Positivity. [Day 5]

Life isn’t always easy. Keep on going, move ahead positively and persevere to the very best of your ability. Do what you can, with whatever you have, wherever you are. Face the situation. Never doubt the power you have within you. You will gain the courage and strength needed to conquer new challenges ahead.

[Update]
It was probably due to too much stress or pressure but I am currently feeling nauseous and the right side of my head feels funny, like my veins are being tied together and pain throbbing occasionally. I sure hope its nothing more than this.

Positivity. [Day 4]

It may be easier to give up than it is to keep on going. It may be easier make excuses or blame others for anything that is not going as planned. Easy way may not always be the best way. Choose the right path that gives you opportunities to grow and change. Look out for adventures that challenge your life. Search for truth and discover secrets of life. It’s up to you to create your own life!

Positivity. [Day 3]

Big things are accomplished one step at a time.

Keep believing in yourself.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it,
Boldness has genius, power and magic to it.
~ Goethe

Positivity. [Day 2]

Hard work pays off in the future,
Laziness pays off now.

Nothing is impossible without trying,
Go for it!
~ NLC

There is always room at the top.
~ Daniel Webster

Positivity. [Day 1]

Faith is a friend, you make it or break it.
~ SCTS

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Never depend on anyone except yourself.
~ La Fontaine

Pussyfoot.

You know one thing, I hate the world. Currently, aatw disorder. I don’t think there’s any hope for the human race. And it’s not like you care and I’ve given up asking for advice or for any kind of help already. I’ve given up on hope. Hoping that things would get better, someone that I could lean on and that there is a nice place that I could linger is pointless.

But I don’t blame anyone. For fuck’s sake, I don’t care anymore.

I’ve been encouraging and supporting myself all these while, perhaps I was hoping to take a breakie or a short cut, just for a breather, but it seems like there is no easy peasy for me afterall.

I’ve always been in this fight on my own. Climbing and making my own ways. Picking myself up after every let down and obstacles. It has always been like that.

But heck, I was struggling to keep up with my own expectations. It started with a simple hope that perhaps I could take a breather, but it always turns its back on me.

Fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m only gonna be stronger by the end of the day and if you are not going to help me, fuck you; if you don’t want to be part of my growing process, fine, fuck you too.

Just wait. Just wait for my big banging arrival. Don’t blame me if I don’t look back.

For now, what I can do now is to stop, pause, release my anger, encourage myself, carry on, feel better of myself, take charge and speed off again.

I’m not sure if I trust anything anymore.

So to the air that I’m breathing, help me to be strong.
To the wellness of my being, help me to be brave to complete this rat race.
To my inner beauty, with strength, courage, positivism and the strong will to find a place of my own where I belong.

May I succeed!

Ps. I’m gonna be writing positive quotes and positive writings from now onwards till I finish my test from God.

Guy Named Des.

After reading his post, it tingled some nostalgic memories about this guy named Des that I used to know during high school.

Although I was still in high school with my ugly pinafore and he was working as a charming sales person, we both got along well when we first met despite the age gap. LOL, believe it or not, I used to have a thing for peeps in working attire. Hot stuff. ;)

It was not what you were thinking lah. We were just friends and occasionally cracked some dirty jokes and would throw in some lurving here and there. So we’re cool.

Then things got weird and quite fucked up. He started saying things like an angry man and with the I-know-better-than-you and my-problems-are-more-serious-than-yours and you-are-a-useless-midget and so, stop-whining-already attitude. The point is, he keeps giving me that kind of attitude and I can assure you that it’s not just monthly male PMS. He’s just vile.

Truth is, I hate it when someone talks to me like that. Damn kurang ajar. He thinks that he knows more, or better than me and that his problems are much more bigger in size than mine. The fuck..?! I can understand that you are also stressed out at work, just like I am stressed out at school but heck treat your friend like a bloody human also, can? You think you’re the only human with problems ah? Kaneneh.

He *always* look down on me and it’s okay if he didn’t give me words of encouragement but he totally gangbanged me with his itsy bitsy dick head and super egoistic balls while raising his voice at me. Fucking potong stims.

He was screwing my mind la that dunggu. Doesn’t mean that he had a bad life and that he needed to cast his evil spells on me to make me miserable also right? So I beh syok. I asked him to fuck off. And now he is nowhere to be seen. Probably fled off to live in an igloo in south pole and stay single for the rest of his lives with his balls of ego as his only mate.

But gosh, one mindfucker gone and then another one comes in.

screw!!

[soundbites]
The Postal Service - Sleeping In

Female Mindfucker.

Talking about mindfuckers. Here’s another one to share with y’all.

A girl, a classmate, a friend and lately a foe.

Well perhaps I shouldn’t blame her because I am her classmate taking the same major and having almost the same bunch of friends. Except that she has been here long enough to have slightly different bunch of friends compared to me. She’s been here for more than 2 years I think so her friends are from older batches. So it may be true that if I’ve turned into an enemy or a competitor.

Anyway, she’s good with her social skills and people skills or communication skills. Those human communication related skills lah. Henceforth, my friend here would utilize those skills and get whatever that she wants in the expense of her friends. You got a car? She would praise you and then use you. You have good grades? She would praise you and then use you. Got versace? Good, she would approach you. As long as you have the usable value. Selfish lor in a way I think.

Whether it is to pretend to be good or the other way around, she can do it with little effort or perhaps without moving a muscle, no problem. Some more she’s a girl, so using her little girly flirty fairy dust she would woo those poor guys and cast a spell on them so that they would follow and do it her way. Pronto. How cool. I want to be like that also if I can get away with it lor.

And now she wants to change the one and only final paper that we have to 9th Dec and that means six days EARLIER from the original date. That means that you can study six more fucking days to prepare yourself for the paper lah soink. Of course bearing in mind that we still have our thesis to hand up before we could actually focus properly on our final paper. I mean come on, we have been studying here for like what, over a year already and just fucking get used to this environment for a few more days can die ah? It’s not like she needs to postpone it so that she would be able to catch her flight to go back to China on that day. Fuck, her flight is gonna be end of Dec lah, for god’s sake. I think this is for selfish or rather personal reasons lah.

Then what for she wants to go through all the trouble to change the date and to write a letter and get everybody to sign? I could ask her to go fuck off ok. Stop screwing my head lady. People are already messed up with their thesis and then you come around fucking everything up and making squeaky lanky noises. I know you got assistance for your thesis and (mind you, shit load of other assignments and shits too) that you can sit back relax, enjoy a cuppa and a series of drama. But heck, I am not as lucky as you so you can stop screwing people’s lives even though they may not be as witty miss smart ass with sugar if not poison coated mouth ok. People actually need to get used to their simple, sincere and albeit unlucky life ok. So lay off.

Gees, these mindfuckers, why won’t they stop one? :(

5ives.

I got tagged by Silly Wabbit. I think both Lynnzter and me likes to tag each other. hehe, these memes are good when your blog is having a dry spell. Although the simplest question would stirs your mind in the weirdest manner ;)

Here goes...

Ten years ago I was ...
Eleven — I was in primary school. Slightly bigger than average primary school girl. Perhaps not much different for now also. heehee ^_^ Beginning to listen to songs and loving them more in the process. An athlete representing my house and for my school. Took part in MSSPP and won couple of medals. In the school band. Having crushes on seniors. >__<

Five years ago I was ...
Sixteen — Shone throughout my schooling life, or rather extra curricular activities. Class monitor who hated additional maths and didn’t pass up homework. Commander for the uniform unit squad. Organized various activities, meetings and outings. Joined the state camp and being one of the rare few Chinese there and got roasted and fell sick. More reason why I didnt pass up my work. :P

A year ago I was ...
Twenty — Had a blast to begin the year with. Bumming the first half of the year and attending every single gigs in town. Awesome. Then moved to this jungle, had to dealt with difficult housemates and study for my honours degree. Which is killing me softly if I may add. Attended the best and most crowded Rock The World series with Ningkoopau. Got hitched. Spent last 2months of the year bumming again! Great year. ;)

Yesterday I was ...
Worried about my thesis. Nicotine breath. Frustrated.

5 snacks I enjoy ...
1. Pringles. 2. Chocolates. 3. Ice Cream. 4. French fries. 5. Nachos.

5 Songs I know All the Words to ...
1. Negaraku (it’s quite obvious as I’ve been taught since the age of 5) 2. School anthem (for 13years I’ve been singing this leh) 3. Lagu negeri Pulau Pinang. 4. Belaian Jiwa by Innuendo. 5. Dunno liao.

5 things I would do with a 100 Million splurges ...
1. Build my ideal home complete with breathtaking view, a nice garden and some pets. 2. Buy a laptop, digicam, new cellphone, iPod, stereo system and shit load of CDs, DVDs and those in my wanted list. :D 3. Go shopping and pamper myself with a head to toe makeover. 4. Share with mummy so that she could retire. 5. Buy a car, if not a few! :P

5 Bad Habits ...
1. Smoking. 2. Non stop craving and eating of junk food. 3. Biting nails. 4. Procrastination. 5. Empty thinking.

5 Biggest Joys ...
1. Family. 2. My friends. 3. Gentle giant. 4. Lil collection of medals and certificates. 5. (Soon to be) honours degree (after I’ve completed it, that is)

5 Favourite Toys ...
1. Computer. 2. Bubbles. 3. Uh, mobile phone. 4. My dog(s). 5. iPod shuffle.

5 Things I Would Never Wear ...
1. Fishnets. 2. Biketards/Leotards. 3. Fur. 4. Knee socks. 5. Romper! (Basically anything that makes me look horrible and screams of fashion victim, lol)

5 Favourite TV Shows ...
1. CSI. 2. The Apprentice. 3. Don’t know liao. I haven’t been really watching any TV shows lately. But then again, I could glue to the TV for hours.

5 Fictional Characters I Would Date ...
1. Matt (13 Going On 30) 2. Benjamin Barry (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days) 3. These will do at the moment. Can’t think of others now.

5 People I Tag ...
1. Justine
2. Sze Ning
3. Cindy
4. Becky
5. Ping

...and these are the peeps that I like to link as well. :P hope you peeps dont mind yah?

*** just noticed, all of the people that I'm linking are girls! ***

A Smile.

After seeing my supervisor and a lecturer in their office, I was quite taken aback by the fact that an ass was referring to the same source that I have in doing my Chapter one. Basically he got an A for it and I can’t simply use it now can I? Since he was one batch earlier than me. I was feeling quite low. And not to say that I am not in a good progress now. I fear for the worst.

But that’s not really the point.

I went to the library to return a book nonchalantly, still thinking about what I would do now. Stoning quite badly since class a few hours ago. As I was entering library I saw a guy, you know just one of those people that you see and notice as you were walking. He has got quite a face with nice features and wears a unique shape spectacle.

Then I was taking the same lift with him. He was standing behind me.

I came walking out of the resource centre feeling quite demotivated and still stoning and feeling lost. So I was walking towards my block until it struck me that I need to withdraw money at the atm machine.

So I turned my direction and walked towards the atm machine and the same guy that I noticed just now walked in first to withdraw. I thought how coincidental and patiently waited for my turn. I noticed that he’s wearing a nice striking yellow colour converse.

That guy finished withdrawing money and turned around and pushed the door open before I could enter. Surprisingly, and this is what the whole post is about, that he smiled at me. I’m not saying just a simple smile, but like huge smile, more like a grin on his face. Charmingly sunshine like kind of smile.

I like. It tickles me.

Haha, it’s a nice feeling. And no, I’m not gonna be like some teeny bopper jumping and screaming like I’m shaking hands with Nick Carter.

It’s just a very soothing therapy I guess. It’s nice and comforting to know that people would smile at you. So I thought, hey, life is not that bad afterall despite the setbacks and all.

A smile would make a difference I’d say. So have you smiled to anybody, strangers or the ones that you cared for today?

[soundbites]
Jason Mraz - Bella Luna

Soundmaker Gig 9.

Penangites listen out! Here's a gig and you have to go. Because i say so. Hohoho.

The Alternatives
Date : 19th November 2005 (Saturday)
Time : 8pm
Venue : Church Street Cafe
Price : rm12 (rm2 off if you purchase Tiger 'Snow' Beer)
Bands : Damn Dirty Apes, Whitelight, Dian Bang, Color My Iris, Hui Se Di Dai

head on over here if you dont know where the location is. and click on the bands for their official website or a lil bio page to check out the bands.

peace out, im outta here!

Dear God.

please help me. help me to be strong in times of hardship.

i am not in peace with myself. with the world. with everything around me.

now.

i hurt myself so much and let myself in that pit of the well to make a wish that a miracle would happen to me.

please help me to carry on.

i feel cold and my spirit can never be found.

tears and the thought of giving up fills my head. ending everything that i have now.

but i know deep down inside i dont want to.

a guardian angel please help me. for i know no one would help me now.

as much as i would try to help myself, i need enlightenment.

a light that guides me through the tunnel.

i dont see one and i dont wish that it is a train at the end of the tunnel.

please, help me.

Update.

so, we almost got into a fight with a pseudo teenage A list girl who keeps exclaiming cibai hu ha kawa bang ga after every try at the bowling alley. it hurts the eyes and the ears.

my hand hurts as well. the muscles. and those on my thighs/butt area.

i have a big ass pimple on my waist.

i've finally told off one of the twins to be quiet.

during the past 5days, my headache was the same.

gained 5kgs.

the trip was okay although the sunset view from the bus was amazing albeit breath taking. of course with the help of some chillout music playing on my ipod. wishing i had a camera with me though.

steamboat was nice, i like the place but the company was initially pathetic then it got better. i used the lack of nicotine fix as my excuse for my sour face over steamboat though.

imagine me being a songstress but if you cant, you could imagine a karaoke session cost each of us around rm33. thats costly man! not to mention easy muhney huhney. damn.

the ridiculous and break-jerking driving skills was a headache. i could criticize and die. lol. i miss driving though.

but am glad to be back in this rathole. and a friend just came back from china.

aircon! internet! music! bed! and the freedom to be naked!
buahahahahah my comfort zone, definitely.

wanting to watch corpse bride and chicken little. but watched zorro2 instead.

chak! i've found you.
the adio eugene black/pink limited edition shoe. but it was sold out! *stomp stomp*
also the adidas jersey like jacket but it was too big. it was going for rm150/180 each! cheap eh?

and now i have a craving for sake and tako tao! eek!

man, its sunday already. i gotta start doing my work. back to school on monday.

will update about a gig later though. penangites watch out!

[soundbites]
Spiritualized - Run