Eh? People called me up?

my college's open day today. i nearly forgot about it if it werent for alvin.i was sitting down nicely in my tv room, eating the two paus. Next, i was in my college wandering around. met my lecturers and talked to them. i could get my results around 17th dec <-- that sent chills down my spine. hehe. really worried about it.

i was at the cyber cafe checking out this page and then (alarmed!!) Jason's obnoxious msg.. grrr. he was on his way to gurun with his friends and Kev is coming back tonight, around 9 smth he's going to arrive at penang airport.

oh shitty! i just recalled that im surpose to go to this international dance competition... damn damn damn!

ler.. and its like orange for tonight. i dunno. im really tired lah.darn. and besides how come my butt hurts. its aching man. like too much walking?! the feeling is like when you overworked or smth.. hmm.. doubt that. oh what the heck.

i was at gurney just now, i've finally bought myself a book. its called "Prozac Nation". i think im going to love it!!! im so stingy lah.. lol. im having this financial crisis remember? so i was thinking twice.. actually thrice about buying that book. i'm like, frigging broke right now. argh!

listing:
> Alvin
> SueJane
> Jason
> my sista!
> Jasdev
> Santhanan
> Rishant
wow.. hotline man. i think i got like 37 bucks left on my phone and i was going on this sms marathon with jason who only write two lines in one damn sms. argh. really gets on my nerves.

totally out of the blue, i saw mohammad. kel's friend. eurgh. bastard.

thanks Rishant for the ride and call. you da man! now go find some solitude! ;p

okay, im cabuting to blow dry my hair get some h2o and get something to eat as my dinner.
have fun and have a great weekend. |m|

p.s. Cragie rocks man. check out the latest album - Slicker Than Your Average

i think i have finally shifted the menubar to the left... yay yay yay~ :))

It is a crime to love someone so unconditionally? I feel as tho I have been punished for daring to give my heart to someone. It’s almost like a slap on the wrist - I can even hear a voice going “I told you not to. Now look at what you’ve done. Silly, silly girl.”

I’m constantly battling it out every time I talk with him. There are so many things that I want to say but once I start actually typing the sentences that are beginning to haunt me, I stop, knowing that the only outcome will be confusion and sadness. I have even been reduced to venting out issues that are a huge part of my life right now to a computer. True, I have a few friends (really only two or three) that I feel semi-comfortable talking about these problems with, but even they are pushing me to move on when all I want to do is jump in his arms, and never leave his side.

Wishful thinking, huh? I seem to have the gift down pat.

Wakey wakey! Awkward wakey!

i was woken up by some barkings of my white fluffy dog and the cleaner lady's voice. dammit, who could it be in this very early morning while i try to get some good sleep? i thought to myself. whoever it is, im fcuking it off. i need my goddamn sleep man. fuck. with my hair all messed up and not to mention braless.. those two things dangling and wandering away while i looked over the balcony and it was my ex-neighbour. argh. what could he want in this early morning lah.
he wanted to borrow my camera but too bad, mine was spoilt. the next thing i know, i was rubbing my eyes and combing up my hair using both my hands and trying to stay awake. hoho.. he then asked me how was kalesh? gee man.. i told him what happened. according to him, he did the same thing to his ex as well. argh that heartless bastard. enough said abt him. worthless motherfucker.

aiyoh, feeling a lil bit hungry right now and quarter of me is sleepy although i've taken my shower. argh. now i need to cook something for myself. darn. can't skip breakfast then.

hmm i wonder why are those cars are arranged up in a line now. usually there won't be a jam in front of my house. hello! this is tanjung bunga man. hmm... ok! it's cleared now.

breakfast here i come. gonna watch a good movie too

peace out. |m|

[soundbites]
Craig David - Two Steps Back
Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi
U2 - Kite

Lil lil red spots, itchy..

although i am quite exhausted, i guess i am quite happy for today. i passed my fcuking test. yesssssssssssssss!!! :)

there. ain't a smirk.

really, i am happy. i tried really hard not to think about him and i've actually succeeded half of it. of course i gotha admit that i did think about him but what the heck, i dont miss him! sounded kinda cold eh? owh. i dont know.

okay so since i have not thought about him then i shouldnt even try to right now. correct?

instead.. im thinking of putra. how he drives his van, how he smiles.. really erm, sweet.. how he talk.. "Hmmmm?" blardy hell.

hmm i smell something is cooking downstairs. hah i think my mom is cooking some supper for herself. aww.. perhaps i could just pop by or whine abt being hungry then she might gimme some. hehe ;)

i'm so addicted to norah jones. im feeling all very jazzy right now, no doubt. first thing i did after i came back was to take a shower to refresh myself and then switched on the computer and listen to her and of course online to download her songs and post up this entry.

oh, i went to batu feringghi just now, bbq gathering. with my juniors. they're all happy happy people. :) i love the sands and basically the beach. they soothes me i guess. the beach, the wind, the breeze, the sunlight, the dawn, the water, the sand.. the guys! lol. its just something about nature that i cant explain but one thing's for sure, the sun burned my skin and turned red. i still love the beach. oh oh and i've made friends with Joti and Jojo.. the female dog, um, bitch and the son, the male dog. um, yeah ok, son of a bitch? agh.. hehe paiseh paiseh.. Jojo is really cute and everytime running around being really active and jealous when i gave some bones or food to his mom. he's only two and a half month's old! and he's one cute and whitish fluffy doggie. Joti, however, means 'light' in tamil or smth, is very protective over me and my friends or rather her territory. she'd bark at the strangers and being around you so that i could pat her on the head. before i left, i gave her a pat on the head and told her that im leaving. hehe. :)
we were taking some pictures and we simply just asked this one guy to take it for us and he happened to be one of the chinese guys at the state camp last year. or was it two years back? not sure lah. well anyway he was doing this contract with the government to play football in the junior team. pretty cool huh? he's going to do sports science. we had a good time catching things up with him. very nice fella.
funny that i'm *surposed* to take off some garments off my body cuz i made them searched for my K, which is actually my criket hard-to-find black and gold in color lighter.i love that thing. i was looking for it and then when i've finally given up and then trying to reach out for my fags which happened to be in my pockets. i excused myself and made them listen to my announcement then they were all booing at me. hehe.. sorry folks! thank god i found my K.. *holding it close to my heart and smirk*
oh and red box this sunday!

argh i have mosquitoes all over me!
bad news.. been too engrossed in writing stuff and downloading songs that my mom is already up in her room. dammit. no supper. i need to get h2o.. need loads of it.
my hair still smells nice though i just came back from bbq and i was the one who lighted the fire charcoal and shit without having to use the starter or some words which is appropriate for that shit. oh anyway... i feel so tired now and i havent been getting enough sleep esply yesterday. was kinda nervous abt the test actually.

oh those two buggers have not replied my sms.
Alvin! are you going to perform at the gig? is it confirmed? can ya get me the contacts of the person in charge? i've got friends who are keen to perform at youth invasion 2.
KengYip! dude, just wondering if you have finished listening to the original albums that i've borrowed you? if yes, do u mind if i get them back by the end of the week or around next week?

[soundbites]
Norah Jones - Come Away With Me
Norah Jones - Don't Know Why
Marilyn Manson - Coma White
Marilyn Manson - Tainted Love

p.s. Kev.. can ya design a layout for me? pwetty pwease? just look at my gaddamn blog page. its ordinary and its messed up, not to mention that its cacat looking. lol. hopeless eh? i'd treat you!! :D

i have been shitting ever since i woke up this morning. argh. adui! sakitnya! :D

"heyy.. i feel like lying down on your chest and hug you for a very long time till both of us fall asleep. i wish i could cuddle up with you now and just be with you.." shoosh, he called me up using her phone. oh wtf man. i doozed off with anger and disappointment. life is so unfair.

i've decided to switch off my phone till now. i dont care. i dont need anyone. im all by myself and no one else. i am with me. i dont need sympathy. leave me a alone. i've decided to forget this whole thing.

im going to read a book. hmmm.

"what is it with you and indian guys?" - ouch! i'd say.
i'm sure that this guy sounded like dez. dez is someone who doesnt really like me the way i am therefore criticize me and i sense there will be more statements and critics to come from this guy. not good.

so kalesh called me up. its just that everytime we're on the phone, it hurts so much that i wanted to keep the conversation short and i want to have him all by myself. sound selfish but that's one of the rules when you're in a relationship dammit. i just couldnt stand it when he mention about her. what is it with men these days huh? are they all out of their minds? i feel very sad right now. had coupla drops of tears came running down my cheek.
he read the sms to me "im looking at the stars right now. they're so beautiful. i'm thinking of you now."
argh agrh argh, i thought to myself. i could just blurt out 'cool' to him.
"i'm going to crash you one day. i'm going to crush you. i'm going to bang you." what kind of saying is that? i dunno.
obviously something's wrong here. do you see it?
i cut the conversation short. since he's having headache and i told him that im reading a book which im actually not doing that. i was pondering and... well, nothing. he wasnt feeling too happy about it. he thought i was avoiding him or smth. bah! gosh. i felt like dying now.

can someone just fcuking understands me now? not even my mom does. she aint giving me space to breathe. nags. yeah.

i feel so angry. i'm living in coma black.

had a fag and im going to have the last one for today then bed time. Zzz..

Coma Black

My mouth was a crib and it was growing lies
I didn't know what love was on that day
my heart's a tiny bloodclot
I picked at it
it never heals it never goes away

I burned all the good things in The Eden Eye
we were too dumb to run too dead to die

This was never my world
you took the angel away
I'd kill myself to make everybody pay
This was never my world
you took the angel away
I'd kill myself to make everybody pay

I would have told her then
she was the only thing
that I could love, in this dying world
but the simple word of "love" itself
already died and went away

Her heart's bloodstained egg
we didn't handle with care
it's broken and bleeding
and we can never repair

ahh just came back from some sort of bday bash thingy. had quarter of a blast. still waiting for my hair to dry actually.

thank god i bumped into andrew. you the man andrew! hellavu.

Still confused

I’m going through a dilemma now. Surprisingly, I’m still alive as a virgin! Hah. Queen of the Stone Age. Yeah. Alvin’s birthday today. Went gurney with Michelle first, tried to make her feel better. She bought a nize pressie for santhanan and asked me to pass it to him. Middle-person yeah. I get to buy cards and stuff. Bought a George-of-the-jungle tank top and *gasp* handbag. Got Juliana a piggy as well. Real pink cutie with Christmas hat and dangly ribbons around the neck. Met up Rishant then bumped into V, talked cock *and* advice then met up with bday boy buddy. Ah, then whole bunch of I-don’t-know-who people came rushing in, including valent and yik chun. I should be boozing @ sega but declined it. Fucking enough of PR for one day. Sick. Fags for life man, fags for life. :)

Pesta tonight? Nah. Traffic jams. Boring. Crowds. Tiring. Gee, had my mom yelling at the phonebills. Shoosh. My fault, yeah, again. Bloody hell.

Before this whole thing, Kalesh came by the house. Bought me breakfast – char koay teow. Eek! No tau geh (bean sprout), no meat… it’s like ordering char koay teow without koay teow. Wtf?! Had a few bites then that’s it.

Dammit. Those fucking stoners maybe getting drunk right now. Need a fag.

I’m so troubled that I’m totally lost and I sucked. Sigh.
This friggin pimple on my tongue is not fading away. Gosh I wish I could just fade away.
V was telling me how stupid I am and come to think of it, I guess I am. Should’ve just fuck off like that. I felt terrible now. EURGH…

Okay, I’m fucking off now to get my abnormal feckin sleep. Fuck it. Anyone who fucking wake me up or fucking bothers me gonna fucking get lost and fucking die. Fucks all.

[soundbites]
Nirvana – You know you’re right
Foo Fighters – All my life

Which Him?

I was telling Miranda that my love life is coming back to me. Surely I don’t know what the heck I mean by that. Its more like he’s coming back to me or I’m going back to him. Hell, I’ve got no idea what’s gotten in me. Part of me is saying that I deserve all these including him while the other part of me is telling me that I’ve won the game. Gosh. Basically half of me meant good while the other is the opposite way around. I even thought that I can live without him, I could forget him in no time. Aw, Fucks. Unpredictable.

At first, I was telling myself he ain’t worth it and she ain’t worth it as well, so fuck them all and get on with my fucking life. Fuck it. The next thing I know, I’m on conversation with him. Shitz. The shit-ier part is he said he loves me. God. That came as a surprise and it stung like a bee. I got to admit that I still likes him and I’m attracted to him. The feeling won’t die off in me so easily. Just like Putra. Gosh I miss him.

dammit. no idea why Putra aint talking to me. i was looking through the things that i wrote, my archieves and then i reliased such a sweetie he was and i actually missed him. i just fucking wonder why he dont want to even talk to me as a friend at least! fucks. eveyrtime i see him online, i just wished that he could just talk to me. just need someone to talk to, i dont think im asking for much, am i? sheesh.

oh and Kalesh called me up. planning away on his trip to kuantan and kl. sheesh. i dont know . im so freaking confused about things going on right now. dammit i need some good advice. i need a crystal ball!

[soundbites]
Marilyn Manson - Tour of '98 (Live!)

Taunted

My eyes were still so bright as if it's yearning to shine through the night for that someone special. Yeah, as if. Loneliness took me over completely, letting me feel ever so alone inside. If only he's with me now. I would hold him close to me and kiss him passionately through the night wishing he's never have to leave me again. I am thinking about him a lil now. At times like this, love and comfort are the things that come in handy. It seems for me I have no hope in this. Sigh.

I nonchalantly picked up a book which is around 4x6 inch and the point is, I'm trying to forget the fact that I'm feeling alone and a lil depressed. So I drown myself in that book. Damn. It didn't help much after reading a few pages. buckdich. Tess is so lucky to have Mac making sweet love to her. I never wish to that kind of level but at least, they are together.

Shittie. I'm starting to recall all the moments that I've spent with him. Oh gosh! Las ketchup song and then Mak Minah on the radio.. don't think I can handle this.

Al came over last night and were hanging out somewhere hillside. ahhh, fags for life man. :) had a great time catching up on some old times and future. neat. ah then bumped into him online. chat his heart away in chat request. yeah Al and his chat request. not to mention his morbid mind. Vinnie... buddy, you gotha get the pessimistism outta your system man. you need motivational talks man. try earl nightingale or norman vincent peale.

Peng suddenly called me on my cell and i was in the shower. damn man. bad timing. hmm the fella's rather cute. 25 year old but then still act like a 18 year old.. such a baby boy. hehhe.. lets just hope that he doesnt get to see this entry. hehe. ;)

Ling called me up while they're all in kl. heheh.. i smell pressie. can't want to hang out with them again. damn i miss 'em.

hah. Kel called me on my cellphone.. heheheh I'm on the phone with Kalesh. ;)
"the fact is, I'm falling for you. i've missed you a lot."
this is the most blur person that i've ever met. giving me description like, 'on my left i have the almighty likki and on my right i have her. i've promised her that i wont hurt her.' oh. stuff like that.
he asked me why a, i talking to him and why am i not talking to her? i dont know.
according to him, she's hurt. hell yeah tell me about it eh?
that's it lah. im not going to talk about this shibby in my blog. -n-
need a fag.. 8-)

[soundbites]
Sugababes - Stronger
Michelle Branch - Goodbye to You
Matchbox 20 - Disease

Stronger by Sugababes
I'll make it through the rainy days
I'll be the one who stands here longer than the rest
When my landscape changes, re-arranges
I'll be stronger than I've ever been
No more stillness, more sunlight
Everything's gonna be all right

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be

+chorus+
I'm all alone
And finally I'm getting stronger
You'll come to see
Just what I can be
I'm getting stronger

Sometimes I feel so down and out
Like emotion that's been captured in a maze
I had my ups and downs
Trials and tribulations
I overcome it day by day
Feeling good and almost powerful
A new me, that's what I'm looking for

I know that there's gonna be a change
Better find your way out of your fear
If you wanna come with me
Then that's the way it's gotta be

+chorus+

I didn't know what I had to do
I just knew I was alone
People around me but they didn't care
So I searched into my soul
I'm not the type of girl that will let them see her cry
It's not my style
I get by
See I'm gonna do this for me

+chorus+

Endless Pain

As I lie down on my bed, my body is darn tired, trying to sleep but my mind is protesting. I tossed and turned for hours, I can still feel the stinging pain and bitterness in my tongue and my soul. I’m trying really hard not to think about it, but I failed. All along I have kept it to myself. My body is trembling with fear and uncertainty. Sorrow takes over me totally when I talked to Ted. Started to cry and the more I think about it, I feel disgusted and cheated. One is someone who I’m dating and the other is a friend. My eyes are all sore again. Once I close my eyes, the whole scene s playing all over again. Ted told me to confront one of them. How? I thought to myself. I am totally shocked and horrified. I chickened out. I feel useless. It might be true that I’m afraid of what will be the reactions. Dammit. I can remember vividly how he smells like. Gosh. I’m in pain as I’m broken into pieces.

I should have known what he’s trying to pull. I should have known man. Fuck it. I can’t stop blaming myself. Yes. I get myself fooled again. I’ve done another stupid mistake. Darkness and loneliness is where I belong. There’s no room for light because it’s all bullshit. Why this has to happen to me? Its happening again. Dammit. I don’t know what to do now. Should I just let him go and do nothing? Should I still be friends with them? Shucks, I need a sign. May I be strong to go through this as I tell myself. Be strong, Lik Chuen. Be strong...

[soundbites]
Life - Our Lady Peace
Goodbye - Natalie Imbruglia
By Your Side - Sade

Which Avril Lavigne Song Are You?

oooo.. momma! check out that lip. damn girl. :)



ahhh cooler!

What
kind of clothes should I be wearing? by Evelyn

riiiiiiight... like i give a damn about it.

neway Kalesh called me up just now using his friend's phone. asking me to go ss tonight. ahhh.. Jen's going as well and staying over at my place. Hmmmm...