Turned Upside Down

im feeling a lil bit shattered.

i bumped into mingchong's car on thursday. it was parked at somewhere near gurney so i was there and i called. he dont know who i am, can you believe that. this isnt the first time, he dont even know me when i msged him thru the internet. you see i got to know him thru the net and met up with him coupla weeks back. he just came back from uk and stuff. i dont know.. i was kind of hurt when he asked me who i am. i thought he knew. i thought we're friends. god knows why i bumped into him again today after i had my breakfast. sigh. it reminds me of what i was feeling on thursday. not good.

i still havent done anything to my assignments yet. im so dead. i want to finish up my assignments but my body is protesting. sigh.

in the morning, i went to island plaza. i came out kind of happy with a few items that can beautify me, hopefully. came back, helped around a bit and then im here already for more than an hour's time.. coming to two hours i think. gosh. will be going to baskin robins later around 5 something. ice cream!! yum yummm...

problem is, im so broke. im almost broke for my phone's credit but still going on with sms marathon furiously. baskin robins which costs a bum and hopefully i wouldnt be plastering myself or going on a spree of whatever later of the week. okay, so i just gave a 10 bucks away. there it goes.. im left only with a red note and a few blue notes and a green note, which might get my lungs painted with grey crayons. yeah.
my room's a mess, my mind's a mess and god, im such a mess. have to wash my hair. do my assignments. do some studying. get some clothes washed. get out of the house. hopefully get myself hooked up with prinze and get myself a schnauzer. not to mention my fucking license. ah. now i see thats what has been keeping me cursing and whining. sheesh i want more dollar signs. damn i noticed that i still have my bag on the phone table since yesterday and might be there for another day to come. *groan*

one thing that keeps me happy and occupy is putra. really he's cool. just too bad he will be going to russia. thats something that upsets me a lil. ok so dude, if you are reading this, you DONT have to read this alright? this is so personal. i shouldnt even have given you the url in the first place, now look what you've done, i got nobody to tell it to when it comes to this kind of issue. dammit. we have not met though. i mean you'd be going like 'WTF?!!' okokay... i dont know whats coming man. i dont want to crack my head. i better knock myself out next week if i have the chance. hopefully everything will be done and settled next week. *fingers crossed*

yesterday michelle smsed me. fucking WEIRD. hm asking me where the heck is my god bro, i mean how would i know girl?! fine, so she said she is darn worried and shit, he didnt answer her phonecalls or anything, lastly asked me to tell him that if i happens to contact him. what do u think i am girl? messenger? by saying that i said to her nicely that he is alright and mentioned words of comfort. actually i KNOW that she is telling me something, like she really cares for him and shit. hey i dont give a shit about it ok? u people just stop bugging me. you're more beautiful than i am and yeah he gave you ALL the attention, not me. enough? i did not compete with you so bugger off! (Note: notice the tone? okay im not good) eurgh, i tried calling him but his room phone was engaged and then nobody answered the cellphone.

my nails are really short. it is, in fact, botak looking.

me: (i was sitting down reading something) *miss called coupla times*
prinze: hahaha, stop it, your name flashing on my screen is making me horny.. hehehe.. did you enjoy your breakfast? where are you now?
me: *miss called coupla times again* ;p
prinze: okok, if you are making me horny, you are succeeding..
me: *miss called coupla times again*
prinze: liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikk chueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennn?
me: *miss called coupla times*
prize: oh i see... miss calling me

sorry man i just have to im running out of credit. besides i was sending some sort of coding over there, telling you that, yes i enjoyed my breakfast and haha im not responsible for making you horny cuz i didnt do it intentionally. not a crime right?

damn ASH is so addictive. awesome awesome!!! got my body gushing with blood for a while there. cool! now let me listen to doves.

i might blog later. hmm just got another missed call from prinze. revenge time. ;)
left an hour for me to do assignments. grrrr...

Lik Chuen:

You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You have good recuperative abilities. You are determined. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. You work hard to achieve material success through your own efforts. You are soft-hearted with a charitable nature. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind.
:


Neoh:


You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You need to learn the true value of material possessions. You have a natural protection in life. You are always saved - especially from yourself.

take the test here. | What Is In Your Name? |

Skeptical

well i guess buying that schnauzer aint going to work afterall. for a moment i seriously think of buying it there but i guess i was turned down. i guess i really click with the dog. i've always fancy schnauzer. sigh. my sister was so against it. mom said nothing. guess she's not okay with it as well...
oh ok, my sister is back from KL for the weekend. she hated my lip piercing. she even whined about it when i met her up in KL few weeks back. i just couldnt be bothered. whenever she is back for the holiday she would be the most important person in the world and that kinda pissed me off. i was then faded. but i was always faded and grey. i dont really bother about it. unlike her, she would be all jealous cuz my mom was just hospitable. But when she is around, the mood or atmosphere is merrier. At least mom has got someone to talk with.

my new piercing doesnt hurt that much anymore. hurrah. damn i feel like taking photos, just for the heck of it. yeah! i want to take it with the schnauzer. damn cute. by the way i just found out the meaning for the cloth, the thingy that you use to wipe yourself dry is spelled as tovle. Hmm…

our beloved dr. mahathir is still on the tv giving us a really meaningful speech. Its merdeka eve right now. Actually im suppose to go and have dinner at stone grill but then my friends screwed it up. Sigh. And im stuck in the house. Im going out next week. Probably gonna have a slumber party or something. Dunno. Surprisingly Jasdev sent me a sms asking me how im doing and where im going for tonight. Hmm, he’s in his hostel watching tv and bored out. Damn im running out of credit. I was going on a marathon sms just now. Shittie.

Crap, I have been chewing my nails lately. Something’s wrong with me eh? Even now I’m chewing them! Jeepers. I will be a bit paranoid and the feeling is more towards morbid and sad kind of feeling, when I listen to our lady peace.

Ok, 3 days and I have to finish one assignment. No wait, its three. Damn! Plus some studying too. Im whacked. Been getting lectures from cousin sister for using her computer.

OUR LADY PEACE
"Life"

How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many time have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?

How many time have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?
How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, not a lie

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, not a lie

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive

About Schnauzer... click here.

| schnauzer |

Schnauzer

heheh im having my class break right now and im here in the cyber cafe online. ;)
anyway i have two hours breaktime so i went to bj and had brunch. yay i got myself a mashimaro thingy. haha, so unlike me huh? later, we went to this pet shop which has got dogs like yorkshire and schnauzer. damn i love schnauzer!!!!! i was holding and petting this miniature schnauzer named Elton. aawwwwwwwwww... it is so fucking cute. he would just put his small head on your arms and rest it there for a while and tends to bite and play your fingers with his puppy teeth. it cost rm1800. i even got the chance to feed that small fella... using a small bottle of course. after a while he made some really timid sound.. heheh.. the fella wants to pee!! hahah.. he's kind of trained so he went to the paper there and pee. very timid indeed. he tried to bite my pants man!!!!!

i still have his smell on my shirt though.. i love it. god, i want it! i still have to think about it though. with me going to college and another dog-spitz in my house so i really have to think about it. not to mention the price and the attention that it requires.
its so fucking cute. :p

okay im signing off now. i *think* im late for class.

*poof!*

Take the test, by Emily.

Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley

Putra = Prinze

another thing about this bloke is that he have this hairy chest, hairy legs and not to mention hairy hands/arms. He likes to say 'Hmmm..?' and sound very sexy and cute at the same time without getting whacked for.

neway I am really signing off right now. Stonegrill for dinner tommorrow. Cheers!

a BIG hi to Putra!!!

Okay, so he promised me to blow my ears when he see me. heheh. I have doubts man.

Bloody hell. I typed the email and came online to send it to Philippe but it didn't work! Instead it was lost! ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHH!! FUCKED. I'll just email him again. sigh.

One thing about blogging is that it is open to the public. Now I have Putra asking me why I'm making statements like this and like that... uhhhhh.. nothingggggg!!
He said he is Not using me to kill time and he hopes i sincerely believe him.
Man! I love sincerity... :)

Infatuation

Well I read through my blog again and I realized that of all the guys that I have mentioned, they’re just infatuation. Like Joe for an example. And whoever that Scott is, I’m so fucking lazy to erase the entry. Sigh. Did I tell you guys that he was some sort of a pervert? This is the scoop: I went down to KL and I was hoping that maybe we could meet up so I informed him. The next thing I know is that he asked me whether we will end up in a hotel room. Far out. Okay, go figure.

I bumped into Eugene on Monday and coincidently I was distributing the pictures that I have developed for some of my friends, including Eugene of course. So I approached him and I was so bad I just told my friend to go to the cafeteria and wait for me. Hey.. I needed the privacy ok? Besides Eugene won’t approach or talk to me comfortably when my friends or his friends are around. He mentioned that during prom night be will be performing and will be playing songs like ‘I will survive’ by Cake, ‘Santa Monica’ by Everclear and the other one I forgot. Damn I Love those two songs. They’re my fav. :)

The day started with me having a severe stomachache sitting on my college’s toilet bowl and pooing away. *Choked*
Again I skipped purchasing class and then I followed my birthday boy friend to the tattoo parlour at Komtar. Unfortunately the parlour wasn’t around. My friend was left petrified and cheerless. I gave him a pat on the shoulder as a gesture of comfort and consolation. The thing is that I really wanted him to do it simply just for the heck of it. I love tattoos. :) and since I was pooing away in the morning and the whole afternoon I was at the monitor screen doing assignments and modifying my page, I didn’t have lunch. So we went to Gloria Jean’s and I had Fettucini with mushroom cream and cheese. Yum yumm… at last something to fill my empty stomach.

Oh, I got my right ear pierced though. Just one. I know, I know… I’m hopeless huh? Hehe, maybe I am. I just love piercing. It kinda hurts right now. The rest didn’t hurt that much but this one is, hmm wonder why. I just might want to stretch something. Probably another lobe stretching will be nice, and this time make it big, I mean Big. Don’t ask me why I went for the piercing suddenly, I just felt like it besides of all the depressions, I think I needed one.

When I got home I called up Putra without any reasons at all. I just called. Hmm. He is funny, in a funny way and annoying in a funny way as well. Overall, weird. I find him interesting but he will be leaving for Russia on the 24th of Sept. *sob* he said he cant resist a free study sponsor… oh and I cant resist his husky and macho voice. Dang. Did ask him to go with me to the prom but was turned down. He might be in KL before leaving the country. *sob again* Why is everybody leaving the country to study? And why am I stuck here? …

Hmm more about him? Okay so I have been on the phone with him these few days and trust me, both of us are blur and yes, the conversation was a blur as well. Few times when I was really asleep or I kinda felt asleep, so try to imagine the conversation eh? (NOTE: okay, he just miss called me coupla times) Bummer. I think I’m going to die of over exposure of radiation. I think I am just his time killer or past time center. Nothing special and nothing grand. Maybe nothing too. I’m not sure.

Shitty, the piercing still hurts.

I got Philippe’s email today. I replied. I just have the feelings that he is really getting on with his life and somehow a small part of me is telling me to so do as well as a small part of me ain’t moving on. I’m so confused. Okay, I will have to do something about it.

My friends and myself went for dress hunting or rather prom outfit hunting. It’s a headache. If I can’t find a suitable dress or something, I might not go at all.

I need to fix the comment/shout outs codings. Just now Putra left a commend in one of the commend box and then the rest of the commend box has the same thing that was written by him. The whole page man, meaning the rest of the commend button shows the same thing that Putra has wrote. Wtf?! Putra, are you reading this? I need help man!!!!

Right, my hair is dry and yes I can go to sleep now. Damn, I am really a zombie of the zombies. Sleep, here I come!

I have been trying to fix a few things or rather try to add in or modify my page a bit. seriously man, I need to contact Rand0m` or smth but i just couldnt take the effort to. Dont know why. i *think* im afraid of him. He's like the more intelligent species and im not. hmm. besides coupla times he forgot about my name or rather dont even know who i am. so i guess, i'll just stay away from him. His blog is rather interesting though.

oh well, i better get back to modifying the page. im zero when it comes to this. argh, help needed man.
now where does this set of coding goes to huh? hmmmm...

Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?

You are 14% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

i am



what
microsoft OS are you?

I don't believe this

My Romance Meter

Optimist 50% . . 50% Cynic Close 59% . . 41% Distant Long Term 30% . . 70% Brief

What does my romance meter read?

Hehehe *grins*

My Favorite Male Part Is: The Arm: Strong and protective. Good for slave labour too... Find out your favorite male body part!

. . . What is my spectrum? I am green: My main color is green. I like to have fun and comfort. Happiness is the marker of a great life. . What is my spectrum?

Dead to the world. A shell of what I was. Without direction nor purpose. Who cares anyway?

Isolated

Every now and then I will think what my future will be. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to be successful or ever find the right person and the lists go on. I wonder about the situation that I’m in as well. It doesn’t make sense at times.

I went and watched ‘Story About A Boy’ today at BJ although I intended to watch xXx. Man, Vin Diesel rocks! Whenever you’re at the cinema’s counter, you will see those really big posters and big 3D ads? I just wished that I could have one of those showing off his arms with tattoos. I was imitating Stich’s voice. Hehe it was very much alike. That fella is so darn cute. I really want the merchandise of it. Later my friends and me went to Gurney Plaza, walked around and I saw Shashi! Wow, that guy is a pervert but I don’t know why I have a little wants to talk to him and stay in touch with him. WEIRD. Then we had dinner at California’s café. Out of a sudden Rishant has got a craving for McD’s French fries so we went. After some time I noticed that the bunch of guys sitting over at Nando’s were the people sat next to our table at Shamrock yesterday.

Oh okay, so we went to Shamrock. It is a pub near Slippery Senyorita (SS). We’re probably going there next week. I enjoyed myself though. A good thing about the place is that, the music is loud and the drinks are not so expensive. Good drinks, okay music, not bad at all. But of course the place is a bit for young working people and Indians. Well overall, it’s okay. Jeepers, you know what, I bumped into Nantha just right before I enter Shamrock. He was sitting in his car and he just waved but u got over to his place. He straight off told me that he tried calling me but couldn’t get hold of me. Wtf?! I’d say that he is lying. One minute hot and another minute is cold kind of guy. I don’t know…

I intended to go home really late but I don’t know. My mom seems to get into the way all the time. I don’t get it, the difference is that what time I sleep or step into the house. And hell, what am I going to do if I’m in the house? Not like she is going to entertain me. One thing is that my mom is that she tends to nag and nag a whole lot. It never ends. Fuck. Life is short, hello! I don’t care, I got home went online and was on the phone, talking with Ugin. I tried to call my god bro but failed guess he is talking with that Michelle again. That’s another thing that I don’t care about. Ugin seems to be shooing me away, he is the one person that I talk to who I don’t wish good night at all. He doesn’t do that as well. Fucking cold idiot. I’m not going to call him anymore. The thought did come across my mind that I might want to call up Nantha but in the end, I didn’t. I guess he is not worth it and I should do something to tell him that, or else he will be smooching with me and thinking that I have the hots for him. He is wasteland for me.

I am actually somehow suppose to go and watch xXx with Eugene. Sigh! Not sure if that is going to happen though. I want to go out, I want my goddamn driving license, I want to go and watch a movie with Eugene, I want to have more cash, I want to finish up all of my assignments and I want to die.

Each day ends quicker
And my mind gets slower too
As my life just fades away
I wouldn’t have a clue

Shittie. You know I couldn’t believe that I way dancing with britney spears’ boys. Eek! Hahah but its catchy though. Dance with it y’all! I’m listening to MUSE right now and I’m going to listen to Ash later on. Yeah.

Drained as drained can be
Life is gone for me
Drained as drained is free
If only I could breathe

Blank

Remember I talked about the 60's zombie lecturer with a twist of weirdness? i attended first half of his lecturer and skipped the second half tuitorial class. Funny. He talked about 'Duress', but then he connected it to 'Durex'. Wtf?! And he even laughed at his own jokes, i mean Durex here. He paused for i think 1 minute. Can u imagine that? try counting the seconds and see how long it goes.

I dont know what i am feeling right now and i'm just blank.

oh wait, i gotha go and see a lecturer right now to make up for my test which i missed out on last week. i guess the time has come for me to face the truth. Im gonna die.

Meaningless

Yesterday was a drag. Despite I was having my headache, I ended up having an argument with my mom. I think she was tired and exhausted and every time she comes back home, she would pick a fight with me even with the littlest things. She would yell at times. I hate it. Saturday night and I was stuck at home. How sad. I found a cure for my headache though, I watched a movie and I ate my dinner. Probably I was groggy at the same time because I didn’t have my dinner. I watched Me, Myself & Irene. It was okay. Later after that I watched a movie on tv3 starring John Travolta. The kid in that movie is so darn cute. :)

The night ended with me crying myself to sleep. I brought out the big folder which Philippe sent me all of the letters and cards and whatever. I looked through it and the more I look at them, the more I miss him. I guess that is why I ended up crying.

Around 6.30am in the morning, goddamn bugger called me up. Actually miss called me. The fella just don’t get it. The truth is I don’t know who he is and I don’t know where the hell he got my number from and I just don’t give a shit about him. I did not miss call him or anything because I find him irritating and lame. The thing is he just don’t get the picture. How could someone miss calling you twice in the morning while you are having your deep sleep?! Gees!! For god’s sake, this guy is nuts. You know what I did in the end? I actually though of sending a sms telling him not to miss call me and shit, the polite way. But then again, I don’t know where I got the idea from, I called him back but then I got his voice mail, so I didn’t leave any message but then I just kept quite for a second there and then hang up. I repeated that procedure for coupla times. I don’t know how many times though. I thought that he will have to waste money to listen to his voice messages. Grrr, that motherfucker. If only I could shove a nine iron up his ass. Fuck.

I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore. There is nobody in the house and it is so fucking desserted. Even my college. Fuck all the people. Where the hell are they? Life is so meaningless. I probably will take up my undang test next week, have to call up the lady on Monday. Fuck I hate everything. I want out. I need out. OUT!

!!HEADACHE!!

Urgh, I'm having a headache right now. I came back from the trip to KL yesterday night. My mom told me that Philippe called. I think he should be back in Manila by now. I'm kinda sad. I unpacked my stuff and then I came online just to send him an email telling him how I missed him. I really do miss him alot. More than any guys.

Well, the trip is okay. I bought clothes and I'm happy about it. Here are the list of things that I’ve bought:-
· DDA cd
· Dorothy Perkins earrings
· Wild Channel Hooded Sweater
· 3 T-shirts
· British India tank top
· British India Halter top
· 3 buttons and a Manson tag
· U2 stretchable tank top
· SEED tank top
· Radioactive Sling Bag

I bought them from various malls like KLCC, MidValley, BB Plaza, KL Plaza, Sungai Wang Plaza and Bintang Walk. It was quite an experience for me. I really enjoyed myself during the trip. I would love to go there once again if I have the chance. I got a wee bit tanned after the trip though. Heh. Did I say that I was sick and I have to sit for a test on Friday? Hmm. . .

BREED-All about it is a really cool program. Every episode features a different dog breeds and today it was about Great Danes. Despite the big size, they’re very friendly and emotional. Catch the program if you can, it’s on ntv7, every Saturday, 6.30pm.

My headache is probably because of the pressure and the imbalance of my hormones or imbalance of emotions. I tried to sleep but couldn’t. I guess there are just too much in my mind right now. On top of my mind right now is the purchasing assignment that I have to pass it up on this Thursday. Fucking hell.

Talking about it makes the headache even worse. I think I’m going to get some rest right now.

Take care peep.

Fell Sick & Dried Up

At this point of typing this, I am sick and the freaking weather is so fucking hot!! I’m sweating even I’m in my house. Eek! I just got back from consulting a doctor and I had my lunch. Oh no worries! I took my medicines already.. I think I got like 4 tablets, 2 teaspoons and ‘something’ to apply on my inner lip. The doctor is so nice and she offered me some medication to apply since the inner lip is a wee bit swell from the piercing that I had. It was a bit swollen since yesterday. Maybe, just maybe I’m allergic to Eugene? Oh yeah, I went to Eugene’s house yesterday. After my class, my friend and me went back to her place that happens to be in the same block as Eugene. As we were watching a movie, I sms him and so after that I went to his place since I don’t feel like going to computing class. I hung out at his place until 2pm then he dropped me in college. Cool! I get to sit in his car and go to his room and most of all, I’m friends with his dog name Winnie. :) well, I’d say that he isn’t that hospitable. Oh I popped the question of asking him out, he said yes!!!!! We might be going out next week or something for the movie triple X. hail Eugene, Vin Diesel and tattoos. Hehe. . .

I’m listening to Marilyn Manson’s Mechanical Animals burned by Eugene. I got this album for him as his pressie. Marvelous album indeed. I found out that he got his nipples pierced. Anyway I didn’t go to college today so I couldn’t exchange CDs with Ugin. Very sweet of him to actually sms me through the internet.
I will be going to KL tomorrow though and I will have to sit for a test on Friday. I will be very busy these days as assignments are coming in one big bundle. I really have to put myself together. Seems like these days I have lost my concentration and that I am not on my feet. Ahh! I have to do something about it.

Below are the albums that I’m going to exchange with Ugin.
· Slinky Factor 3
· Sophie Ellis Bextor & Delirium – Read My Lips & Poem
· Gatecrasher – The Karma 3
· Roger Sanchez – First Contact
· Lo – Firefighter
· HIM (His Infernal Majesty) – Razorblade Romance
· Diana Krall
· Incubus – Morning View
· System of A Down – Toxicity
· Cake – Comfort Eagle

Okay, I have to go and get some rest right now and pack my stuff.

Fucked! I just couldn't log into irc. argh whatever.. I feel so dead right now.
Why am I being so morbid anyway? Maybe it's the irony of things. Of life. No matter how many times I've told myself that it's time to move on, I fall back into this pit somehow. I guess it's the disadvantage of staying alone with everything so quiet except for the hustle and bustle of traffic jams.

OUR LADY PEACE -- "Somewhere Out There"

Last time I talked to you,
you were lonely and out of place.

You were looking down on me,
lost out in space.

Laid underneath the stars,
strung out and feeling brave.

Watch the riddles glow,
watch them float away.

Down here in the atmosphere,
garbage and city lights,
you gotta save your tired soul,
you gotta save our lives.

Turn on the radio,
to find you on sattellite,
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign.

All we are is all so far.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

Hope you remember me,
when you're homesick and need a change.
I miss your purple hair,
I miss the way you taste.

I know you'll come back someday,
on a bed of nails awake.
I'm praying that you don't burn out,
or fade away.

All we are is all so far

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there, oh.
You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity....

I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me,
the star that I can't see.
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling out of reach,
defying gravity,
I know you're out there,
somewhere out there.

You're falling back to me.

Well I know,
I know.

You're falling out of reach.

I know...

Paranoid

I'm feeling paranoid right now. Am feeling a bit tired as well. Wait! am I sober right now? Hmmmm... *wonders*
I *think* I am man!!! heheh...

I'm listening to Our Lady Peace.. seriously, it makes me paranoid. Makes me wonder about my current feelings. I LOVE their songs. I love the seafood that we had. Had a serious good time. I was laughing all the way from Penang Turf Club until Island Plaza.. hehehe my laughings made my friends laugh.. he couldnt even drive man! and when we were at Gottlieb traffic lights, the kiddo next door was looking at us.. lol... it was hilarious. I then went to Prima Tanjung there to some cafe named.. hmm i dont know man! hehehh oh asked Rommel to come out from netcity and i didnt really manage to see him but heck i dont know why i called him in the first place. he was wearing a baseball cap and the rest i dont know. i told you i wasnt sober!!!

I got home and then called my god bro.. after a while, his cell phone rang so he asked me to wait.. and then he changed his mind and said he'll call me back.. hehehh must be someone important than I am, I think.. oh well understandable-lah.

I am SO dead tired. I'm gonna crash soon. Before I'm gonna repeat 'Somewhere Out There' from OLP and drink a glass of milk. yummm......

Rushed

I bought about 6 cds yesterday night. Our Lady Peace rocks.. big time man, big time. Take my advice, that fragging album rocks. Go buy it. Me and some bunch of friends went to Ali, the mamak place yesterday, had a great time cranking up jokes and shit. Heheh. I couldn't come online because when I got home, I was tired so I straight went to bed.

What happened yesterday was okay. Nothing special. Bumped into Jasdev and I took his cell phone. I played around with his phone and found that that he still keep 2 sms that I sent him. I’m so evil. It was with me for an hour until he used his friend’s phone to call me and ask me back for it. Hung out with him in the cyber café and then I was late for Commercial Computing class a lil bit. But heh, I managed to catch up. Yay! :)
I had breakfast and lunch alone at the cafeteria. Three beauties of my class came over and asked me why I always eat alone. I thought it was a pretty pathetic question. What if I choose that I don’t want to join my friends, actually they went out to have lunch and I just refuse to because I just don’t feel like it. After they left, my Commercial Computing lecturer sat with another guy lecturer, she was sitting opposite of my direction, of course different table, I smiled at her but she never did smile at me. Hmm… ah well I guess she ain’t that friendly afterall.

Two days ago, I bumped into Eugene at the car park. My mom dropped me at the block C car park, I was looking out for his car but I couldn’t find it so I thought maybe he park his car elsewhere. So when I stepped out of the car I turned and ‘Wham!’ I saw him! I started cursing. Shittie shittie shittie. I thought I couldn’t bump into him by taking the first lift up before him but failed. We were in the same lift and we just ‘Hi’, that’s it. ARGH! A little consolation for me is that, the three buttons that I gave him as his bday present, he pinned them up on his pencil case. :)

Okay uh I gotha go right now. Have to go to college and then I’ll be going to Tambun to have seafood with some friends. I’ll blog later.

Pissed!

ARGH! Im typing this for the freaking second time. i'm at my college's cyber cafe right now. i was at another computer and then half way i have to go to the loo, okay so i went and then when i came back, shittie. two girls were hogging onmy computer man! fucked they closed up all of my windows including this one! which i was half way thru finishing my entry for today. fucked, they didnt even log out of my account. stupid. i dont know... something just struck my mind, i have been moody, full of angst lately. im thinking Silverchair and Our Lady Peace. yeah.

hmm Joe. i think i like him. im uncertain. he's far. he wouldnt let anything good happen to him. i think he would consider me as something which or rather who he wouldnt take seriously, something for fun, something just to kill time, something to take his mind away from things. maybe we start off with a bad impression, maybe we used the wrong method, i'd say at that time we have some urge to satisfy, yeah so that's why we're in this kind of situation right now. shit. he had always been nice to me. he cheered me up, made me happy, my quick fix doctor, my soul mate, someone who i can tell stuff to, basically we click quite well i would say. sigh! i dont know what else to say about him. pretty shittie. he's sweet, very funny and understanding kinda guy. maybe when i make the statement saying that i like him, maybe i was just vulnerable. being that you are prompt to give in easily. gees....

i had 2 to 3 guys beside me and they were playing pool online using yahoo i think. they were so fucking noisy and i hate it. i was trying to concerntrate on the things that i wanted to say but its just that they were distracting me. cursing and yelling at the same time, sheesh. oh who cares? they're not around anymore. bahhhh buckdish. oh yeah and now few guys are around me as well, of course they were talking but maybe i should say that you're not noisy, they're better than the few guys just now. eurgh.

there's something wrong with the mouse. it doesnt move to the direction that i really want. like out of control.

you know when you're feeling down, some really small little things would even bother you.

i called up Jasdev and then later on he dropped by here with a friend with a name, actually a nickname which i dont know at all. hmm weird maybe? anyway he's going to bring that friend around in college and coming back to see me in a while. hmm oklor. sigh im bored out.

oh yeah, yesterday i went out with a friend. first time meeting up actually, his name is MingChong. very smart looking and charming kinda fella. nothing special, we just wanted to meet each other thats all. had some coffee with him and we chatted all the way until he was about to meet up with his friends in Lost Paradise. overall we had a good time, or at least as far as i am concerned, i had a good time. :)

okay Jasdev is back with his friend but then he didnt come over.. hahaha like i care! lol just miss called my friend, EngMing who just came into the cyber cafe to have lunch and hehehehe... im so evil eh ;p

okay its official man, im totally, i mean TOTALLY bored out. shit. i feel like screaming now..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

yeah, uh-huh. i know im nuts. im crazy. so what, im fucked, i like it that way. who gives a shit? who gives a fuck? i dont give a fuck. ARGH BUCKDISH.

i think i'll sign off now. bummer. chao chao.

The Calling
Adrienne

I've been thinking about you, my love
And all the crazy things that you put me through
Now I'm coming around, Throwing it back to you
Were you thinking of me when you kissed him
Could you taste me when you licked his skin
All the while I showered you with trust and promises
What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you

[Chorus:]
Adrienne, I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me
Adrienne, I should have left you
Long before you used me, Used me up

Spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are
And I'll have the last laugh, when I see you walking with
some other guy
'Cause I know you're gone end up all alone
So take these words, some good advice
All you've done gonna come back twice
You never cared how much it hurt, I really need to tell you

[Chorus]

What I'm needing now's some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all that I had to give, but I could never reach you

[Chorus]

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And so my road can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might have been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
No no no no

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (words to say)
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be with you

Crestfallen

I am listening to Eminem’s latest album… uncensored! Yay!
Let me break the news, the gig was cancelled. Fucked. I still couldn’t believe it until I confirmed it with Eugene. Bloody hell, how could he ask me who I am?! Oh well anyway he said, police is going to raid or the police raided the place? I don’t know. Just a thought crossed my mind, maybe the organizer didn’t apply for license to have such gigs? Maybe.
I ended up having Bak Kut Teh with my mom. Tragic! LoL… on my way back home, Scott called me. Awwww screwed. Didn’t offer any explanation. Asked me how I’m doing and stuff. Sure I’m fine. I might be hurt but you wouldn’t know. Fact is I am hurt. Fucked couldn’t believe I said that. I’m so hurt. To think that I would be used to this by now. Maybe I should just kill the optimism in me just so I don't have to crash everytime I try to crawl back out of this hellhole I'm in. Thanks to him, I’m feeling daunted and jilted. I’m feeling nauseous as well. I don’t know what I’m suppose to feel anymore. And to be honest, I’d rather not think about that at the moment. Hell. I’d rather not think about anything right now.

Good night.

Jilted & Gulliable

reading the previous entry makes me laugh. Jasdev is funny.. well that's the least i can tell about him cuz i just got to know him recently and besides that, i did notice him when he first enrolled for my college, actually on the orientation day itself. hah! im SO observant, am i not? ;p yada yada yada...

Yesterday I attended my friend’s farewell party at his place. It was fun. We then went to Sega and chilling out there. I had tequila, the people at Sega.. urgh, bad service. Obviously if I did not say on the rocks or mix with cola or sprite, they should have known or at least the basic thing is to be on the rocks right? (am I making sense here? Hmm) well I just HAVE to ask them to add some ice and sprite for me, sheesh.
I thank Ted for dropping me back home, very sweet and nice fella. Also, a very good friend of mine :) On our way back, I told him that I’m depressed and I feel alone, he understood. Thank god for that. It’s just that I may seem to be hanging on a smile on my face and I may seem to be happy, but deep down, I may not be as happy as I am showing. Well maybe it’s just that I don’t want to burden anyone with anything, I don’t think everybody understands what I’m feeling, I wouldn’t be making any sense then right? Or you may say that I’m, looking for a quick fix, sometimes I call someone up and just wishes to talk to them, not my problems of course, just plain talk, that’ll help. You know sometimes you wake up and you suddenly feel so lost in your life and you started crying for no reason at all. Life can be unfair, Life can be lame, Life can be stagnant, maybe mine’s stagnant. Maybe I should be more optimistic, maybe… just maybe.

I'm still killing time, it's so fucking hot out there, I'm sweating man!! and I have got a gig to attend tonight. I'm still waiting for someone to drop me home, hopefully someone nice. Two of the usual gig-goer mates of mine, refused to, well that's shittie. I might ask Eugene... but I've got doubts. He'll be having exams at 4pm and when and how should I approach him and ask him that? He's my only hope. Now's the time I REALLY cursed myself for not having a driving license. Don't count on anyone. I still can't believe that friend ditched me. sort of. Shit.
Pondering of how am I going there now, waiting for a miracle. Maybe I'm waiting to get ditched again. I'm going there but with no one to go with. My usual girl gig-goer mate can't make it, i cursed. Shit. Hmmm.. now I'm thinking of Jasdev. heh. Dude, are you reading this?! *yells* HHEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPP!!!!!!!!!

Now I'm dead broke. I only got 3 bucks left in my purse and wondering how am I going to pay for the cover charge at the gig. I'm SO screwed. I think I'm going to get something to eat. I had some teddy bear cookies just now, tasty. I need something to chew on, my fridge, here I come!!

currently Jasdev is sitting next to me and staring at the screen because he has got nothing better to do other than making lame jokes.. heheh ;) -LikChuen
Jasdev wrote: The beauty queen Lik Chuen- she's sitting beside me too and well, she is more bored-der than me but the good thing is her jokes are lamer than me. Now she's givin excuse that's shes depressed? C'mon...she looks so hot and she's smiling with her Rm7.25 smile no one , i mean NO ONE can ever know she's depressed right? okay, im sick and my back hurts because i have to put my body in front to type this, please Lik, please take this keyboard away from me and "shove it up (put in your own words here) " - lik chuen..

Tell me where is the cave that the wise-woman went

And where's that money that I spent?

I propose a toast, to my self-control,

There it is, helpless on the floor.

Someday, they'll find a cure for pain,

And that's the day,

I'll throw my drugs away.

Morphine - [not sure about the song title] from the album - Cure For Pain