I was up awfully early this morning. I tried to go back to sleep thinking that the day might be busy so since now I have time on my side what's wrong of going back to get some good rest eh? I thought so myself. As I was thinking that how nice if he is with me now, both snuggled up and in love. AaAAaaaahhh... *drools*

*POOF!*

Then, my bro came into my room without knocking.. looking for his stuff. Oh, si biskut itu. Sial.

Looking at the previous post, I couldn't help myself but to think that I'm a sap.

Tonight's the reunion dinner thing. Mom invited her friends to come over and I invited my friends as well. Hmm. wonder who might turn up.

I have a slight problem now. I'm not sure if I should wear gold or silver. Let's say if I wear gold, the jewellry on my face is silver and surgical steel, so it doesn't match. If I wear silver all over, it's like there's nth special, it's like you can see me wearing those same shits everyday.

I don't actually like the whole idae of being overly worked up for this occasion but I guess it's the BIG thing for chinese. I AM a chinese so heck. That explains a lot.

How come you don't find me saying that 'my sis rocks!' or 'my bro rocks!' eh?
The problem with my sis is that she never stop criticizing and she nags damn hell a lot. Not to mention that she is like those aunties that you can find in the market.
My brother was never there for me. I dislike him being so careless about me and the family. Everything for the gf is put before his own family.
The problem with me is that I am a bit better than them in English and I mix around with people of different races. I am being the youngest and the most stubborn. (hey, I'm a taurean! :P)

and I am an outcast already, having to say that.

I think errands are calling at me again.

[soundbites]
K&D - High Noon

I got this forwarded email today and I found it meaningful. :)

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.


2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.


3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.


5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.


6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.


7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.


8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.


9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.


10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.


11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.


12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.


13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.


REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

I could really relate to sayings no. 2,4,8,10,11. Cheers people.
oh and by the way...
~+ Happy Chinese New Year +~

Face off

I have been extremely busy with errands around the house and my old house. It’s a drag. I was labeled as being a good girl for these few days and I couldn’t care much about that and come to think about it, I could use some extra ang pow money though! Heheh, of course that is provided my mom will be extra generous seeing that I’m being ever so helpful around the house. ;)

Since my old house is situated somewhere near the sunshine square, meaning that it’s near Kel’s house and I remembered that he still has my Kid Rock. It turned out to be a surprise that I still remember his house phone number. LOL. I figured that if I call him on his cell phone, he might just show it to that biatch as prove.

It is also a surprise that my mom asked me for the real inside story. I’m somewhat glad that she asked. So bit by bit and pieces by pieces, I told her what really happened and the whole story. I couldn’t believe that she agreed with me and she supported me! Huwah! Strike lottery man. :P

After going up and down a third storey building for more than hmmm, say, an uncountable figure, I was dead tired. I called him again and popped by his house to get it afterwards.

Eek. He looks haggard and pale. We had some casual talk, nothing much. Basically I was doing the little talking to avoid the possible silence. Got my Kid Rock, alrighty then, time to go, I told myself. Then, I left. He even asked me to miss call him when I’m feeling better. Being oh-so-nice again.

Besides that, he asked me when he could call me. Hah. I told him, I’m still sick, couldn’t really talk and he told me I sound fine. Hah. I couldn’t be bothered. In addition, he asked me not to die. Wtf?! He put a curse on me? Fricktards! Oh heh, he was checking out my piercings see whether I have gotten some new ones, I purposely put away my Oakley Juliet that was pulling back my hair which, shows off my piercings and talked something else. I left the piercing that I got with him to close up. He did that and why can’t I?

By the way Miranda & Larry, thank you so much for dropping by! So sorry I was rushing off somewhere or else we could do some catching up. Maybe some other time then eh? Thanks for the card again. Love ya too! :)

Kel miss called me at 9pm. HahahAHAH!!

and I still find this outrageously cute!

[soundbites]
Jazzanova – Karma – High Priestess(Jazzanova Mix)

Wish I'd died instead of lived

A zombie hides my face

She'll be forgotten

with her memories

Diaries left

with cryptic entries


And you don't need to bother;

I don't need to be

I'll keep slipping further..

May Day!

Precisely 11.01pm, he miss called me. And again at 11.40pm he miss called me. Eventually when it’s 11.45pm he called me.

The next thing was he called on my house phone not sounding too good. Like maybe he’s sick or maybe he was crying. I don’t know. He told me that shit happens and I replied ‘Yeah, shit happens...’

He asked me if he was disturbing, I said yeah sort of but it’s alright cuz I was watching tv. I told him I got tonsils infections and that I couldn’t really talk and he was being oh-so-nice by saying that if I am okay already and just give him a miss call. Hah yeah right, as if I’m going to do that.

Before I forget, he asked me why I didn’t miss call him. I snorted, “Why should I?” to him.

Oh lordy lord. Am I falling?

On the contrary, despite that I am sick and all, I have spent yet another day with productivity. Heheh. Cleaned out most part of the house, loads of junks.

Can I complain how difficult for me to swallow and talk? Not to mention that it hurts to sneeze as well. Sigh!

Hurrah, archives are back! :)

LO lookalike!

I accompanied my mom and cousin to Island Plaza yesterday and as I was browsing through the many varieties of clothes, I came across someone who literally took my breath away. I stopped and looked at him twice, double checking my own vision. He looks SOOO much like Lo, just that he’s a bit thin compared to Lo. But my god, I was shocked at how he looks so much like Lo. His hairstyle, his eyes and complexion. I was totally speechless and excited! Nahh, I didn’t go up to him because he was holding hands with one girl. Aww!

Here's a pic of Lo and one of the guys of PopShuvit, his name is Moots!. Hmmm.



By the way, I ate the chicken pie in Dome and I totally fell in love with it! I'm now drooling to go over to Dome and dine again! Hmm, someone mind to take me? I'll lap dance or smth! :P

Now, coming back to reality, I am still sick and upon going to bed at 12 midnight, only to realize that I was feeling too cold and shivering. So I got up and took the set of comforter that I bought just now to make me feel warm. Gosh, I was only using a fan, not air-con. Got up several times and now I’m totally up and about.

I think I dreamt about Valent performing on stage and he was singing.. off tune actually! LOL. Then of someone came up to me and then we went out for a date. I couldn’t really remember.

When I was online yesterday, Shant told me Kel were in my college for the past two Wednesdays with who else? That frigid bitch. They were holding hands. So I replied “oh great. So they are still together then. Hmm I wonder why he isn’t holding her breasts while walking. I’m sure that'll make him feel good and get a boner for that matter!” Okay fine, consider that they are in public. Well he doesn’t really give a damn about what other ppl think and feel when he did some damages to me.

I have to admit, I have been thinking about him but I’m not taking any actions with it. I don’t know why I’m being so soft hearted to actually miss the good times with him. He has already made himself clear enough or rather proved himself enough to let me know that he is a player.

As I was thinking about it, I have raised one issue for myself. How am I going to face them once I got back to college? I mean like, pretend that I don’t know them at all? Pretend that I am okay with it? What the heck am I suppose to do lah. Headache man! I should be coming up with something since the time is near for me to go back to college.

And so it is true that this month the phone bill is more than rm200 and I got screwed. yay!

On a brighter note, I feel good and nice and appreciated when someone opens up for me, you know. Someone sort of open up a little bit for me and I am glad about it.

Oh and I have been thinking of getting a pet of my very own. Just something out of the blue, maybe an iguana. Hehe.

My archives are gone. *sob*

[soundbites]
Faithless – One Step Too Far
Craig – Hidden Agenda

Archives??

Again, my feet were covered with filth and dirt. Oh, no worries, I just got my shower so heheh.. I smell fresh and soapy. lol.
I think I am bound to get the same disease again. I'm feeling warm and my throat doesn't feel smooth and normal. I better get some early sleep or else I might just get it. And I realized that I was sick just last week!

There are too many things that happened today, I forgot the sequence od the events. All I know is that my stomach is getting BIG. Sigh! The Norah Jones cd that I bought was a little cranky. It's like sounds came out from wreck speakers.. just like the ones when they have the chinese opera thingy or rather like the 'ko tai' (hokkien). Eeeeeww!! But I really love the songs from her. It's night music for me and when I'm all alone finding solitude.

I have been busy today and (yay!) I have been productive. :)
oh by the way, what's so wrong if you have your lips and nose pierced and you are wearing a polo T with your collar up?
oh and I love you Jon! Thanks for the regular pure chocolate ice blended with whipped cream while I redeemed a small size pure chocolate ice blended without whipped cream. And no worries! I won't order the food there! :P *hugz!!*

and that basket, Kel miss called me twice as for today. Crikey.

Right, now back to my house and get some stuff done. No, wait. I think I am already in my house. o_O *blur*

HAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! This is what I got in icq.
Kel (1:51 PM) :
im missin u lots....
at least miss call me huh...gurl..

hah! I can't help but to keep on feeling funny. BASTARRRRDD!!!!
*shows middle finger*

and WHERE THE FCUK IS ALL OF MY G-O-D-D-A-M-N ARICHIVES?!!!!


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


[soundbites]
Kosheen - Resist, Suicide & Gone

Fierce

Sitting in a kancil driven by a person who hasn’t touch manual cars in ages is scary I tell you. Nevertheless, around the roads of batu feringghi! With heat and sweat all together, I bought myself a few cds. I spotted Delerium and Faithless! Very rare indeed. However, Bruce Springsteen, Norah Jones, Jimmy Eat World and Disturbed are the cds that I bought. There are others that I want to buy, like Iron Maiden, Slayer, Slaves on Dope, Café Del Mar, LOTR soundtrack, just to name a few. I’m broke not only because of this trip but also the trip to gurney and the post office in the afternoon. Sigh.
Jimat cermat is the way to go!
By the way, I didn't know that I'm now 80C. Ppddfftttt O_o

We were at one of the many stalls which sell silver 925 accessories and I randomly picked up one ring and asked her how much the price is since they don’t have a price written there on the tag. She quoted me rm45! Without any expression on my face, I quietly put the ring back to its place and then she offered me rm40 instead. As I was hesitantly walking away, she persuaded me again. I told her that the big silver ring that I was wearing costs me rm40, I blurted and walked away without turning back. And my point is she even dared to quote me that kind of price. I have to admit that I wasn’t angry at her but I wonder why my tone was like that. OoOoohh, F-I-E-R-C-E. *roar!* :P

Currently listening to Delerium. Elements of Indian musical intruments can be heard. Heheh!

During the trip to the end of the world, Kel miss called me. I was like, ‘WTF?!’. Someone banish him from my sight. Why is this happening to me?

Well, I shall not let this bothers me.
Overall, I am happy that I got a few cds. :)

[soundbites]
Delerium - Karma

Drift Away

And so I have been up since 9.30am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I feel like I need to get out of the house and do something. Maybe like grab lunch with a friend and then do some shopping for a while and the chill out then fag.

Somehow I have a feeling of going clubbing either tonight or Saturday night. My gawd. Not to mention that I have been imagining too much. I think I’m starting to stray away from reality. I think I miss Philippe. Andrew for his great companionship and sense of humor. Joe for his cheekiness and the ability to make me feel better about myself after talking to him. Kel for the heck of that matter. I miss my high school friends as well. Those days when we spent it together with laughter and happiness.

Well to start off a new day, I should be decorating the house and send out those CNY cards. Yes, I have not sent them off. I’m such a lazy bum. Pffddttt :P It sounds like a good way to snap out of the world of imagination and back to reality.

By the way I have finished fownloading the 1:54:34 LOTR Radio Edit. Yes yess yesssss!!! :)

[sounbites]
DDA – Naninong & Drift Away

God sent!

This killer bomb is Travis Fimmel. An Aussie, living in Melbourne.
Hsin thinks he looks better wearing boxers.. and she saw a poster of him wearing boxers in hong kong. Oh and they had a giant poster of him posing in ck undies in new york and that poster caused sooo many accidents it had to be taken down!! even lots of men were part of the accidents!!

All information thanks to Hsin. :)

I stumbled across the radio edit version of Myrh of Wowfm talking about LOTR. Just go to this site. I just love the way how Jeffrey said "Oooh Yeahhh!" on the 50th minute. Oh I LOVE his voice... He sounded SO sexy! :P

okay, so this entry is a all about a girl thing. I'm drooling all over. *slurp slurp*

GIG!

Independence Day Out

Time: 1:00 PM to 7:00 PM
Venue: Zelferbay Discotheque, Megamall Prai, Butterworth
Date: 22nd February 2003
Ticket: RM20 + soft drinks
Bands: Koffin Kanser, Pickcell, Pramulgate, The Wreck, Big Head, Perosak, Godspit

GREY

As I was sitting down thinking, I am somewhat afraid or rather I don’t feel like bumping into either him or her. Both of them made me sick to the point of throwing up. I couldn’t bare the sight of a black and white together. It’s so contrast. Not that I am a racist, mind you. It’s a personal issue. Don’t they know the outcome of the mixture of black and white? It’s GREY. I never liked grey before. It reminds me of thunderstorms, imminent dark clouds and heavy rain. Just like how grey apply to Mother Nature, grey apply itself to me as a human being as well. Those endless sleepless nights of pain and fear...

I wish this is easier,

My tears won't stop.

I'm running dry.

Lost for words,

Just pain deep inside.

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.

Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!

One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.



How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Lack of Use

After 5 minutes of description, he is still stuck with the scene of which he was still kissing her, hugging her, dancing with her. I guess you can get the picture by having a look at Hindi movies.

Because he was stuck with that scene, I was stuck in this conversation with him for 2 1/2 hours. Gees, I don’t know why I put up this crap with him. If it wasn’t I who wanted to hang up, he would have continued kissing her... hugging her... dancing with her... *shakes head*

I have finally put my lack-of-regular-use-brain to use and I have done something productive rather than sitting around the house and do nothing while listening to endless looping of Sarah Mclachlan.

My closet is not messy anymore and I have all my new clothes aside and my desk cleaned out and neat. Well, almost. :P Speaking of clothes, I still need to get myself a pair of pants and shorts. I was so tempted to get Levi’s Type1 jeans and another pair of Frankenclyde.

I haven’t been taking proper meals or rather any meals and it’s a wonder how I keep pooing away. And now I feel slightly hungry. I am recovered.

Someone who you are not too close with who happens to hurt you once and lied couple of times and then he suddenly calls you up and asked you out on Friday to accompany him to braid his hair?
I’d say no thanks. Next, I was accused of being tarik harga.
I couldn’t be bothered.

CNY is approaching and everyone is busy cleaning the house, decorating the house, buying stuff and getting ready for it. Oh shucks! I just remembered I forgot to write the NY cards.

By the way, Holly Valence is SEXYyyyy!

Cheers. :)

[soundbites]
Delirium - Innocente

Recovery

I just finished sucking the Lozenges the doc gave me. Finally mom agrees to get me to see the doctor right after I took and early sleep around 8pm. She came in and checked on me twice and the fever is still there. She then woke me up again at 10 o'clock and went to Tejani which happens to open and the nearest to our house. Dr. Kadir said I got a high fever and that I have tonsil infections too.

I woke up kind of early around 10am. That's kind of early for me during holidays. Made myself a cup of warm milk and took my medicine. My body doesn't ache anymore, which is good news and the fever has gone down a bit and my throat feels better than yesterday. The medical fees costs me rm30 so it better worked out well! :p

By the way Philippe replied me. So now I shall reply him. My two thumbs looks botak lah... grrr.. bad habit!

Kev - Although I don't know you that well and although you may say that I'm being busy-body or pretentious or maybe I am not up to your standard. The point is sometimes you gotha give them a break and throw them a freaking bone. Just be yourself and dude, you ARE being yourself. So be proud of that. Not many people can be like that. You are unique in your own way.

"Whats with all the angst? Gotta give it up. some day :p" <-- you said that to me once remember? And now you should apply that to yourself eh?

[soundbites]
3 Doors Down - When I'm Gone
George Benson - Breezin'

KL

During the two days when I was in KL, I was sick like a pig and having period. It’s even worse when I got back yesterday night. I have a slight fever, REALLY bad sore throat and bodyache(?!).

This early morning, I followed my mom to the Thaipusam thingy at Waterfall there. It was crowded and I was blessed with the red and white powder thing on my forehead. Long long time ago, they build the lord Khrishnan with big, I mean huge diamonds and jewels. They are still sparkling and shiny. And I went up to the hillside and came down restless from the smell of lots of armpits, milk, curry, and sweat.

Gee do you know how much my throat hurts? I have to cringe a little to swallow my own saliva. ARRRRRRRRRRRggghh..

The KL trip was okay. Actually I should be saying that it wasn’t like what I had expected it to be. Why? It was because of a mother and daughter fight again. Sigh. But then I would say that everything went fine. Joey sms-ed me with his 019 number and said that he missed me. Huwah! *shrugged*
Jas was being his naughty-self and sms-ed me thru ICQ. The question is, I *thought* ICQ couldn’t send sms thru Maxis?

Bought myself two Extreme shirts. One with a guitar on the side saying ‘Extreme Music Enthusiast’ and another one with one guy jumped up with his microphone and the word ‘Sub-Culture’. That’s not all actually but then I’m just too lazy to mention here. I should get my arse down to Sungei Wang or maybe Mid-Valley next time. Gosh, nose piercing is SO freaking commercialized in KL. Sigh.

Does anybody know any remedies to cure a bad sore throat?

Am suppose to wait for Shant but then he called up saying that the jam is really bad. He was stuck in greenlane I think. Sigh, too bad. I have a craving to watch LOTR. What am I going to do now?

Does anybody know any remedies to cure a bad sore throat? Help~!

I’m not feeling too good. I should be getting some nice and comfy sleep with air-con! no wait! I'm feeling cold.. uhh, holler, I'm feeling warm... Yikes! I'm not good.

For the past few days I have this urge of getting this *something* out of my head. The thing is that I don’t even know it myself or what it is. I don’t exactly know what I am feeling. I’m not sure if it is called anger. All I’m sure of is that it is something negative.

I may not be gothic, but some people would see me as a Goth but some would say that I’m somewhat a poser. I am of neutral level. I am not extremely happy or extremely sad. But I think attention therapy may help to cure. Somehow I may seem to be sappy all the time but then that is just what I was feeling at that moment.

I tried to be happy. I mean I do feel happy sometimes but am I REALLY happy? I want to be happy. I really want to. I want everybody to like me.

I just can’t be stuck up. That’s my only flaw and the only way to be happy nowadays.

I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. Class will starts on mid of Feb and I am afraid that I might not catch up with studies. I can’t even sit down properly and quietly to read a book. As I am thinking now, everything that I do is not something that I really enjoy. They’re alternatives to kill time. I am not doing anything useful.

I realized it but I don’t take action. I need motivation and maybe short cuts. I need encouragement.

I feel so out of place, just like an outcast.

I don’t have a 38,24,36 body measurement. I don’t have a face that sells. I don’t have my high school leaving cert. I don’t have any heels. I don’t have the ability to get straight A’s. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have a wonderful family. I don’t get a rm3000 allowance. I don’t have a freaking driving license. I don’t have a freaking social life. I don’t have a creative mind like yours.

All I’m proud of are my honesty and sincerity. My bra size of 40B/C and my hands. My testimonials. My lips. My lip piercing. In fact, all of my piercings. My puma sneakers. And that I used to be freaking active in school activities and of course my dad. The ::sometimes:: ability to make people laugh and the thought of always being there for other people that I cared for.

I’m a bit abnormal and I’m being treated like an outcast.

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it.

Coquette

I am the Coquette The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction - while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand masters of the game, orchestrating a back-and-forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the promise of reward - the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power - all of which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them more. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels. Symbol: The Shadow. It cannot be grasped. Chase your shadow and it will flee; turn your back on it and it will follow you. It is also a person's dark side, the thing that makes them mysterious. After they have given us pleasure, the shadow of withdrawl makes us yearn for their return, much as clouds make us yearn for the sun.

What Type of Seducer are You?
created by polite_society

According to Concise Oxford Dictionary(10th Edition),
Coquette means (1) a woman who flirts (2) a crested Central and South American hummingbird

I mean, a woman who flirts? Me? Noway. I hardly talk to strangers. I'm anti social and stuff. I ONLY flirts with someone who, of course I am interested in. Everybody does that right?

Okay, so will be going KL tmr. There are possibilities that we will be back on saturday night. I dont want, I dont want, I dont want!
Why cant be come back on sunday night instead?

I really feel like getting away from this place, the people and this environment. Oooowwh! *pout*

In an hour's time I will be going out with TzeMing to have lunch together. I need to get myself some stuff like NY cards, new earrings and new clothes.

Hahah! I got myself a NY card yesterday!!!

Hmm why am I so worked up over that anyway? lol.

Been looking thru blinkies these days and I find them quite interesting. heheh. I might constantly change the blinkey on the left. This featured OopseyPoopsey blinkey is cute.

I'm going to adopt a demon soon. muahahah!

[sounbites]
Kelly Rowland - Stole

Double Dosage of Screwed

Okay here's the scoop. Again, I left my computer online for more than 6 hours.. Ssiiiiiiiiigggghhh!!

I forgot that I left the computer online to download NJStar in the afternoon and then my friend came and both of us went out. When I got back my mom complained that something's wrong with the phoneline and I quickly check if I left my comp to go online again. Sigh. I did. My bad.

********************************************

Good News!!! I will be going on a road trip to KL this Friday. Hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!! Oh joy. :)

Angel“VŽg

I could feel her so much that I cried as I was listening to the song. It touched my heart.

[Sarah Mclachlan - Angel]
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance,
for a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason
to feel not good enough,
and it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless,
And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

+CHORUS+
In the arms of the angel,
fly away from here,
from this dark, cold hotel room,
and the endlessness that you feel.

You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line,
and everywhere you turn,
there's vultures and thieves at your back.

The storm keeps on twisting.
Keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack.

Don't make no difference,
escape one last time.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
that brings me to my knees.

You're in the arms of the angel,
may you find some comfort here.

****************************************

I found out that Justin's surname is Goh. I got nothing else to talk about him. He plays the guitar and piano and he drinks and smoke Marlboro Lights. That's all. :P

Justin Timberlake?

Oh noooo... not him!! It's Justin I-dont-know-what-his-surname-is.. yes... I met up with him and just got home.

He's a cool chap. :)

I shall talk about him tmr.. cuz now I'm feeling a bit dizzy. I guess its the lack of lighting here. I gotha get some sleep. I'm tired.

and besides I need to shit NOW!

cheers people.

Slipping Away

Hell, I think I am PMSing. I am all groggy and I get pissed easily. On the brighter side, I am kicking up a storm in my own little world of fantasy.

The friends that I know, not even one is sharing the same interest and none love me and showers me with unlimited attention and love. Who am I complaining to huh? You, as a reader might be a friend of mine anyway.

I feel so neglected and threatened. Nobody bloody gives a shite about what I have to say or what I think or how I feel.

I used to have a lot or at least a little attention from people, but now I don’t even have anything more than a little attention. All the things that I used to have disappeared and banished from my life. One by one taking its toll and is now gone. Silence is the only thing left. Sooner hatred will accompany silence. Not good. I guess that is the price you pay for growing up and having your own individuality. Why do I have to be punished this way? Heck, nobody cares anyway.

[soundbites]
Sarah Mclachlan – Fear
Mogwai – Take Me Somewhere Nice

NOW I'm Screwed

I left the computer online for a goddamn 6 hours while it did nothing. I didn’t even finish download any songs. All the while I thought I logged off since 6.30pm. oh boy, I’m going to get screwed big time.

SIGH!

I felt so left out during dinner time. Nobody cares and nobody knows.

Hmm, now where is my pack of fags????!! *stomp stomp stomp*

*started crying*

I'm WEIRD. :p

Screw Socialites

Yesterday night was a drag. Big drag.

It was disappointment at first when the gang doesn’t want to go clubbing with me, then V called and asked me to go clubbing with him and Suh. And so, we went SS. Overall, I can say that I had just a little fun by having the chance to dance all night. Too bad I didn’t manage to find myself a guy to goreng. lol! Kidding. I got to dance for 3 hours straight. Yay! Totally dehydrated.

The thing is, they were ignoring me and both of them are stuck up perverted ass holes. They’re not gentlemen at all and they are no fun. Ignorance. Definitely not a good company for me to enjoy myself after months of absence in the clubbing scene. Later I found out that Lush was raided by the police and V did take my friend’s phone. Whoops, correction, I mean stole. So much for trust. And he actually has a girlfriend and he still fucks around. They are no difference from Kel either. Fuckhead, free-loader, stuck up. Wasted.

The piercer and tattoo parlour was there as well. Drinking, dancing and distributing his name card. Weird moves.

I got home at 4am and before I got the chance to turn my ringing volume down, Sweet Dreams from Marilyn Manson was playing on my phone. It was Jas who called me up. Hearing Sweet Dream in the middle of the night is freaky I tell you. I had to go to my bathroom to talk to him as I changed to my nightie.

I slept at 5 something and only got up at 1 something. Tomorrow is going to be a drag too because my sister is coming back and we’re going to Baling or something. L-A-M-E.

I think I am just plain anti-social.

And I hate my mom always leave voice messages for me. ARGH! Such a waste of credit.

[soundbites]
Sarah Mclachlan – Adia, Arms of an Angel
(yeah go ahead and call me sappy)

Rampage?

Feeling happy, energized and hyper after the gang visited me (yay!) and the goofing around business, I found myself online. Surfing for more blogs, checking emails, downloading songs from Sarah Mclachlan, listening to Avril Lavigne and chatting with Kevin at the same time. Yeah, multi-tasking. :)

As I was happily doing all these stuff, my mom got up and caught me online, again. Bah. Nags about how I’ve turned the night to day and from day to night, not helping out in the house and constantly going online. I couldn’t be bothered. I just kept quiet. Why doesn’t she try to understand me?

Lie quiet and you will lapse back into peace again.

She has been ignoring me and what she ever does is to criticize me.

Cousin has been ignoring me, which is a good thing to me. Don’t step on me and I shall not pass your territory. If you do, I’m going to make it a double dosage for you.

The urge of crying and loneliness struck me when I got up. It hit me with it’s sharp bitterness. I freaked myself out. I don’t know the reason why.

I got friends telling me yesterday’s The Star newspaper got an article about piercings and tattoos. They thought of me. Aww! I finally got my hands on it and as I was flipping through it, I found another article about a young Malaysian teenage girl having depression. I can connect to that.

Philippe replied me. He’s in university now. A few things that make me wonder are why isn’t he in pastor school now? He still thinks that I still love him and that I will cry when he tells me that he still misses me and there’s another girl after me. He doubted the girl and I’m the only one who remembers his birthday while everybody else doesn’t. He forgot about my birthday and asked me for the date. Oh, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway. The journal that I made for him, his *fcuking* mother took it. That’s what he said. Hahah.

Hsin told me stuff about CH. How he ditched her and Joanne and made them followed him all around gurney without showing them his rm7999 limited edition Gibson guitar. How he drove away or rather run away from them. He used to be in Nicholas Tze’s band and that he is working in a pub near Jelutong. He will be touring Hong Kong in March, Japan in May and Melbourne in August. Saying now he is in KDU, to be precise, in class. Blah blah blah. All lies.

Now I feel like I am so sick of this place. Everything around me, I even suggested of going on a road trip to KL. Hope it works out fine. Now I have an idea of how to wear my piercing. Connect two piercings with one earring. I got to go try it out if it works.

[soundbites]
Future Sound of Jazz Volume 4 – Track 8 (Est-Ce Une Gropher Party, Baby)


Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yepp just got up and I've already had two fags. Not good.

Owh, my head hurts.



[soundbites]
NIN - Burn

THIS really gets on my nerves. He really pisses me off with his judge a book by its cover attitude. Such a judgemental typical chinese. shallow minded. Here's the conversation.

HIM : wait, did we meet at the coffee bean?

ME : are u just double checking or there is smth else in your mind.. lol. yes i think we did.

HIM : double checking. U have a lot of piercings rite?

ME : dont tell me that you actually like them all. :P

HIM: tat's the thing. I dun like any of them, except those on ur ears, to be honest.

ME : oh hmm.. and you judge me on that?

HIM : partly. But wat matters was tat we r in the wrong channel.

ME : and? channel? there's only one satelite dish.

HIM : U r too westernised. Always toking about rock bands n concerts.

ME : you could always initiate smth else. that was only once that we hung out. obviously you judge me while you know nothing about me.

HIM : well, sorry to say this, but tat one time is enough for me.

ME : thats just so unfair. if i judge you when you send the msg asking me for one night stand i would have said that you are an idiot. but i did not. im not trying to make you do smth that you dont want to. and heck i dont even know why i even bother.

ME : forget it.

HIM : hehehe. Maybe I was wrong.

ME : you are one typical chinese

HIM : hei hei missy, all I was saying is tat I dun think we would be good frends together.

HIM : tat's how I treat everybody, including guys n pretty gals.

ME : im not asking you to be my good friend. and pretend that you dont know your friend when he/she calls you up is how you treat your friends too?

HIM : tat was a mistake. I changed my fon n i didn't record ur name into the new one.

HIM : I dun have photographic memory u know. N until I realise it, I didn't wan to call coz it's akward for me.

ME : yepp and now you tell me that my name is familiar.

HIM : didn't u read my msg? I said I didn't put ur name n no. into my new fon! N all tat showed up tat day when u called me was just a number! I didn't know it was u!

HIM : forget about it. Bye.

ME : yeah whatever. youre just so full of excuses. i dont even know why i bother to talk to you in the first place with you asking for one night stand and shites. yepp well said. you damn well forget it.

Confusion

Sometimes it seems very hard to please one person. Argh I don't know, I am so confused.

Why am I always living in this confused phase? ever so blur and clueless and aimless. sigh!

I want to go back to college and study so that I could at least feel less confuse.

I hung out with Dennycia today. It was quite fun. We had sushi.. heh I dragged her there though! :P
had a good time putting on fake tattoos which looks like they're for real. oh and I drove her crazy by insisting her to be my genuinea pig and she is so fun to persuade too. lol.

Yesh. marlboro reds for life. lol.

Bah. I still want out of this confusion. Gosh, someone help.

I'm gonna drown myself with anne rice while listening to some good music.

Jasdev updated his frigging blog finally!!!

check it out. :)

I'm a baby LOTRien :)

Since I have decided to go for an early sleep, I was on my bed by 12 midnight. My mind and eyes are still wide awake, so I read a little bit of Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul. I found it in my old house on Sunday while clearing out the stuff.

I wouldn’t say that I enjoyed the few pages that I read but I do enjoy Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul couple of years back. But one thing I do like is that fact that it consists of short stories and I could stop reading it or pick it up at any time that I want. It does make you feel philosophical tho.

Precisely 11.08 pm yesterday night, Kel miss called me. I don’t deny that I was feeling very alone and I needed someone familiar to talk to. I thought ‘Oh, what the hell, why not eh?’ but before I could take action, something stopped me. Yes, I thought of what he did to me and I said no way that I’m going to call him. If he wants to talk to me, he calls baby.

And so I tried to go back to sleep, I still couldn’t. My discman was sitting nicely next to me and I simply picked it up and switched on the radio. Hell, Myrh were talking with 4 die-hard fans of LOTR and they’re all guys. My, my… they’re Jeffrey *wink*, Yee Yang, Asuhan and Lok Wei. They’re all so perky and funny even though it was 1 o’clock in the morning. There were discussions on the book, the movie, goofs, trading cards, Peter Jackson and so on. Listeners called in to voice out their opinions and there were prizes to give away including the extended VCD of LOTR and an Uruk-Hai figurine!! One fella from KL won it and boy, he was freaky. I mean he’s totally mushy and all over Myrh I think. He begged, whined and moaned. Gee, almost sounded like phone sex! From there, I was listening to them until 2.35 am. The show was terrific!

I dozed off with the discman still on and the headphones stuck on my ears. I got up this morning and found out that my discman is low battery. Oh by the way, you could check out this site, exclusively for local Tolkien fans. Hmm, why aren’t my friends crazy about LOTR? Hmm.

[Avril Lavigne – I’m With You]
I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There’s nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there’s no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody please take me home?
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won’t you take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don’t know who you are
But I'm, I'm with you

im looking for a place
Searching for a face
Is there anybody here i know
cause nothings going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

The F Word

Sitting in a BMW is suppose to be comfortable, nice and all good but why am I not feeling that way? Am I giving myself headache or was it just not enough sleep? Gawd, I am still feeling a slight headache.

Today is the first day of school and I went back to my high school to check out some stuff. I dropped by to see my IT teacher and boy, she is a good chatter. Despite that, I still like her very much. Before that I was at the canteen eating hokkien mee because my friend misses it.

I was at gurney for a while and when I got back, Alvin called to check if I’m there. That guy needs to get out of the house since he couldn’t go online. Poor thing, his line is barred.

I’ve switched the labret stud to a ring. Although it is not big enough but it still fits. I still need to get a proper plug for my stretching and extra earrings so that I could occupy the rest of the piercings that I have. This time I’m going to get either stainless steel or pure silver earring.

Swatch’s 2003 Valentine’s collection watch will be available around next week and as for spring collection 2003 will arrived soon and the catalogue itself will arrive in two week’s time after the collection is available.

I've finally bumped into Andrew online yesterday but he took off before I got to say goodnight. I guess he freaked out cuz of my picture or because I was on the phone with Jas and there were moments of silence? I don't know. Or probably he freaked out at the fact that I am such a freak? Hmm.

Today, Jas called me up and told me that in college, my blog page has been banned from viewing. According to the firewall or something, it is because the F* word appeared several times and the same thing goes to the word ‘horny’? as far as I can remember, I don’t remember using the word horny and the college authorities said that no pornography allowed but they definitely did not say that if the page contains the F* word, students can’t view it. Lame.

My nails are really botak now. Yepp thanks to my bad habit.

I feel like going back to college and study. (Yikes!)

Overall, it is a quiet and placid day. I need excitement and I need entertainment. Oh to get a freaking piercing will be cool. Yes, yessssss… (I sounded like Gollum, hehe)

I have decided to get an early sleep.

No Lazy Sunday

I went out again to do some shopping with Kam yesterday and she dragged me to browse for lingeries. Ha-ha. I asked her why she wanted to get red lacey bra, she told me because CNY is approaching. How corny. :p

I didn’t manage to get myself any cds or the manson posters at all but then I did buy myself a necklace. I mentioned it a few weeks back in my blog, the one in Laconic which costs 72 bucks. Label me as crazy but I really do like the necklace. I am wearing it now, such a pity that I don’t have a viewcam, or else I could take some picture of it and the ring which will reminds everyone of The Ring from LOTR.

I had chonpan ramen as my dinner. It is a huge bowl of soup ramen with lots of veggies in it which costs only rm5. It’s located in safari. The guy who runs the stall used to be one of the waiters in Yataimura.

At night, myself and Dennycia intended to chill out at sega but then it was packed like a sardine can so we decided to go next door to Coffee Bean. Vinnie, Jon and David later on joined us and cranked up silly jokes about how Jon is capable of taking one’s pants off with his magic pull and doing zippo tricks and our lame secret handshakes of respect, disrespect and nahh! *shows middle finger* Oh, and how Jon likes to fiddle with the plastic of a Marlboro and started to fiddle with it in front of Vinnie's aunty and nearly bongkar rahsia! ;)

However, Edward later around 11 plus joined us and there were lots of moments of silence because he is such a retard. How is it possible that you talk to someone without making eye contacts and complained about not wanting to go home while we are already in front of his apartment? He works in some real fucking cool shop which sells way too cool accessories which plays prodigy, enigma and occasionally some slipknot. He thinks he is cool and acted really snobbish, implied bull shits like I can’t or rather poor to buy stuff from his expensive store and treated my friend better than me just because she is pretty. I don’t blame her but I blame him for being the typical Chinese and being shallow. When the store was first opened, I was one of the first few to become a member ever since and been buying stuffs and supported them from the start and at that time, he is still studying in IPG. Who are you to judge me and you don’t treat your customer like that, do you? You don’t know me that well to fucking judge me.

Anyway, before we were in one mamak place in pulau tikus, he caressed dennycia’s hand because we were at a traffic light waiting for it to go green. She rested her right hand on her head rest and he caressed her, he caressed her! She pulled away quickly and he clearly knows that she has got a boyfriend. Ah.

*********************************************

I can officially say that I have problems with sleep. I just don’t seem to get enough of it.

I was so wide awake after I got home and I started wandering around the house like going online for half an hour and then do some reading before I tried to sleep obviously which it didn’t work and then I was disturbed by some bloody bastard who called me up and before I got to say hello, he hung up. Once in a blur moon, he will start miss calling me or bug me. Clearly I don’t know who he is and since I am feeling a little rich and curious, I called him up. That bastard kept quiet for a while and then started to whisper in some language which I don’t even get. According to his voice, I can tell he is a Chinese guy who is able to speak English. I got so freaking annoyed and I just cant stand the way he bug me, I sms-ed him asking him who he is and why is he whispering and kept miss calling me in the middle of the night, well, nicely of course yet demanding. He did not reply.

ARGH! *holding fists up*

Since my stomach was demanding for a lil snack I cooked myself instanst mee and read some stuff in the newspaper instead of letting anger and curiosity take over me.

I got up and then I accompanied my mom to bayan baru to clear out some stuff and do some spring cleaning. Actually, it’s a two year vacant house. We even run out of black plastic bags and we bought a bigger and thicker ones so that we could simply dumped everything in. As a matter of fact, we did and we ended up with loads of rubbish and bags of stuff to bring back home. I think it can fill up to two lori vans. Not to mention that my hair was covered with some dusts and all of my finger nails were really nasty black and dirty. It was more like we haven’t had our showers in days! My slippers and feet were covered with filth too. Yuckie. hehe.

The day ended with me getting my long and hot shower and going to a hairdresser to get my filthy hair washed and blew dry.

So there you go, my tired body going through hardship and ended up in soreness and exhaustion. Now, I am so clean and so dehydrated. Got to go and get myself one big bottle of H2O. Just in case you have not noticed, I am still sick. Awwww.

[soundbites]
Peshay – Switch
Kruder & Dorfmeister – Sofa Rockers (wtf?!)

Some New Start

How does it feel to fall sick on new year’s day until now. I guess I reminisced too much that insomnia has taken its toll on me. No wait, lets just say since the holiday started. I guess it’s the turmoil of holidays. I was caught online this early morning around 4.30am by my mom. What is the problem anyway? I just don’t see it.

I ended up reading thru Prozac Nation and my cousin sister mumbled and scolded me for whatever fucking reason that isn’t relevant at all. What is her fucking problem with me? What did I do wrong that she has to go against me and holding the grudge against me? She doesn’t give a damn about me and what she wants to do is to banish me. I hate my life.

I felt extremely low and alone these days. I’m seeking attention. I tried calling someone yesterday and after it rung once, I hung up immediately. Not knowing the reason why.

Scott called and informed me that he just got back from Singapore and he just broke up with his girlfriend. Yeah, like I give a shit about it.

I have a fucking piercing urge to satisfy.

I went to gurney just now and went shopping with Kam. I was looking at myself through the lady’s mirror and I saw Ming and then met up with whole bunch of usual mates. I couldn’t help myself but to hug them and to do our secret handshake. Well, it’s only for Shant anyway. He likes it when I do it with him. ;)

We were in East India’s fitting room while I tried out one crossed back spaghetti strap tank top and one halter top, she suddenly exclaimed saying that she likes my yellowish lacey bra! Sheesh. She’s going to get it tomorrow. LOLl!!

After a few hours of shopping, our outing will never be complete without sitting down at some place, have a cup of coffee and smoke. We indulged ourselves with blueberry cheesecake and pure chocolate ice blended. I offered her my Davidoff and she likes it.

While we were sitting down, nicely sipping our pure chocolate ice blended, I spotted one really hot guy. Damn, that is the kind of guy that I want to date! Sigh. I am so unlucky to feel lucky.
Charmingly spiked up hair do, cargo shorts, a Nike shirt, a pair of sneakers, few necklaces worn around the neck, carrying one Mambo backpack. He looks like a Caucasian but then he looks like one Chinese guy. Oh he is hot. He’s neither skinny nor fat, well-build, just nice. Broad shoulders and speaks English. Okay, okay, I’m drooling over here. But what really matters is his personality. Those were just material shits anyway.

god, why don’t you bless me this kind of guy with good personality instead of some jerk who I was dating at that time, snuggled up with my friend in front of me while smooching, I mean French kissing each other and dirty dancing for almost an hour and became a couple after two days?

Oh, shite, I’m wandering off to my self pity and loneliness again.

I got to go batu feringghi to get some cds tomorrow.

Lastly, today's Philippe and Putra's birthday.
Happy Birthday boys. :)

alright, signing off to subaidah. hurrah.

[soundbites]
Mogwai – Take Me Somewhere Nice
Mogwai – Cody

WELCOME 2003!!

A very Happy New Year to each and everyone who reads my blog. May this year brings life to most cherished of dreams; hope that it will be better than the last, have a great year ahead! Cheers! :)

Oh, here’s a good one!
Wishing you a seductive and horny New Year licked by love and penetrated by heavenly graces and may all your misfortunes be ejaculated before the season has climaxed.

My new year’s eve was spent with close friends the relaxed way! Although I was at gurney at dawn until it started to rain. There was the rave party which I thanked god I didn’t pay for a freaking 18 or 20 or 25 bucks for dancing in the rain and no air-conditioner. Not that it concerns me anyway. What matter is I have my friends to spend the night with. They’re all beautiful people and I got the chance to cut Shant’s nails. LOLZ.

I’ve finally topped up my credit; it’s now rm59.66 after the new year wishes.

> Rihant > Tze Ming > Jean Yee > Eugene > Santhanan > Goppal > Jasdev > Alvin > Jon > Hsin > Prem > Miranda > Sista > Dennycia > Damien

When I woke up this morning, I was having a lil running nose and sore throat. Not good.

My cousin sister is a huge big-O drag! She accused me of talking rudely to her. What a big fat lie. I hate it when someone accused me of something which I didn’t do. Sometimes I think there is no point in being nice to her and stuff, eventually she will get it back at you because she always have the grunge against me and it never will go away.

By the way yesterday, one lady called me up speaking in malay, again she also claimed that she is from Telekom and she clarified my number with me and then told me that one of the clients complained that my number appeared in their bill. She then started asking me names which I don’t even know but for the fact that it’s some Indian names, including one Dr. title. I suspect something. The next thing, she asked me for my name and I got a wee bit worked up. I told her off saying that although my number appeared in their bill but then it doesn’t mean that she has the rights to ask for my name and then she hung up. I also did tell her that a few months ago, someone called me up and claimed that she is from Telekom as well saying the same thing to me. I should’ve asked her whether they have double checked their bill and clarify that it is true.

I smell something fishy over here, very fishy.

[soundbites]
U2 – Kite *it rocks!*
Avril Lavigne – I’m With You & Losing Grip
John Mayer – No Such Thing
Peshay - Switch

~*+ Happy 2003 +*~