

Small part of me says that I am angry at the world. Don’t ask me. I just feel it. I am quite easily annoyed and I abused all threefour of my finger nails. I’m also on the verge of abusing all of them. A fellow classmate asked me the format of referencing for journals in proposal and very unruly of me to refuse but I did. I told him off in-your-face-ly. Then, I skipped the second class and stayed in my room. Sigh.

Handed in one assignment yesterday and I’d say I am quite relieved but then the brain never stops working, no? Now I’m worrying over my other approaching due dates.

I think I’m going mental. But for what? Sigh.

I guess I just need to rake up some cash to go for a shopping therapy. or I just want to go for a haircut and lay by the sandy beach overlooking the sunset. Not worrying about studies, image, money and everything else. One can only wish.

In the mean time while I waste away my precious time, *shows middle finger in air* fuck the world!

[soundbites]
Keane – Bedshaped

Argue me.

This struck me when i was taking my shower just now.

while the birds are chirping in the morning, my beauty sleep was rudely interrupted when someone was knocking impatiently and shouting. at first i tried to ignore it but then my patience wore off as i slept at probably almost 4 hours ago and didnt have enough sleep. feeling irritated, i got off the bed, opened up the door only to find this chinese twins staying in the same apartment unit were making those unruly sound pollution. kaninamachowhai. other bad habits like not washing up the dishes/pots for almost a month, leaving the tap running, leaving the used dental floss on the basin and sometimes not flushing after using the toilet... etc. those i can tolerate (well, at times i do admit that it annoys the hell outta me) but when it comes to proper beauty sleep, i want to kill them. i wanna roar at them skinny bamboo sticks and let the wind carry them back to shanghai.

anyway i went back to sleep while one of them still trying to wake up the other half in the room in order to open up the door. why didnt she just bring her key? and as for the other half inside, she was knocking so loudly, takkan you cannot hear mah! [note: i keep using the other half is because i dunno how the heck to identify who is who. twins mah!] even i can hear it on the other end of the apartment. finally when the corridor became quiet, they started making noise again. this time one of them were throwing angry words at each other. yiddy yiddy yaya gibby gibby jaja.. ok, i made that up. it was actually worse than that pseudo nursery rhyme.

im wondering, how would you deal the conflict with your other half. or how you would settle the arguement. imagine this is someone that is close to you. probably your other half or your family. give the cold treatment? argue until you win? ignore? be diplomatic or just give in?

well then, do drop some comments in. i am late for class liao. toodles!

Sunset.

You know those online quizes that ask you whether you like the sunrise or sunset more in order to determine your personality and all? Yeah, I just realized that I like sunset more than sunrise. I absolutely adore the melancholy feeling in the evening and I feel more alive and chirpy around evening. Dont you just feel serene with this kind of settings around you?



Actually, I just managed to solve some problems that has been bothering me. Not all. Still got a long way to go. But hey, I'm glad for the ease of burden. I'm more composed and calmer. Now I just need to jia you to finish up all my shit and then I'll be fine. I promise that I will keep my feet on the ground and stay focus.

Off I go now! Sunset rocks! ;)



[soundbites]
Incubus - I Miss You

DOOMED.

i am bloody depressed and stressed to the max. now i am suppose to be getting my arse to pg and i am not. i dont want to dwell ont he details. tight schedule is one thing but financial problem is also another thing. i should be hitching a ride from someone but seems like there is no answer until now. i feel oppressed. anyway my ride just left without saying a word to me. har har har.

theres a MAJOR assignment that i need to hand in this wednesday. a group assignment. the lecturer have a VERY high expectation and we've only did a page of it. dammit. the thing is we tried doing it and i am the one putting the words and typing them out. she basically just point out what we should include and not. but goddammit its an application case study leh. macibai. help me out abit la. even this morning when we went to consult the lecturer she pretended like she knows everything the lecturer said but WTF do you REALLY understanbd or not? then why didnt she say it out so that we can get things done? i mena you pretended that you know so that he will have a good impression on you is it? whats th epoint la? i know the lecturer might be the BIg head ad that you dont have to e stuck up to him right? if really dont know just say dont know la why muts kow tow? some more you know waht she said?! she told the lecturer NOT to extend the duedate, iwas like WTFFFFFF??!?!?! BAH. machowhai.

then, theres my personal dissertation proposal that i need to do which is prolly due this monday. i am still bloody blur about it. and guess what! the supervisor that i got is the blurrest of them all. yay. hurrah. i can chuck my marks away without her help la. my heart instantly sunk and dunk into a big glass of milk and she ate it away like oreo cookies. there is no choice for me. she doesnt even know that she is my supervisor and also no blardy idea about what i am doing for my dissertation. i want to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. wail.

then on the day that i have to hand in my group assignment i need to do a bloody presentation in class with abnother fella who is bloody blur as well. lazy as fuck. basically dont do any shits one. not to mention that i have no idea what the lecturer wants and there is no notes or whatsoever to help me or guide me. all from the stratch. oh the headache!!

can you sense the disappointment that i have on these people? can you feel the angst in my words? nahh dont think you can hear me. beyond words i must say. i just bought a pack of dunhill lights yesterday, gonna lite them up like there is no tmr. yayhoohooo. clearly its an expressway for me to hell. thenk you.

[soundbites]
the reindeer section - if everything fell quiet

Beautiful Junk Review.

Well well, as some of you has been asking me how was Beautiful Junk, much like what I've said earllier, it was going to be a blast and I'd say that again that I had a blast. teehee. :) That was a very long sentence eh? *catches breathe* Im sure those that went to the gig would say the same thing. The bands were great and the crowd was being supportive of the bands that went on stage.

One thing I like about going to gigs is that you get to see the bands perform live and their performance will be different from the previous ones. You get to see them in person, in action. Totally different from what you hear from the professionally engineered CD. And if you secretly wish that you'd want to be the undying groupie someday, it was a big fat chance and the perfect time for you to be the outstanding one and get up to the celebrity and camwhore away. Keepin' it real yo. Much like what I did when I saw Pete Teo. Boohoohoo. Quick gimme the groupie label.

Anyway, you get to be in an open system that consists of people and physical attiributes that make up the perfect atmosphere and environment for a great experience. Having to say that, kudos to those who worked hard behind the scenes to get things done, I'm sure it was a relief to know that it was a success. As well as those that delievered great music to the audience, and of course not forgetting those that attended the event which completed the whole fabulous experience at the end of the day.

I'll be looking forward to Beautiful Junk 3 next year! Hopefully I get to be involved in this when I finish my education and will be back in Pg then.

Oh, here's another writeup about the event, from one of the organizer's perspestive of course. [here] and the pictures can be found [here].

** updated : another review here. **

Lastly, I will only post up some picstures when I am free in a week's time I think. I'm very busy at the moment flicking ashes into my make shift ashtray and lighting up another stick and rushing to the toilet flushing down my intestines lacquered in enos and durian kuih. In another words, I will be busy doing shit load of assignments, nursing mild headache and catching up on my studies. Cheebye lah, see you in a week bozos.

Till next time, watch out for this space for picstures! Cheerios!

Disagree @ Hard Rock Cafe.

I managed to dig out this picture from Disagree. Credits out to Regina who took this picture I think.

For those Disagree fans, I just got this piece of information in my inbox yesterday.

Disagree's performance tickets at Hard Rock Cafe on August 6th 2005 is available now!! Tickets are priced at RM25 each +1 free drink and great news! ALL pre-sale tickets purchased will get a free disagree car sticker each! On top of that, purchase 2 tickets for this event & get a disagree tshirt FREE! Hurry while stocks last!!

For more info, kindly contact Justin @ 016-618 0055 or 03-7728 7166. See you there!! :)