I'm bored.


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Wowzer.




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I am having my ice-kacang right now. Hehehe. Delicious!

I went to Times bookstore just now and I just couldn’t lay my hands on Tone mag. Dammit. The dorky and ignorant store assistant was a drag. Did the manager pay him to walk around the store and being surplus to requirements? Bastard retard.

In the end I bought myself an Archie’s double digest comic. I got to finish up "Prozac Nation" before I proceed to another book with 746 pages.

Oh I got my hands on my brother’s Auto Catalogue of 2000 with hard cover yesterday. Loads and loads of cars, may it be MPV, sports car, 4x4, convertible, station wagon, jeep or whatever, it’s all there. It’s so cool! And when I was on my way back from Penang Plaza, somewhere in front of one-stop, I spotted one really really cool car. Automatically I exclaimed ‘Wowee! Sexy lines!’ and all the pain of my stomachache were gone. The car number plate is PER 133 and I’ve got no idea what car that was until I saw the word ‘Maserati’ written at the back of the car. Goddamn! It's a Maserati 3200 GT.

Went for a foot massage to cure my still swollen ankle with my mum and bumped into someone notorious from my high school and she was with two nuns. Rumor has it that she likes this nun. Jeepers. Yes sir, she is a girl, ahem, I mean lesbian.

Rishant came by my house just now. Before that I went to Island Plaza to let loose. Don’t get me? I was having Goosebumps all over me. Later on, I got myself a Coffee Bean’s Sunrise ice blended. Jon is working there and today is his first day, that’s why I’m there. Hehe.

Hsin was right opposite my house just now. She was with her family to get some pottery I assume so she called me up just now. I wonder if Dennycia is back from the trip to Langkawi.

I still have 4 bucks left on my cell and I seriously need to top it up since it expires on the 4th of Jan 2003.

Fags man. I need fags. *wobble wobble*

+ A +

I got a letter from my college and that is the grade that I got for my LAN1005 and I am SO happy. heheh. It's a freaking morale anyway! :p

I msged Jason just now and this is what I wrote. Pathetic.
Alright. You take care ok? Just checking up on ya. Have a great weekend. :) missed ya! nitenite.
*shrugged* I sounded like I am his momma or gf or smth. sheesh!

I just love the way my hair sways and falls on my shoulders. They’re so lovely! as you can see, I ain't having a bad hair day and they stay put. They’re so beautiful when the wind blows they follow the rhythm and dance with them. They’re alive! :) Oh and they smells nice too. I like to twist them and smell them. Lovely.

Ahhhhh.. It still drizzles a bit. I wish I could just enjoy this moment with someone special. I need to spread love and get it out of my system a lil.

Hah and I guess that explains why I wrote that kind of sms to Jason. eek!!

Since I was so bored out in the evening, I manicured my nails and they look pretty and shiny. ;)

I’ve watched the repetition of survivor 6, Erin Brockavich, a walk to remember and LOTR 2. Nothing much about survivor, they were just reviewing and revealing. Next season will be on the Amazon.
Erin Brockavich was very inspiring and intense. The same thing goes to a walk to remember. heheh.. I was so touched that I cried a lil. Gosh!! LOTR 2 was amazing. And some reviews have been made and they're quite true. heh. Arogorn's greasy hair and slow motion, Legolas who got all the cool moves and etc.

I hate mosquitoes!

Now I wanna go out and feel the rain again. Yes!

I’ve been quite pale these days and I’ve got dark circles and eye bags under my eyes. sheesh. Who cares anyway? I’m still here online. fcuk.

Dancing In The Rain

Yesterday and today was gloomy. It’s like the world has slowed down a bit. It drizzled a bit as a bonus and the wind blew. I felt very calm and very cozy. There are wonders around me.

I pretty much stayed at home and do nothing.

When I got home around 9 something from the Christmas BBQ party yesterday, I got a sms from her asked me out tonight to go clubbing with her. Hell no. I didn’t reply and she called when I was having my dinner and she wanted to borrow some vcds which I didn’t even buy them and then hung up. I couldn’t be bothered. As I thought about it, who knows if she is trying to find out if I’m out with her boy since his boy is out somewhere. It doesn’t make sense at all. By the way he used to be MY boy anyway! Humph.

What the hell man. According to him, she feels insecure when I’m around and now she comes around asking me to go clubbing with her? Ah, fishy yet dodgy.

This is another story and it happened yesterday night.
A workaholic and someone with empty promises who called me up while I was online. He is such a jerk. I just despise the half way conversation.

I’m listening to my Craigie. I got his album as xmas pressie. That’s not all. I got myself a Nike cap, funky dangly earring and a white fluffy soft toy. :) Hmm. It’s still drizzling! I am feeling happier.

I’m going to take a long shower and feel all nice and refreshed.

Another 4 days to go before a brand new year comes along. Welcome 2003!

[soundbites]
Jazzanova – Bohemian Sunset & Higher

Merry Christmas

gosh, it's been more than 10 times i've sneezed since 40 minutes ago.

look at the weather now. it's christmas and it's incredibly freaking hot. how come christmas doesn't falls on autumn? it must be awesome. heheh, i simply love it when autumn comes. :)

yesterday was a blast at my buddy's place. i've finally retired from being a santarina successfully. i got a pac of xmas merci chocolates, Axxezz neckalce in red, a lighter with this ability to check whether the cash note is genuine or not, a glow in the dark stick, a pair of miniature cups and another one is remain wrapped until tonight's party. hah, im not allowed to open it yet.

and what did i give away?
a zippo lighter with the refil to Vinnie.
a white fluffy teddy with angel wings and magic wand which can animate according to the music put in lovely lace's box wrapped with ribbons for Dennycia.
a Nike shirt for Rishant.
a piggy with christmas hat and ribbons to Juliana.
two hair ties from Maggie T for SLing.
an imported desktop calender of kittens to Hsin.
an imported belt from Italy for WS.
a scented candles for exchanging gifts.
half a pack of mild seven lights to fellow faggers. heheh..

got home around 4.05am and slept at 4.30am and guess what i woke up at 10.30am thanks to my cousin sister. goddamn. i am REALLY thinking of getting her a husband and marry her off. i dont mind being her matchmaker though. she gets on my nerves a lot. she even kira with me when it comes to breakfast. oh no worries, i shall go and get it myself.

tried to go back to sleep later on but then i was tossing and turning and watching the tv at the same time. the only time that i got some rest was during commercials. oh, i got my hands on some vcds so i could watch it today until its time for party. hehe.

> Sze Wei > Hsin > Kam > Audrey > Tze Ming > Jasdev > Leowania > Jean Yee > Kel (haha) > Prem (hahaha)

hmm planning for 31st December and i still need ideas.

i still refuse to wish Kel. fuckhead. Ppddddtt :p

lastly, i need to get some sleep before i head for the next party or else zombie will come and take over me. gonne get some water to quench my freshly fagged throat. oh and Tone mag.

oh MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone. :p
ho ho ho.. ps. i could be santa clause the female version cuz ive been so stuffed with food from yesterday's party.

Cheers! *sneezed!*

wow.

Passed :)

I went to college today and I am so delighted that I have passed all my subjects! YIPPIE!!!!!
ps. saw Eugene's car and the man himself in the library while I was passing by. Noticed his hair has grown longer. Hmm, he looks weird. *funny face*

and I have bought everything that I needed to for xmas. pressies and a plain santa hat which costs rm3.90 and I have decorated it with a button saying 'am I cool?' and two cherry dangly thingy and two diamond shaped earrings which my dad bought for me in Holland when I was little. haha, finally I could put them into good use cuz they're in red. *cheesy smile*

at Axxezz I saw one really cool bohemian like bracelet which costs rm59.90!! whoahhhh.. what a waste that I couldn't get it cuz I was broke from the pressies hunting. :(

now I want this entry to be happy happy like so I won't mention anything the opposite. heh.

Tomorrow I'm going to deliver all the pressies to my friends and then to this potluck cum bbq pre-xmas party. Yay~ it's going to be fun, fun, fun.. (I sound corny right?)

okay, enough for today, gotha give my tired body, mind and soul a break.

by the way before I forget. here's the scoop.

--|| ROCK THE WORLD 3 ||--

Date : 31st December 2002
Time : 3pm till late
Tickets : RM20, RM50 (inclusive of the Xtreme insurance coverage, 2 drinks and 2 lucky draw tickets), RM100 (inclusive of the Lifestyle insurance package, 4 drinks and 4 lucky draw tickets)
Venue : TA Carpark. Jalan Law Yee Swee (Off Jalan P. Ramlee, near KLCC), Kuala Lumpur
Performers : Tempered Mental, Soft Touch, Pick Cell, Pop Shuvit, Lo, Nervewreck, Flop Poppy, Naked Breed, Disagree, Koffin Kanser, Seven Collar T-shirt, Singletrackmind, Gerhana Ska Cinta, OAG, Love Me Butch, Butterfingers and Damn Dirty Apes.

reminder : SUPPORT LOCAL MUSIC SCENE.
this gig is going to be a hell of an experience and to be remembered among fellow musicians and supporters. Rock on! |m|

[soundbites]
Kruder & Dorfmeister - Black Baby & Liquid Lounge

Santarina Alert! *vain*

Whew! Such a hectic day today. Went to pragin mall and it was so jam packed. Crowds.. crowds.. crowds.. Gosh, I’m having a slight headache right now. I got Alvin a pressie already and I bought an anklet thinking that I might give it to either Hsin or Dennycia. Hmm. *scratch scratch*

Shant called me up asking for help. He asked me ideas of pressie for Ted and Ming. Kind of funny and it was sort of like a late and chaotic shopping for both of us. Shite! I just recalled that I forgot to buy the Christmas hat and pressie for Shant. Owh!

I went in and out of Laconic for twice I think and I spotted this really REALLY smashing necklace. The necklace itself is stainless steel and the pendant is made out of this tinted glass and its ring is made out of pure silver, they’re three pendants with the necklace. It’s very fashionable in Japan. The color ranges are orange, yellow and green. The others are reddish and bluish. But the thing is that it’s so fucking expensive! It costs rm71.20 after discount. Hmm, I like it a lot and since I’m in search of a really cool necklace so I think that this might add in my collection of accessories. I got to go back and get it. Aim : Burn a hole in my pocket this festive season! *Wobble*

Oh in a week’s time, I could go back to pragin and go to this newly opened tattoo & piercing cum mini record store and get my manson posters.
Rock on!! |m|

oh and get a proper plug for my stretching for god's sake!!

I slept around 3am yesterday morning and got up at 8am. Jasdev and Vinnie came by my house since I can’t make it to ‘Trees’ and hung out till 2 something. I introduced them to Kruder & Dorfmeister, Jazzanova, Apocalytica and lent Vinnie my Smashing Pumpkin live in Canada back in 1997.

By the way, Kalesh called me just now. telling me shits like she feels insecure because of me?! fucks. Why did he even bother to call me while he's afraid that I might tell her that he called? Why he even bothered? Why?? oh yeah merry christmas to you too and he hung up. I assumed that she called. oh whatever... *roll eyes*

Okay, the headache is coming back to me now. Urgh! I better scram and wrap up the pressies. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ I feel like I’m a Santarina! Yay! :)

[soundbites]
Gamma Ray – Heavy Metal Universe (Powerplant)
Disturbed – Darkness & Prayer (Believe)
Disturbed – Shout 2000 (The Sickness)

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the Best. --Frank Zappa

hehe. ;)

Holly Baby!!!

Holly Valence is *SO* fecking sexy! :)

here's another sexy creature.

What sexy girl are you?
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My friends came across this jelly cum ice-cream which is totally smashing. you let it melt for a bit and viola! it's in the form of jelly. it's bouncy and juicy. i simply love it!

I substitude fag with rocky sometimes. Now for isntance, I have fagging urge and I take rocky instead since malaysia doesnt fecking have nicotine base chewing gums. by the way rocky is the biscuit stick which is coated with either chocolate or strawberry.

I haven't taken Pringles in ages and I finally bought it today. Yeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!! :)
Try and go to 7-11, they dont even have pringles. darn it.

Hmm I still need to get pressies.

Miranda, if you are reading this. I hope you are feeling better already. Be strong, be safe and be happy. Listen to the guy who sings those happy happy songs. (I forgot about his name, sowee!) Chill baby! :)

Twisted Fucktards

See how weak I am? By the first step of the stairs, I broke down and cried very hard. Blame my dad and mom that I’m in this miserable stage. I inhaled the smoke of menthol fag into my lungs and painted it black. I kicked away my normal self and be all depressed. I have never been so degraded in my life. Why do I have to live in debt and always be grateful? It’s such a burden to me. I want out in this wasteland. I surrender in pain and weakness that I could not fight. My batteries have run out and I’ve decayed. I couldn’t stand up and I could only feel the numbness of my entire being.

I remember the last time I cried was more or less a month ago. See how useless I am? See how weak I am? Why this came back and haunts me? I’m always lost and the miseries keep on haunting me. I can’t do anything about it.

It was like an hour ago that I was sober and normal but then I tripped and fell on my soul. Scars and wounds are the things that are left for me to feel its pain as I lie here as if I’m dead to cry and cry and cry…

[soundbites]
Everclear – Wonderful
Everclear – Rock Star

I came across this poll of results for the year of 1999. Yepp, I know it's a wee bit old but heck, it's all worth the information. I didn't know Lyme and Spunky Funggy have been on the scene since 1999.
Strictly for malaysians only who are interested in local acts.

1999 Underground Polls

best band- Spunky Funggy
best vocalist- Javier (Lyme)
best guitarist- Keng Lee (Charlotte Dreams/ Killcycle)
best bassist- Azlan (Spunky Funggy)
best drummer- Ihsan (Custom Daisy)
best live band- Custom Daisy
best released recording- Smile for the Revolution (Spunky Funggy)
friendlist band- Spunky Funggy
most original band- Lyme
best gig of 1999- Halloween Gig
best new band of 1999- Nervewreck
best song of 1999- Satisfied (Custom Daisy)

Kudos to all the winners.

Tree of Pain

It was like sawdust, the unhappiness: it infiltrated everything, everything was a problem, everything made her cry – school, homework, boyfriends, the future, the lack of future, the uncertainty of future, fear of future, fear in general – but it was so hard to say exactly what the problem was in the first place.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, it seems only right that you keep on trying but in the end, you know it’s all worthless. At that time, you keep on telling yourself that it is only for the best that you try but how many of us actually realized that you’re only living in denial?

However, if you are lucky enough, you’ll have people who care for you reaching out or you. But if you’re the opposite way around, I guess you’re just like me. Sadness and the constant why will be haunting you everyday of your life.

Blame it on parents who brought us into this world and left us wandering through our lives without guidance and much care or affection. It’s plain paranoid.

I get so depressed at the fact that the human species have to be dependent on love. Feelings of pain, depression, sadness, loneliness, weakness, misery and sometimes suicidal occurs which can make you go berserk and even reach the stage of infinity. So why bother? Now I have the other part of me saying that it’s the greatest thing on earth and which at some point I do agree with and never deny that it brings smiles and wonderful things along the way.

I am still in search of myself. I’m confused and therefore I am depressed. I can’t tell you what drink that I like the best but I sure know that h2o is good for you or at least my parents or rather all of our parents tell us that it’s all good.
Point is, are we actually who we want ourselves to be? Do these elements like culture, upbringing, religion and beliefs affect the building of a character? Do they have to be part of ourselves in order for us to be the person that we want ourselves to be?

I guess I’m just so depressed that I’m starting to wander about everything.

Boredom strikes my soul like an arrow with a bow.

[soundbites]
Michelle Branch – Goodbye To You
Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi
Jazzanova – The Remixes 1997-2000

LOTR

hehe. ;)
it's showing in the cinema today!

Hook Ups

Pathetic if you may say but I was hooked on the phone with KengYip. Not just a brief conversation, it lasted for two freaking hours. Wowzer. We hardly talks on a daily basis, we may see each other on a daily basis but we surely don’t really talk to each other. He’s a classmate of mine and he’s weird in his own way and he has got his own way of thinking and doesn’t believe in wasting money. He’s also a computer nerd; yes someone who wears dorky specs and one of the smart asses in class. I think he’s cool and he has got individuality.

Ahak. Around quarter past 2 a.m. Damien called me up. I had a good time confusing him and making fun of my intellect while I challenge his ability to explain and elaborate. We talked about dreams, dogs, education, rain, sungai petani and penang.

I feel so stoned right now. My heart is telling me that there’s something missing but I don’t know what it is. Not having the slightest clue of what it is or in whatever form it’s in. But one thing for sure is that I have been having this urge to shit. Hmm.

It was said that when you pierced, that ‘hole’ is an open wound and that is why you have to take good care of it during the healing process. The reason why you have to wear earring which is made of surgical steel, gold, titanium, white gold or acrylic material and sterilize them before you put it on. The same goes to the needle that you use to pierced on the desired area.

Well anyway the point is I guess the piercer who did my previous piercing wasn’t that hygienic, that’s why it’s not healing properly. Besides that, I have to sleep on it because it’s on my upper right cartilage and once in a while I have some breathing difficulties so I can’t sleep on my left. Anyway I went and pierce it with Kalesh so I guess it's a symbol of me saying bye bye to him and I guess I have the intention to forget him.

It is rather difficult to take care of cartilage piercing compare to earlobe because it’s your soft bone. Therefore it’s either you can get it done properly or you’ll loose the piercing. I have never given up any piercings of mine unless it had closed up by itself or accidentally. For instance, if it closed up partially, I will still poke it through no matter what. So far, if I’m not mistaken, including this one that I just lost yesterday morning, it all summed up to three. One on my lip, another one on my upper left cartilage and this recent one which is my right cartilage respectively.

I wonder what most people will do for Christmas and on the 31st Dec.
Hmm.

Oh by the way Rock The World III is on the 31st and I WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dammit, Lo is going to perform and loads and loads of local acts will be performing. This time is without the the tarik crew. Thank god!

[soundbites]
Seven Collar T-Shirt – Freeway, Dreaming & Broke
Ministry of Sound – Bangkok

BACK!

I am back.

For the past two weeks I was so called grounded. Phone line was barred and I was sick like a pig. I have not been using my mind and it’s starting to rut. I feel like I have a lot of ramblings to say but sometimes I am just so freaking lazy and whenever I really try to get it out of my mind, I stopped. Knowing that I will end up like a ‘depresso’. So what is the point?

So here’s the stuff that I’ve managed to write down just in time before the laziness in me revived.

9:47am. I’m up and I cant go back to sleep. Yesterday I was out at night, it was quite late though. My friend, Kam and I went to sega and intended to see V as well but he wasn’t there because he was having his day off. How could I forget? It was Monday and he usually has his Monday off. Rum and coke and plenty of fags were what I had yesterday. I needed those shit. The kick kicked in and I was feeling placid and mellow. I’m thankful that I have Kam as my good friend and still keeping in touch.

When I picked up the phone yesterday, it was barred. Dammed. My mom didn’t pay the bill. So I couldn’t go online and I was playing solitaire the whole day even when I sleep I still have images of it running in my mind. Darn. I bet no one can beat me. Haha. I have no life man. So anyway here’s my best three ranking followed by the time –
7620 (101)
7330 (104)
7095 (107)

Challenge, anyone?

Whenever I close my eyes and I tried to go to sleep, I will have images of it playing it over and over again. Damn. Clubs, diamonds, hearts, red, black… Owh, I’m feeling dizzy already.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I heard the latest single from Queen of The Stone Age and I thought it was some Malay or Indian song. Yikes! Believe it or not. Funny.

Whenever my mom comes back home, there will be arguments and lots of noise. I dislike it when it happens. After one whole day of peacefulness and boredom, at the end of the day do expect some noise that’s going to pollute your mind and brain. I may not be having brain cancer because of lithium after 18 years, well maybe some side effects but I sure will get really angry and pissed by the constant naggings. It pretty much gets on my nerves if you ask.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have the room all to myself for couple of days. Yes. I got back in touch with Joe. He is such a sweetie and sensitive darling. Haha. He loves tribal tattoos as well. He’d cheer me up and I’d start giggling about his obscene jokes. He must be tired because he was running through my mind all day. I mean days. I feel comfortable talking to him. Well that is if he is not trying hard to be sexy. It’s really funny. I noticed that he has changed. It’s a good thing. I can’t stand being around someone who’s insensitive. I’m seeing stars whenever we talk and both of us just love pillow talk. He is such a charmer.


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have been having endless insomnia. Gosh, I hope it’s not that serious or else I could be in trouble. My skin breaks out and dry and both my arms are feeling much worn out because of some exercise that I did yesterday. VERY surprising huh?

I could just get up and thought of doing some make up. Yikes, what’s wrong with me? I have been having some urge to go clubbing as well but I feel some emptiness, like something is missing. I just can’t describe it. Did I mention that I have this fantasy running in my mind as well? I guess my mind is so empty that it began to fantasize? Maybe.

Today is the first day of Hari Raya and my friend Johan is having this open house and I’m invited! No, I didn’t go but instead I’m at home, stuck here doing nothing but playing spider solitaire again. Damn, I sure have no life. I’m fucking bored. And listening to the 35 songs playing over and over again is not helping much as well. Prozac Nation? It’s a little too depressing for me.

My wish list:
• Body shop lip gloss and Oceanus range
• Mambo cap
• Banana clip
• Plenty of sleep
• My freaking phone line back
• Guitar
• Piercing
• Bracelet
• Necklace
• Earrings
• Pressie for Hsin and Alvin

Here are the albums that I want to get:
• Craig David
• Norah Jones
• Kruder and Dorfmeister
• Sugababes
• Mogwai
• Delirium
• Holly Valence
• The Chill Out Session


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bumped into Charng Suh and told me he bumped into the black mother fucker and that frigid bitch


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I was out and hanging out with Alvin and people then bumped into Jasdev. Ahhhhhhh!! *hugs hugs* before that I met up with Hsin and Jerry. Basically the whole day I was at Gurney and bumped into loads of people. When I was at McD, I saw this one fellow I swear who looks like Putra. Damn. An illusion, I keep on telling myself. At night, I straight hung out with my other friends without going home or at least wash my oily face. Gosh. They stopped by kayu and fuh! Jen approached me, I mean us. Sheesh. Make it a double, if you may. Eek. Not to mention that Kalesh was there as well. I was trembling for a while because I was not prepared for any of this to happen. I was astounded. The rest of my friends were practically ignoring her. I was softly kicked by Rishant giving me this weird and funny reaction on his face. Juliana later on talked to Kalesh in order to make the so called gf jealous and he asked her for Jennifer’s number. Well, what was I doing? I think I flashed him a plain smile just in time before everyone left the premise. I was a little bit depressed, um, not sure of what. I guess it was because all of them were talking about that frigid bitch. They even planned to scratch her car which was a 3 series blue BMW which happens to be the mother’s car. In the end, they didn’t do it.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Kel called me up yesterday for no reason at all? I don’t know.
He called when he was at his dad’s office. It was a mere 5 minute’s talk. I didn’t initiate anything, I was being cold and he asked me why he sensed coldness between us? Damn if I know. I don’t care. Why am I not in kayu for the past few days? It is YOUR nightly affair and not mine. I don’t give a piece of jackass about it. He said he’s sorry for not calling? Hey I’m not mad at ya because you didn’t call. No problem and I have been numb to the fact that people don’t call me up so bugger off. He was being serious and all and he just left the serious talk half way through. Finally, he said we shall chat some other time and hung up.

That’s it. Funny isn’t it?

I’m feeling very low. I better get back to paint the second coat burgundy for my nails and listens to manson for good.

[soungbite]
Black Sabbath - The Best of
The Smashing Pumpkins - Greatest Hits
Craig David - Don't Miss Your Water (Till Your Well Runs Dry)

Fade

First, I was involved in an argument with my family members. Like what the fuck man, suddenly the world is against me? Oh hell, as if you people fucking care about me. Do you people reach out for me when I needed some comfort? Do you people even try to in the first place? Do you people talk to me when I was down and out? Do you people appreciate me the way I am? Do you people actually cares for what I think and what I feel? The answer is simple; it’s a ‘No’. I don’t get you people. So what if I use the word ‘fuck’? What is it wrong with me being friends or maybe I have had sided some Indians before this? Can’t I have my say? My beliefs and opinions? What is it that she have which I don't? You all keep on siding her. It is so unfair. She gets the attention and whatever that you name it but I don't. Just leave me alone. I don’t need your sympathy. Why is it me? Why can’t you just accept me the way that I am? I am going through a teenage rebellion phase as one of friend would say. Just let me be. I have mood swings, so what? Sure everybody, including everybody who had that argument with me have mood swings. I was just saying whatever that I feel like saying. So sue me! What is it so wrong about me being non-racist? Is it because I am not like you? What? That I don’t belong to your ‘elite’ team? I guess that is the price you pay for having your own individuality. Why do you have to pick on me? Why me? Why? Just fucking leave me alone and let me be whatever that I want to be. I’m starting to think that there isn’t any point at all for me to even try to unite with you all. I was being tolerant and what do I get in the end? Nothing I’d say. Why do I even bother? Sheesh. I just decided to keep my mouth shut if that what makes you people happy. Go ahead, screw me up real good while I suffer pain in silence.

Secondly, I thought of kel in a bit and I saw putra’s family in his car. Now, double dosage of depression I guess.

Nobody cares and nobody knows.

Now back to my depression mode...

*yawns* im so dried up and sick-ish. hahah. i need sleep man. my complexion has gone down like more than half of the used to be complexion. aiyo.. most importantly, i need sleep lahhh.. i need sleep.. aiyo.. its not raining anymore. why? why? why?? i just love it when it rains.. makes me calm and feeling nice inside. i could simply smile and enjoy. :)

fuh. im bored too. i took the frigging test and this is what i got. hmmm... quite true also lah.



What obscure band are you?

[soundbites]
Craig David - World Filled With Love
Craig David - Fast Cars
Jay Z feat. Beyonce - Bonnie and Clyde

Angst for Scott

hah. now i have Scott who miss called me coupla times, fine i thought to myself, i called him up. he was about to leave for singapore. its tommorow. he was trying to sweet talk to me and trying to be really cuddly and nize to me. i doubt that comes with sincerity, besides he has got a gf already! damn man. i told him straight to the face. i really took it out on him a lil and i was being really cold to him. owh..i felt a lil bad after that cuz i dont think he is the one that deserves ALL the complains and hostileness. smsed him and told him that we are still friends and i wished for the best for him and excused myself for being depressed. gee.. i was like so frigging angry at him, which im not surpose to.. well maybe, just a little! after what happened between me and him. sigh.

ok.. gotha read a little bit about Prozac Nation then sleep. Hmm 747 V for not showing up in orange. hehe.. actually am surpose to call but lazy lah. he sure have his sega friends to go out with. however, mom asked me to go breakfast with her since my sister is back from kl. urgh, early mornings... damn. i want my beauty sleep. well more like an order actually.

ah! sleep.. wait! i just changed my mind. im going straight to bed. yeah. nitey nite. pleasant dreams.



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